February 9, 2008 9:04 AM
Letting go of an angry daughter
Some of you probably know that my second daughter has not spoken to me - nor to any other member of our family (except Josh, who works with her husband) for well over a year. It has been heartbreaking and I ask for your continued prayers.
I have apologized endlessly - and specifically - for my sins as a parent and have begged to go with her to counseling - with her own pastor so she could be sure the deck was stacked in her favor. She has refused.
Our calls, notes, gifts over the past 15 months have gone completely unacknowledged. Sisters have called and left messages crying and begging to see their nieces and nephews (she is expecting her sixth baby next month). Though they live 30 minutes from us and 7 minutes from Samantha's family, her children have been kept from contact with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We have not heard a word for 15 months.
I have come to realize that part of this is my responsibility as I set a bad example by cutting off relationship with my own mother for eight years when I was a new Christian. My mother did not approve of my becoming a Christian and she was a fiercely amoral woman - a real forerunner of the Me Generation - so I felt justified in keeping her out of my life.
Now - with 21 years of learning not just to talk the talk but to walk the walk - I know that was wrong. How I wish I could go back and change what I did! One thing I've discovered as I've learned to forgive is that I'd rather be the person who is hurt than the person who hurts others. It is much worse to face your Creator knowing you've sinned than to know you've been sinned against.
For a long time I didn't think it made any sense that my daughter would reject and punish me - because after all, I'm a good Christian woman. But you see, I set the stage by setting an example to my children of not respecting my own mother. Somehow she feels justified in what she is doing.
But you know how as a mom you see your child make mistakes and you grieve because you know the consequences? Some day, I have faith, she will learn to forgive and be free of whatever bondage she has from the past. For anyone else who struggles like this, I recommend Beth Moore's Breaking Free - especially if you can find a Bible Study group doing it. But wherever you are stuck, I recommend you get on with placing yourself in Jesus' hands and allowing yourself to experience healing.
Do it right away, as nothing will bring back the years of rich relationship your family could have been building.
I have held my tongue about this for a long time, but since we are at a stalemate, I've decided that in God's hands this part of my life can be instructive - and bring healing - to others. Many readers here are my daughter's age. Some of you may have difficult relationships with your moms. Some of you may feel justified in your anger. And some of you may have used your children as hostages to punish the rest of your family.
This is not good for anyone in the family. Yes, in the case of an alcoholic/drug addict parent you may need to draw temporary boundaries. But how many are building cases against their parents just because of personality conflicts? One of the most interesting parent/child phenomena I've observed as my children have grown up is that as I have learned to let go and not judge the choices they make, they have become in some instances more judgmental and exacting of me. How ironic is that?
One thing I am convinced of is that where there is no communication there is no hope of reconciliation. When there are difficulties in a relationship they must be talked through. There may be pain, just as there is pain in labor. And just as we go through the pain of labor because we are committed to the new life about to be born, when we love each other we are willing to work through the tender parts of a relationship because we are committed to that relationship. With the help of the Great Physician, we can cleanse the wounds and begin a healing process.
But so much is dependent on our dependence on God and trusting Him that He has plans to prosper us and not to cause us harm. I remember once a reader posted that she had been hurt as a child because she felt her grandparents didn't love her. At her grandmother's funeral when her cousins had happy memories, she was bitter: why did the grandparents neglect her. It was only as a mature woman that she realized it was her mother's fault.
Mothers, you hold a lot of power over the relationships in your lives. Be careful not to abuse or misuse that power. At the risk of sounding karmic, I will say from my own experience that what goes around comes around. Feeling justified at cutting my own mother out of my life, I never dreamed that no matter how I strove to be perfect myself, my own daughter would find enough fault with me to justify cutting me out of hers.
With this post, I am officially surrendering. I recognize that there is nothing I can do in this situation. But in surrendering, I am now free to share the lessons others can learn from my mistakes. It may help you to realize that at the foot of the Cross the ground is level. Each of us is dependent on His grace daily.
My challenge to you today is to take one step closer emotionally to your mother or your daughter - whether it's sending a card, making a phone call, having the kids make valentines. The only way to live life without regrets is to make sure that you are making the right choices. There's just no way around what the Bible says: Honor your father and mother.
