March 28, 2008 6:55 PM
Homeschooling special needs kids - your input needed
Laura left this as a comment, but I want to get some input from you all for her:
My daughter is three. She was recently diagnosed with autism. The school did the evaluation, wrote up an IEP and recommended (and will not budge) a full day, six hour, five day a week autism class. We cannot afford therapy on our own. School would be the only therapy or training she would get outside of what we've already learned to do with her through the course of any given day. I'm having such a hard time with the idea of parting with her for so many hours a week, and yet, I do not feel capable of training her in all the ways she needs to be taught because of the disability. I'm reading as fast and as much as I can, but I still feel like I need more professional help.How do you feel about the issue of homeschooling kids, preschoolers in general, with special needs? Obviously your kids are in public education with IEPs (oy. The acronym alone gives me the shivers) but I know that they are older too.
This is my baby. My tiny, 24 pound, three year old baby. But I need help. I'm completely torn on this and have been praying of course, but would appreciate some insight and perspective from your unique point of view!!
Dear Laura,
You must have started reading here right after your daughter was born - I remember you started leaving comments in the summer of 2005. I feel like I know you, so I am feeling all the mixed emotions you must be feeling as you deal with this unexpected outcome - or what I call "A Little Extra" - an expression I generalized from a story I wrote about Jonny because he was born with an extra chromosome. In Lord Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room, after telling the sotyr, I asked:
What will be your little extra? It might not be a baby with Down syndrome, but surely as you continue your spiritual journey, God will drop something in your lap or whisper something in your heart which will give you the opportunity to grow and change, to enlarge your capacity to love, to teach you compassion, and to depend on Him and love Him more.
Laura, I hope you know how much God loves you. Don't forget it for a moment. And as you move forward into this territory of trying to determine what is best for your daughter, it doesn't hurt to take in lots of different information and explore your options - but in the end you must choose based on the Holy Spirit's direction no matter whether it makes sense to anyone else.
My kids with IEPs (yeah, I hate the sound of it too) are in public school because that's where I have felt led for them to be. One reason is probably apparent: some of the battles I have fought for inclusion, dual diagnosis, and services, will benefit other children who come later. There is already another little boy with Down syndrome who will probably be going to Waterford Elementary because Justin broke new ground there and that made it possible for others who might not have taken on the fight.
But many families homeschool their kids with special needs, and I think some have been successful with obtaining services that were initially withheld from them. I wouldn't sign anything on the dotted line until I knew what all my options were - and don't take a government/school employee's word for what your options are.
If you have already signed an IEP and are feeling uneasy about it, I suggest you write a letter rescinding your signature and stating that you felt pressured/confused/whatever, that you need more time to explore all options. I did that once and we had to go back to square one after I figured out what I wanted.
Many people make it a rule never to sign an IEP at the meeting, but to take it home and think and pray about it.
Anyway, here are some organizations for you to contact if you would like to more thoroughly explore the homeschool option:
Homeschooling Kids with Special Needs
Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA): Homeschooling and Special Needs Children
Please, everyone, your input is needed here!
Posted in Disabilities, Homeschooling, Preschoolers | Permalink
Comments
Dear Laura,
It's getting late and I'm out of mental energy-- there's so much I could say, but I'm afraid it won't come out well now. But I really want to serve you in any way I can...
I'm a now-homeschooling mom of four children, and my eldest has autism and some other special issues. I have a good idea about these questions you are facing and the feelings you have right now... the desire and need to do the very best for your child at this important stage of her life, yet with complete lack of clarity and understanding about what that is, not feeling equipped or confident enough to sort out and accurately work with what the "experts" are saying and offering. The "experts" often aren't quite so expert, I've learned, but it's all you have to go on at this point, right? You fear doing the wrong thing in the stewardship of her little life SO much that it's tempting to just buy wholesale whatever professionals tell you is necessary (and the way it's usually presented, wholesale is the only way to buy). I mean , what if I as a parent make a different decision and end up failing her? Yet what if I ignore my doubts and fail her? Does any of that sound vaguely familiar?
