January 16, 2008 7:42 AM
Special ed in Loudoun - who hired this guy?
Another day away from home - taking Jesse to Baltimore to the Kennedy-Krieger clinic for his second visit with Dr. Capone ( a little name-dropping for parents with kids with Down syndrome :)
I am feeling weary and sad this morning (see Special ed in Loudoun County - one parent's perspective). The first meeting yesterday went okay. The second was brutal and I left feeling like a piece of raw meat. It seems clear that in their paranoia over potential lawsuits, the school is so busy documenting everything – including fabricating schedules that have never really been adhered to - that they have completely lost sight of the fact that all we’re asking is for an appropriate education for Daniel.
The assistant principal (here in Loudoun assistant principals are in charge of special ed) sat fairly quietly through the meeting, looking unmoved by the eloquent things my advocates said about the benefits of inclusion for both the disabled and the able-bodied students. But at the end he burst forth with a diatribe: "Your son is MENTALLY RETARDED! He has an IQ of 41! Has it occurred to you that he isn't learning to read because he's MENTALLY RETARDED?"
Earth to Clueless Man: Inclusion isn’t about having my son keep up academically, it’s about all the stuff we talked about shortly before your cruel outburst.
This man earns his paycheck (our tax dollars) as a representative of Loudoun County Public Schools. The school system has positioned him in a place off responsibility. And yet, in this flash of anger (not his first with me and according to his reputation in the community, pretty typical of his history elsewhere) he revealed himself to be absolutely clueless about inclusion.
He has repeatedly given me and other parents misinformation about inclusion, saying stuff that is untrue and illegal. That is bad enough. But that he should be allowed to brutalize a parent in this manner (caught on tape) is absolutely incredible.
No parent should be subjected to this kind of bludgeoning – used to put us in our places for asking for what legislators have determined to be the best interest of our children and courts have upheld.
People like this vice principal should not be working in the field of special ed. This just showed naked hostility for a child with an intellectual disability. I had asked that the principal be at the meeting, but she chose not to attend, washing her hands of the whole affair.
I am so sad. It is hard enough for parents of kids with disabilities without having to throw into the mix this kind of emotional brutality and ignorance.
Posted in Disabilities, Loudoun County, Special education | Permalink
Comments
Oh my goodness! Barbara I am so sorry that this man spoke to you in such a cold manner. I can hardly believe that an "educated" person in a place of authority would be allowed to burst forth like that...and get away with it!!! I will be praying for favour for you, and that the Lord will open his eyes so that he may see the truth.
Posted by: Bryanne | January 16, 2008 9:42 AM
Barbara - I just wanted to tell you that I stopped to pray for you this morning about this. It must hurt terribly to try to the best you can for your child only to be met with such scorn and bitterness.
When you first started writing about your struggle with the school system regarding your "downzers" (that is too cute, by the way), I didn't think that it applied much to me. I felt that familiar tug though telling me to keep reading. I'm so glad I paid attention! I have learned so much from these posts about disability, about the benefits of inclusion for all of us (not just in schools, in life!), but most of all about myself as a mother. It is so good for this polite little Southern mother to see you being your children's advocate. I've really stopped to consider when I might be sacrificing what's BEST for my kids on the altar of being "polite."
Posted by: Shannon Miller | January 16, 2008 9:59 AM
How incredibly insensitive! I can't believe someone could be so cruel.
Posted by: Tara | January 16, 2008 10:25 AM
I have a temper. I know this. And if he'd said that to me, I fear I would have smacked him.
How thoughtless and cruel.
I'd love to hear that tape on CNN.
Posted by: suzanne | January 16, 2008 10:39 AM
Barbara - move to my school district here in Michigan (of course you shouldn't have to). Inclusion is second nature...maybe first nature? Kids with disabilities and more specifically kids with Down syndrome are fully included not only in classes, but in activities. You will see our kids actively participating in the musicals, bands, cheerleading, sports, and more. And when they're done with high school - our local university (Oakland University) is happy to include our kids too. Our district is a great example of how it should be done!
Posted by: Jeannedb | January 16, 2008 10:50 AM
{{{{{{{{Barbara}}}}}}}},
I weep with you. I taught in the government school for a short time before having children. I saw so much cruelty there directed both toward children and parents. It is one reason that I homeschool my own children.
I know that homeschooling isn't for everyone. And it was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for that assistant principal to have treated you ( and to have spoken about your son) that way!!!!!
Praying for your comfort and strength
Kathy
Posted by: Kathy | January 16, 2008 11:06 AM
Barbara, Have you considered obtaining legal counsel? It does not look like you or any parents of children with special needs are going to get what is legally entitled to them. This gentleman needs to be relieved of his duties in regards to special education. Something desperately needs to happen here. One other piece of advice that was given to me (and can apply to other newer parents) Will is never going to have an IQ test. The school needs a parent's permission to administer the test. He can be tested in other ways, but no where on his record will a number represent his abilities. I think the vice principal demonstrated why that kind of information gives educators "an easy out", when they are not meeting standards.