If you are where I am, acknowledging that you are not allowed to take a step closer and may never be again, here is something helpful from Elisabeth Elliot, which released me today to let this go completely:
Leave Him to Me
When there is deep misunderstanding which has led to the erection of barriers between two who once were close, every day brings the strengthening of those barriers if they are not, by God's grace, breached. One prays and finds no way at all to break through. Love seems to "backfire" every time. Explanations become impossible. New accusations arise, it seems, from nowhere (though it is well to recall who is named the Accuser of the brethren). The situation becomes ever more complex and insoluble, and the mind goes round and round, seeking the place where things went wrong, brooding over the words which were like daggers, regretting the failures and mistakes, wondering (most painfully) how it could have been different. Much spiritual and emotional energy is drained in this way--but the Lord wants to teach us to commit, trust, and rest.
"Leave him to me this afternoon," is what his word is. "There is nothing else that I am asking of you this afternoon but that: leave him to Me. You cannot fathom all that is taking place. You don't need to. I am at work--in you, in him. Leave him to Me. Some day it will come clear--trust Me."
"Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand, and he will lift you up in due time. Cast all your cares on Him, for you [and the other] are his charge" (l Pt 5:7).
Just wanted to extend love & prayers to you. My own father has been shutting me out lately. Painful. Wise words by Elisabeth as always.
Posted by: Shelley | February 9, 2008 10:49 AM
I regularly read your blog with interest and particularly today. I have no idea what your situation is with your daughter, but I feel for you both.
I have extraordinarily controlling parents who focus on the negative and are grudging in their praise and acceptance. I am in my 40's and do need distance for my sake. While this may not apply to you, you daughter apparently feels she needs distance for some reason and you would do well to honor that. Right or wrong, this is the path she feels she needs.
I do not put much stock in feels as a moral compass. Living by feelings will more often than not get one into trouble. Her feelings are leading her away from the family. This may be the wrong move, but she will not likely be convinced by either logic or emotional appeals. She will likely feel that all such appeals are manipulations. If she were to read this blog and see her name, she might feel it a manipulation as well.
So, I think your title of this post is very insightful. I think you do have to let her go, for now anyway. And the rest of the family does too.
I suspect she needs to find her way back herself and on her own terms. I am sorry for you both that you are in such an impasse.
You are in my prayers.
Posted by: Arthur | February 9, 2008 10:59 AM
Well, I don't think you're REALLY giving up, you're just giving it to God!!
Just keep the door open a crack as I'm sure you will anyway. Pray for your daughter, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, say some extra rosaries for her, and may be send one final note to let her know you'll love her and always be there for her. Lob the ball back into her court and just wait for the return. It might be a long time before it comes back.
Great post Barbara and very good points about the power of motherhood. May your other children see the grace with which you live with this heart ache and may the cycle of hurt end soon with Jasmine.
Posted by: Elena | February 9, 2008 11:19 AM
I've been on both sides with my mom and then years later, a daughter. Oh, the pain. God did eventually bring reconciliation in both cases, but there are still scars. And you are right â€“ I set the bad example in the first place!
One thing that might help is to think how grieved Christ is by the bitterness and alienation between many of his children of different denominations. He truly understands the heartache of having his family refusing to speak to one another.
St. Augustine said that God allows a great evil so that a greater good may eventually come from it, just as Christ's resurrection and gift of eternal life came FROM the worst evil ever - the torture and murder of the God-Man Christ.
Posted by: Judy | February 9, 2008 12:11 PM
oh Barbara. Heart-breaking! Thank you for humbling yourself and sharing this with us! May the Lord do a miraculous work in your family and bring sweet reconciliation! And may He be glorified abundantly through this!!
Posted by: shawnda | February 9, 2008 2:34 PM
I can empathize with you and my prayers are with you. You may even find the book "The Bait of Satan" a very good read while you are waiting for God to finish handling the situation. I am currently in a small group study using this book and it has been very enlightening.
Posted by: Wendy | February 9, 2008 3:18 PM
You know, Barbara, your daughter is so fortunate to have a mother who wants to reconcile with her. How easy you have made it for her! I pray she realizes that she will be bringing a similar fate upon her own relationship with her children if she doesn't forgive whatever it is that she feels justified in holding against you. (((hugs))) to you! You're a good momma!
Posted by: Kim | February 9, 2008 4:03 PM
Having lost my wonderful mother when I was 18, I cannot imagine cutting off a relationship with a mother who is less than perfect but alive. I'm not judging others who have done so and I am sure there are instances I cannot presume to understand.
