January 17, 2008 8:02 PM
Memo to Loudoun Schools: Retarded is an "N" word
Anyone following the saga of the vice principal who used the words "mentally retarded" along with my son's IQ score in an attempt to sledgehammer me into submission - submission to the idea that Daniel is not worthy of/entitled to inclusion - will appreciate this timely intersection with reality today:
'Retarded' Is A Dirty WordVideo news report here.
RICHMOND, Va. (WUSA) -- Jill Egle works full time and Erin Thompson goes to George Mason University. They were both born with what used to be regularly called mental retardation. But, unless you've been living on another planet, you know the word "retarded" has only negative connotations and is usually used to put people or anything down.Forty-three states have taken the word "retardation" off the books. Many advocacy groups now use the term "intellectual disability."
Jill and Erin want Virginia to do the same. They spoke on behalf of the ARC of Northern Virginia in front of both health committees of the House and Senate.
Jill told the lawmakers that the word "retarded" was hurtful.
Erin said people with intellectual disabilities needed to be referred to as people first, not IQ numbers. She said, "Virginia is not retarded anymore!"
Read entire article here.
Posted in Disabilities, Down syndrome, Inclusion, Loudoun County, Public schools | Permalink
Comments
As I tell acquaintances...you can call it purple with pink polka dots if you feel more comfortable doing so but my family and I are very comfortable using (and anyone else if they care to) the word retarded. It means slow and that's what my son is. Take care. Dani
Posted by: Dani | January 18, 2008 6:13 AM
Dani -
You would feel very differently if you were in an IEP meeting for your son and the vice principal started using the word RETARDED like a sledgehammer to keep you from getting the appropriate education to which he is entitled.
I used to feel the way you did too. And black people used to accept the N word for themselves until they realized the word had an impact, that a word itself can hold you back.
The word retarded and retard have become epithets in our culture - names used to put down other people. I checked with my daughters in 9th and 12th grades last night and they said their friends are still using these words as putdowns.
This means that even though you may feel comfortable with the word for your son, if he could advocate for himself, he probably wouldn't like to have a word applied to him that he hears others use as a putdown.
As I said, I used to feel the way you do. I didn't understand what the big deal was with parents of older kids with DS. I visited your site and saw a picture of your son. He is very young. It has been through 15 years of as my own sons with Down syndrome have gotten older - and now with this incident of seeing how a word can be used as a weapon - that I feel differently.
Words have power. They shape how people feel about our children. When they can't advocate for themselves - as those two young ladies did in Richmond yesterday - we must advocate for them.
Posted by: barbara | January 18, 2008 7:26 AM
I agree. The term has taken on new connotations, even spawning an entire subset of insults that use the suffix "-tard" to indicate ultimate stupidity. While I often resent having to retire a word from my vocabulary due to its abuse in the popular culture, I still wouldn't go around saying that a lighthearted and carefree child looked "gay."
Even the dictionary says that "retard" is used as an insult. When that definition supplants the original in Webster's, that should be a clue to all of us that we just can't use the term and hope to be understood outside our own circle.
Posted by: Dove | January 18, 2008 9:05 AM
At our schools, if you use those words, you will be visiting the principal, and I think you get an inschool suspension. So if the children are being taught not to use that old label because it is offensive, you would think that adults in this day and age would know better.
Posted by: Shelley | January 18, 2008 2:56 PM
Sure, they have power but I would have to say that it's mostly in the tone that is used saying them. Kids in school do call each other retarded but it's usually not said maliciously. I'm not saying that it's never used to hurt but from what I hear it's usually just said between friends when one does something dumb.
I will not give any word power to hurt my child just by its use. So we use it and hopefully one day, if someone says to him, "Hey, you're retarded," he will reply, "Yeah, I am, so what!"
Quinn is seven (eight this year) and he attends our local public school for speech therapy so I have been to one or two IEP meetings though I'm usually doing the opposite of you, turning down services they feel would benefit Quinn.
Just a different point of view from a different way of raising children. God bless you and yours. Take care. Dani
Posted by: Dani | January 19, 2008 2:46 AM
Thanks, Dani for your perspective.
Like I said, ten years ago when Jonny was your son's age, I felt the same way you do.
It will be interesting to see if your perspective changes over time.
Last night I handed someone my camera to take a picture of our family - including Jesse, who has Down syndrome and autism.
She was having a little trouble with the camera and laughing and saying, "Oh, I'm so retarded!" She said it three times.
I think Dove captured the essence of the problem. What used to be a legitimate medical/educational description has become an insult and put-down. for that reason, it needs to be retired.
I'm sure when people originally started pushing to eliminate the "N" word there were some white people and even black people who thought it didn't matter. But when a word has become so heavy-laden with prejudice, we really need to take a hard look.
Our kids cannot advocate for themselves. They are dependent on us. I will continue to advocate for the elimination of this label for the reasons Dove stated.
Blessings to you and your beautiful boys.
Posted by: barbara | January 19, 2008 9:54 AM
My sister-in-law used to say that word all the time in reference to herself or her kids, and even kidded about them all being 'dentally retarded' due to all their orthodontic work. I finally told my husband how offensive I found it, and I guess he must have spoken to her because she finally stopped it.
While it certainly COULD be properly used to mean something/someone that is slower than the norm, the sad fact remains that the term is now used in an almost exclusively pejorative fashion and should not have been used at an IEP meeting. I think it is shameful.
Posted by: Jill S | January 19, 2008 5:54 PM
This site may be of interest to some:
Posted by: James | August 12, 2008 9:20 PM