I truly hope that you get through this quickly and effectively. I don't know how you can stand it, I get hot around the collar just reading about it. God bless.
Posted by: Kelly | January 16, 2008 11:37 AM
I am so angry after reading that man's response to you-
I can't believe this:
"Your son is MENTALLY RETARDED! He has an IQ of 41! Has it occurred to you that he isn't learning to read because he's MENTALLY RETARDED?"
I've followed your blog for some time now, and never once have I gotten the impression that your issue is your son's reading progress. If that were the issue, why wouldn't you just keep him at home and teach him to read yourself. Please- that man should be ashamed of himself.
Don't give up Barbara- you've been called to this fight! We are behind you! I'm sending you hugs from across the country in Seattle, WA and I'll keep you and your fight in my prayers.
Posted by: Katie B. | January 16, 2008 11:41 AM
Dear Barbara,
I am so sorry that you had to endure such hostility and total lack of compassion and charity. I am proud of you for standing up for Daniel. God is proud of you too! And all who know you as well! I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Love, Julie C.M.
Posted by: Julile C.M. | January 16, 2008 12:42 PM
Barbara, I am so sorry you had to endure such ignorance and cruelty. And it hurts my heart to know that Daniel faces such a culture as this at his school. From one parent to another, my prayers are with you today. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Amy K. | January 16, 2008 12:50 PM
Barbara,
How disappointing! I can't imagine having to sit through that meeting and listening to such an ignorant comment from someone in charge of your child's education. I pray you will stay strong and keep trying to do what is best for your son.
Posted by: Miriam | January 16, 2008 2:24 PM
Oh Barbara - I'm so sorry to hear about your meeting. What a cruel person. He doesn't sound at all suited to be in a position dealing with ANY children (or any other human beings for that matter). Please take comfort in knowing that this too will pass.
Angela
Posted by: Angela | January 16, 2008 3:19 PM
I know you had some of the best advocates in the room with you. Did you have the special education supervisor (for your district) there as well? Did anyone from LCPS respond to the inappropriate comment? In the past 6 years, I've had 3 years that were exceptional, two years that were adequate, and one year that was inappropriate borderline illegal all in Loudoun County. My fear is that with the declining tax revenues that special education in LCPS is only going to get worse.
Stay strong!
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-this version is credited to Mother Teresa
Posted by: Lisa G. | January 16, 2008 3:21 PM
It's hard to believe someone could be that cruel! I know I would have broken out in tears.
Posted by: Felecia | January 16, 2008 4:01 PM
Ouch
Posted by: Elise | January 16, 2008 4:56 PM
Grrrrrrrr.
Posted by: Marian | January 16, 2008 8:54 PM
I was praying throughout the night Monday, and during this meeting on Tuesday. Oh, Daniel-sweet little boy, may God bless and protect you. SHAME, SHAME SHAME on this wicked man!!!! "My strength is made perfect in your weakness" You must feel week and worn, but God will lift you up with His strength and help you to continue this good fight. I am so sorry. I pray that no man (or woman) will stand in the way of God's justice. You are such a blessing of a Mother.
Posted by: Greta | January 16, 2008 9:22 PM
I play an online RPG game and my first instinct was to target that nasty man and fire a few arrows at him . . . maybe sic my in-game raptor on him. Sigh. I know that's not the way to deal with him. Prayer is, and what somebody else said-appropriate legal counseling. Will be praying for you!
Posted by: Rebecca | January 17, 2008 6:47 AM
Ugh! I feel for you, Barbara. I remember some of the battles my mother had to fight to get an appropriate education for myself and my brothers -- and I'm sure there are other battles she fought that I knew nothing of. We were on the opposite end of the spectrum -- needing "gifted" placement and bored to tears with the instruction we were getting -- but then my youngest brother had some special needs on top of that. (Think Asperger's/borderline autism and you'll get the right general idea.) She faced teachers who didn't understand that a little boy could be really smart in math, and totally freeze when asked an essay question in English class. She faced administrators who couldn't believe that children could be as far from the "norm" as we were. And she faced the knowledge that whatever battles she fought for me and my younger brother would be nothing compared to what my youngest brother would need. She was so relieved when I got old enough and competent enough to fight some of my own battles. I know that this must be tremendously draining for you, and I'm cheering you on in front of my computer every time I learn of another action taken on behalf of your boys!
This, I think, is one of the primary things holding me back from pursuing foster parenting full-steam-ahead: To be this close to a child, to bring him into my life and home and heart, and yet to have to defer to professionals who haven't done so in so many decisions.... For of course, a foster parent is regarded as having much less right to a say in the child's life than even a normal parent, and normal parents are already shoved to the sidelines so much, as you are seeing.
We are praying for you here, and for wisdom for the decisions we must make. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Newt
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | January 17, 2008 9:57 AM