My dh and I have had to distance ourselves repeatedly from his parents (really, we just had to set firm boundaries and stick to them), but never cut off contact for us our our children.
My relationship with my dad was strained for many years and I carried lots of resentment toward him for many years. Finally, I was convicted that I was responsible to God for HONORING my father. It didn't matter how he responded, I had to honor him. After making that move about seven years ago, our relationship has been completely healed over time. I pray the same for you and your daughter. God is a reconciler and He can heal this rift. Thanks for sharing and God bless.
Posted by: Sandy C. | February 9, 2008 8:08 PM
This might be what you meant; I hope you are releasing her but not giving up. Hopefully, you'll never never give up on your daughter or her family. For then she might not believe she has a chance to come back if she ever decides to. When and if that time comes, she will probably feel ashamed even if she is justified in her anger. I am so sad for all of you. Keep praying for her every day. I bet you are.
Posted by: Angela | February 9, 2008 11:52 PM
i have a difficult relationship with my dad...my parents are divorced, my mom championed my relationship with my dad....
i kept saying if he were to die tommorrow..could i live with the regret of not trying...and i couldnt....so we keep trying...
my mom died unexpectedly this summer....she fell down the stairs...luckily she had reconciled with my sister and for the past year had a great relationship...i couldnt imagine my sister having to deal with her death without that reconciliation...
was mom perfect HECK NO...but as we are all only human, i think perfect parents are a myth...a scam....as we grow up we have to accept our parents for the people they are at that moment, not the young adults from 20 yrs ago, learning on the fly...flaws and sins and all...
regrets get you nothing but bitterness....its sad you are all so cut off....
i would give to god but not give up...
send a few letters a year, not begging not imploring..just giving an update on her siblings...the fun family times....and leave it at that...then you will have the knowledge of praying and trying over it...
Celina in Canada
Posted by: celina | February 10, 2008 7:51 AM
Lord have mercy. I've read your posts in the past about your daughter. I don't know what she feels you did, but I hope that she allows God's grace to work in her to forgive you. We all need to be forgiven of so much. And we all need to realize that our pasts are part of who we are now, mistakes and hurts and all.
In fact, my DH and I were just talking about this last night. We have a friend with whom we both have a long history that involves much hurt and pain. And yet, we sense God's humor in keeping this person in our lives and allowing us to minister to him. We both had to forgive him and now I can see how even the pain of the past is part of who I am today. In fact, I am grateful for it, because it is all part of my purification. It keeps me humble, too. :)
I hope your daughter reaches that point soon, for her sake and her children's. No hurt is beyond God's ability to heal. But healing doesn't mean it never happened. Blessings.
Posted by: Lucy | February 10, 2008 5:18 PM
I'm the daughter right now in your scenario. While I'm not sure angry is the right word for me, "emotional exhausted" might be more appropriate. Never learned my own boundaries; dealt with everything by avoidance and/or external compliance. My coping mechanism was reinforced by my parents' divorce which (in my 8 yr old mind) meant to me that either I was compliant or my mom might leave too.
Have instituted some distance and some limits on our communication. And, then I'm learning new ways of dealing with everything via an incredibly understanding, wise, and compassionate hubby. Have been "practicing" on him and will take care of the rest my "baggage" and confront my relationship with my mom in a little while when I feel a little stronger to withstand the guilt, the controlling, the old patterns and be able to stand strong in my own beliefs.
Hang in there. She may be working thru it just like me.
Posted by: Beth/Mom2TwoVikings | February 11, 2008 2:06 PM
I was forwarded your blog on Obama and I have enjoyed many other posts. I relate in a way to this post.
"One of the most interesting parent/child phenomena I've observed as my children have grown up is that as I have learned to let go and not judge the choices they make, they have become in some instances more judgmental and exacting of me. How ironic is that?"
That is what I get alot of. It is hard to take, but I can't help but wonder if I am reaping what I've sown or is it just sin? I was not perfect, but they did not like some of my standards for behavior. Now, if I am not perfect, one of them will call me a hypocrite. I try to follow God's lead in living for Christ. Maybe the persecution the Word talks about is not only from outside sources, maybe some of it will be from our own families.
I pray you and your daughter resolve your rift. I will pray that He will soften her heart.