You are so wise to be thinking this through. Yes, these early years are both ripe and really crucial for therapeutic efforts. But professionals get so honed in on this that the other crucial needs the child are denied: namely, the primary need for secure attachment to the parent, which is absolutely foundational for anything else you might hope to accomplish in her little life! (Denial of this, of course, is totally in line with the larger convictions of our current culture anyway, which insists that parents don't matter and that early pre-school for all kids is the ideal...)
There may be some compromise or other option that is workable and meets her total needs. I feel pretty confident, though, that it will not be just offered to you, and may be declared impossible or even irresponsible.
Of all the moms in the world, God chose you for this little one, and he is with you.
I'll pray for you, that God will equip you with wisdom, clarity and confidence in HIM. Please e-mail me privately if you'd like. I'd love to encourage and support you in any way I can if it's helpful.
A hug to you.
Marian
marianh@fullservicenetwork.net
Posted by: Marian | March 28, 2008 11:44 PM
Dear Laura,
I have been where you are, and I am praying for you! We had always planned on homeschooling, but then when we found out our toddler might have autism (or something that looked similar) we felt tossed around and uncertain. We ended up visiting the preschool with our son, and it confirmed for us that he belonged at home. He is 5 now, and flourishing more as the years pass! :) I hope to homeschool through grade 12! I only have one other child, and they are very close in age. So this is doable with God's help. :) I encourage you not to burn out while learning all you can to help your son. I tried to do it all, and it is exhausting. Maybe plan a certain amount of time per day or week that is dedicated to learning, and take time of refreshing with your husband and family. If you decide to homeschool (you have a couple years until he's school age) be encouraged that you are still his best teacher. He will pick up on your attitude; so ask God for peace, and know that your love can truly work as a "therapy". Two options to look into are whether you can homeschool and still bring your son to school for therapy only. Preferably, find out if insurance will cover ANY therapy he needs such as speech or occupational therapy. The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun are two books that will give you a wealth of therapy you can try now. Whatever you decide, let it be what God shows your husband and you, and you can have peace. >. Angela
Posted by: Angela | March 28, 2008 11:50 PM
Hi Laura,
I honestly don't know all the laws ~ but we have an incredible resource in our area called Parents Helping Parents and they are an incredible resource when it comes to knowing laws. If you'd like their number please send me an e-mail and I'm happy to get you connected with them. Or they're probably on the web at (Parents Helping Parents in Santa Clara California) My 4 year old has Down Syndrome and they've been a wonderful support group.
Posted by: Jenny Fitzgerald | March 29, 2008 12:22 AM
To homeschool or not is *such* a personal decision! Really, it is a matter between Mom and Dad and the Lord. (Personally though, and I am an anti-homeschooling convert I admit, I couldn't imagine placing one of my little ones in an all-day program *at such a tender age*.)
Explore ALL of your options before signing, Laura! If it is *only* fear of not being able to meet your daughter's needs which would hold you back from keeping your little one home even just for a year or two more ~ keep praying and working through those options!
I would especially encourage you, Laura, to talk with the wonderful folks at NATTHAN. We've been receiving their "newsletters" (it's an entire magazine!) for five or six years now. I *know* they can answer your many questions! They also offer services with a (very reasonably priced) membership, like a lending library.
There is a *wonderful* online store which not long ago opened a new section of their site called the "Timberdoodle Autism Center." I did a quick search, and there is even a recent post on their blog called "Why Homeschool A Chid With Autism?" That would probably be a great place to start! The site also has links to numerous free resources on the web. There are several links to quality (you never know what you might find on the web!) sources and resources for autism information.
I never expected to homeschool - special needs or not. But the Lord led me to this place little by little. My girls have different challenges than yours. Still, many days I wake with a complete loss as to what to do with and for some of the issues, I admit. More than anything, the Lord has changed, and is changing, *me* and *my* expectations of the "norm" and for my family. He has my ear and my heart in a way He likely would not if I were not in such a position! (Which is generally flat on my face or down on my knees!)