Posted by: Liz | February 11, 2008 9:48 PM
I can identify with Arthur. I am in my 40s and while I have not cut myself off from my Mom because of God's commandment to honor thy mother and father I certainly do all I can to keep our relationship surface level. She is a controlling, bitter woman who only thought about herself as I was growing up. She never listens, only talks and twists everything said and lies openly. But for the Grace of God and coming back to the Church was I able to grow up, prosper emotionally and let go. She is better now that she is on meds but only that she does not create scenes anymore. Think hard and deliberately how you may have contributed to this impasse. What can you do to change...just because you are offering to reconcile may not be enough for her if she is sad about the past or has no hope for future change. Nobody really wants to abandon the relationship with their mother. But sometimes it is necessary. I would give much to have a great relationship with my mother. But I accept that it is not possible. And thanks...because of what you wrote I will be even more careful about how I speak about my mother to my daughter.
Posted by: Mary | February 12, 2008 12:53 PM
If I were a religious person, I would pray for you and for your daughter, but I can only hope that your relationship will be better again. I love deeply my mum and have a wonderful relationship with my father, but sometimes I realy feel the need to distance myself, even through words I feel immediately guilty for. Children have their own way to cope and go back to their parents and I am sure your daughter will come back to you. As much as it may be painful, try to give her some more time, she will never give up loving you, nor you'll do with her.
Posted by: Elena | February 12, 2008 7:11 PM
I really enjoyed reading all the comments and I pray for you also. Life can be so hard when your children are not happy with you for whatever reason. I am in a situation where my daughter has chosen a mother/daughter relationship with her mother in law for the past 9 years. Our side of the family is a hit and miss deal with her and her husband. He doesn't care for any of us, so she of course has to chose. It didn't seem so bad and I was forced to accept it, but now that there are 2 children born in the past 2 years, I am really struggling with her leaving me out of her life and my grandkids life. She chose this year to apparently let me know where I stand-as if I couldn't figure it out already-on Mother's day by not calling me and 3 days later apologizing and writing me a letter telling me that "it is what it is" with her MIL and that I need to accept it and not be upset. She does not want talk about our issues, but to try to go forward because my not accepting it is getting in the way of our relationship and my relationship with her kids. I think her MIL has made it her personal crusade to win her over and if it was a competition, pretty much she has won. She quit her full time job to babysit for the first year for her and now that my daughter has quit her job to be a full time mom, now she just spends every day with her and the kids for the past 1 year. It has been a month and maybe once I can get past the crying each and everytime I think about her or the kids, I can try to respond to her letter. I was told to come up with a plan that will work for both of us for me to see the kids since we live in the same town and I don't see them very often. I do work full time, so it is hard to get together and she has had more excuses than Carter has pills in the past why she can't come out or they go to bed at 7:00 p.m. I am so hurt, that I say nothing instead of saying something I will regret for the rest of "my life." She has the personality that will allow her to be mad at me if I say the wrong thing for a very long time, so I just say nothing. Maybe that isn't the correct approach to this problem, but I am praying to God to guide my words and actions and trust that he will help me say the right thing when the time is right. I'm sure she thinks I am just being stubborn, but I need the time to think things through and get over the hurt. She was 12 when I got remarried with 2 step daughters and she finally said that I was supposed to remember that she had to "share her mom" too. So, I do understand somewhat, but if she would give me any time in her life, I think things could have been OK for awhile anyway. My heart aches every day, but when I think about the letter and how she indicated that it is mostly my fault that it's like this, I just get angry and can't do anything. God works in mysterious ways, so I am hoping he will bring me some light on this soon. Depression will overtake you if you let it, and I am trying to keep all this from consuming me which is a daily struggle. I feel better knowing other people have similar situations and my husband says that I can talk to all the people in the world and it won't make things better until my daughter and I sit down and try to work things out. Thank you everyone for sharing your comments.
Posted by: Kathy | June 10, 2008 5:50 PM
I have been searching for peace over two years now. My daughters (adult) have not spoken to me since my second daughter's wedding of which I was forbidden to attend. I was labeled mentally insane even though I had just spent 10 days watching my newborn grandson while my older daughter returned to work. Imagine, me, mentally insane and asked to watch a newborn baby. Since then, I found out that I have another grandson and one on the way. What breaks my heart the most is that for most of us mothers, we look forward to the day when a grandchild is born. I have tried writing notes, cards, emails and have left messages with no progress. My daughter who uninvited me to her wedding refers to me as "the freak" and says she learned nothing from me other than how to clean and make the most of small spaces. Their father is now a successful real estate investor and continues to give them all the material things. It is amazing that with all that has been dealt to me, I forgive them...all of them and have given this all to God. With doing so, however, it is my human weakness which will not allow me to completely let go. I will purchase Beth Moore's book, Breaking Free today. Thank you so much for your blog, God Bless you! J
Posted by: J | June 19, 2008 10:34 AM
I thought I was the only one, my adult daughter is estranged from me and lives close by with my only granddaughter.
After a lifetime of helping her and being there, I received an email that for the past 35 years I was responsible for all that was wrong in her life. She explains that she is in therapy and has discovered "repressed memories" - my husband and I have no idea what is causing her to break off a relationship with her.
We are so broken apart by this that we must move. The chance of seeing them and being ignored is devastating to us. Not seeing our grandchild is tearing us apart. Our lives were lived to give her and her family love, help, kindness, support -- and now this.
There is nothing in life that could hurt more -- not even the deaths of family members I have gone through.
My only daughter, out of our life, angry and oh so adamant that we are to blame, but for what?
Only God can help us, please keep us in your prayers.
Posted by: Lynnfrances | June 24, 2008 7:44 PM
Thank you Barbara for sharing your painful personal experience. As always your honest writing is touching and may encourage someone to reach out and let love be stronger than anything else. I am convinced the power of forgiveness and love can overcome even the greatest pain once someone is open to that surrender of seeking it and saying "I am sorry" Thank you for your example once again. I pray for the healing of your relationship with your daughter sooner rather than later- with confidence it is inevitable that will come in Christ who does all good things- regardless of whether we will them or not, in His own time.
Posted by: maureen | June 24, 2008 10:17 PM
My heart is breaking - so I am not alone!
My first grandson is due in January, and I will probably not be able to see him.
I dont know what I did .............
Posted by: clair | September 20, 2008 6:13 PM
Your entry has been somewhat helpful to me. Lately,I've been worrying that my daughter may be upset with me since in the last few days I've called and she's not returned calls...and she's usually very good at returning calls. I know she's been pretty busy with work and school and parenting, but still...? I know I had to cut my mother off because of a variety of dysfunctional things, but I pray this isn't the start of some sort of "karma." I guess the next few days/weeks will reveal more. At any rate, I'm sorry your daughter has cut you off and I'll keep y'all in my prayers.
Posted by: PotentiallyEstrangedMom | April 29, 2009 1:00 PM
I can relate to your blog. My daughter recently cut contact off and threatened legal action if I tried to contact her. She's struggling with panic disorder and alcoholism. I've tried to help her in the past, financially and emotionally, but had to stop because I felt I was enabling her illness. I delayed a trip to see her until she is better, and this was the result. She is in counseling, so I hope through that things will change one day. I pray for strength and am heartbroken although I did the right thing. I, too did not have a very good relationship with my Mom and I've been sorry for it especially since she passed away 10 years ago. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Rhea | May 7, 2009 1:40 AM
oh how i can relate to a painful mother-daughter relationship and seasons of no contact. except for me, i'm the daughter but my mother is the one who chooses not to have a relationship with me or my children, her grandchildren. we have a very painful past which i have forgiven her for though the there is hurt that remains, i choose to give it to God and try not to dwell on it.
my mother chooses to drop in and out of my life whenever she needs something from me. otherwise, she has never shown any interest in being part of our lives. i have written to her and poured out my heart about what i wish our relationship could be, and how i wish she would choose to take in interest in her grandchildren and be part of their lives because because i know the blessing it would be both for her and for my kids.
my parents chose to get divorced not once, but twice when i was a child and there were a lot of painful memories from growing up with them and a strained relationship with both of them. however, since having children, i asked both my parents (not together, and their visits would be separate since i also have a step-mother who my kids know as their grandmother) to be part of my kids' lives. my dad did choose to be in my kids' lives and we've all been blessed as a result. so much healing has occurred between me and him just from seeing him interact with my kids as a grandfather.
my mother, however, has chosen not to for whatever reason. i had been hoping that though she never wanted to be a mother (having told me as much more than once), perhaps being a grandmother would bring healing for us both. but she continues to show no interest in being in our life beyond sending an email or a phone message whenever she needs something or to leave a threat if she think we're not responding how she wants us to.
it is painful to realize that she neither wants to be a mother or a grandmother and i've needed some time away to work through that hurt and decide whether or not i want to be in this relationship with her that only leaves me feeling manipulated and used. and if i want my kids to be part of that cycle and see how that affects me.
i'm still working through it and praying about it. but the last thing i would want is for either of my daughters to one day decide to have no communication with me.
Posted by: michelle | May 21, 2009 1:55 PM
My daughter just severed ties with me, her uncles and her stepdad. After years of helping her through one crisis or another, and asking (and supposedly receiving) forgiveness for my serious transgressions when she was very young, she decided that we are all too selfish and are not giving her what she needs. She said she needs us to listen to her, with no opinions of our own and to provide for her in the absence of her estranged dad. Well, we have been providing for her... paying her phone bills, paying her schooling, helping with rent, flying her home for the holidays, listening to her problems on the phone, and there were many problems in her life with friends, bosses and neighbors. Finally, one of her uncles got mad and told her off. She was shocked and said that's it, she is done with us. Hurt like hell, but she hasn't been herself for a year now (before her imposed estrangement). She's been getting worse, more moody, more angry, more foul language. I'm worried for her. I'm hurt for me. But there's nothing I can do. Like others have said it is in God's hands. I committed my selfish sins so long ago, wasn't there for her when I should have been. And it seems there's no forgiving, despite 16 years of making reparations.
Posted by: Samantha | August 20, 2009 4:09 PM
I thought I was alone but realize so many other mothers are suffering. My daughter for years has been so verbally abusive to me, times when she is nice to me, but so hurtful with words a lot of times. I have reacted by fighting back a few times and I end up paying for it with no communication, this situation is repeated so many times, it has worn me down. I worry about her increasing anger, her wine drinking, the way she ignores her husband, verbal abuse toward her sister, all this has seriously affected my health and my other daughter.
Posted by: Shirley | October 28, 2011 9:26 PM
I hope things are better now; went through this somewhat about 3 years back with son newly married with daughter-in-law but then she lost her mother 2 years ago (after she'd lost their first child) so when she got pregnant again I was all she had to reach out to so she came back - although she did have a grandmother so it was hard but today has really sealed it - she has not seen our granddaughter since she was born a little over a year ago (it's a long story why they can't take her back to see her) but she was supposed to come today and when she was supposed to talk to her at 10 last night to make final arrangements for the trip she'd gone to bed and wouldn't talk to her; she tried calling all night (yes, I know but anyway) and could never get her; I was hoping she'd just gone to bed so she could come today but nothing - maybe this can explain some estrangements, that there are reasons - but that's what happened here - anyway it's helped our relationship because we've always been here for them both. fwiw
Posted by: Donna | October 29, 2011 11:27 PM
There are 3 sides of the story, my side your side and the truth right in the middle
Posted by: liz | May 12, 2013 8:10 PM
I understand this all too well. I did not forgive my mother's addictions until after she passed away. She once said she was sorry for "whatever" she has done. Instead of accepting "Whatever" as everything, I felt it was denial of ever hurting me. There is much evidence to support this as her addiction never ended. She never remembered anything she said or did wrong. Forgiveness happened because I could not live with the anger anymore. It is exhausting and she was truly pitiful and sick. The anger was my sin and as you said, it is easier to live and die with a sin against me than a sin I committed. I just could not recognize that when she was alive. She made me so angry. I took on the parental role with her and resented it profusely. Like you, I tried to be everything my mother was not and still, I have three daughters who are at times, very insensitive to my feelings. My middle daughter has always been self-disciplined, and I've never had to correct her much. She is now 21. She is short in conversation. She never smiles or laughs when I'm in the room. I can't say enough good things to bring her out of it. I asked her this morning why she was angry and she said she wasn't as she slammed the door and took off for her summer course. I am at a loss. I blame myself. There is a part of me that says I should worry. It is not normal. I need to confront the elephant in the room. There is another part that says I should just keep loving her the best I can while another part of me feels she needs some firm reminders that her repeated cold, short answers are hurtful. My husband and I are afraid of upsetting her because she doesn't seem to handle her feelings well. Prayer seems best right now.
Posted by: Jo | May 29, 2013 7:23 AM