What a mixed bag of emotions a diagnosis can be. Give yourself some time to adjust, to do some initial grieving. (Don't feel bad about that - it's all part of the process. The grief will come and go, probably, but let yourself have some initial time to get with God and let Him wash over you with His peace. This (both the diagnosis *and* the recommendation) is no surprise to Him, after all!)
Yes, I know school wants an answer! In *their* time frame and not our own. But the Lord rarely works on *our* time frame - He's not necessarily going to "comply" with that of the public school! You may need to ask questions from a parent advocate - ask if your public school system has such a thing, or someone similar - about your legal rights and responsibilities, including how much time you have to make a decision, at what point you can change your mind, etc. NATTHAN can probably help you find someone in your state, if not your area, who can give you at least some emotional support to get through this initial process whether you choose to homeschool or not.
Praying for you in Virginia, Laura!
Posted by: Kari | March 29, 2008 1:38 AM
Hi,
I just skimmed the note and your comments, and I wanted to send a quick suggestion before I run out the door. I would suggest www.nacd.org. They are an organization that supports families education their "special needs" kids at home and have had lots of success with Autism. They do cost money but there are ways to get help with that...we use our Flexible Spending Account.
I highly recommend them as an alternative to all day school!!
Posted by: Carol | March 29, 2008 4:01 AM
You might take a look at this website: http://www.nathhan.com/ It is for homeschooling our special needs kiddos. I don't have a child that is "officially" "special needs" but I feel like all kids have special needs-some of them are just more challenging, right? We will pray for wisdom and patience and heavenly comfort for Laura and all the moms facing the same situation.
Tracy in NC
Posted by: Tracy in NC | March 29, 2008 8:02 AM
We had a child in the public school system on an IEP for 12 years--they were amazingly insightful and very helpful to us and to our child. If the people you are working with on your child's IEP make you feel powerless and "dumb" (i.e. unable to understand the needs of your child), then you need to find some other option. YOU are the expert on your own child. The people you work with on your child's IEP should be asking you what YOU are seeing, what YOUR goals are, and how THEY can help YOU meet the goals. Granted, there will be mutual goals--and they may be able to open your eyes to some aspects of your child that you have been unable to see, but they still need to recognize your unique perspective and your unique role as the mother of your child. Bottom line: if these people are not making you feel empowered, part of the decision-making process, and "smart" (i.e. an integral part of the team) then explore other options.
Posted by: Vonnie | March 29, 2008 3:04 PM
My recommendation is that you let your daughter try the preschool program. My hunch is that a full-day preschool program might be good. Most districts won't spend the money on full-day preschool if they don't have to. You will know within a few weeks by your daughter's demeanor if she's thriving there. Some districts have great special needs preschool programs.
Also ask to speak with a parent who has a child in the program, or to observe the class yourself.
I have a disabled 13 year old girl (an unknown genetic disorder) who has been in the public schools in 4 different states since she was 3. While some programs are better than others, overall the public schools have been a real blessing for us. I've only removed her from one program, when she was 3. She was very upset when she got home every day the first week, and I asked to observe the class one day and pulled her out on the spot. (They were very harsh and condescending with the children, and did very little with them.) Fortunately, we were moving to another state in a few months and found a better program there. Actually, she has had 3 years in different states when she had wonderful Christian teachers and I would drop her off at class with tears of joy and relief.
This sounds selfish, but I'm being real. I have three other children, and when my daughter was young she had some trying behavior issues. It was really nice to have help, and it was free!
Posted by: karen | March 29, 2008 5:37 PM
Hi Laura! I am sorry for referring to a son instead of daughter! :) I typed my note in a rush late last night because I didn't want to wait. :) HUGS!
Posted by: Angela | March 29, 2008 6:10 PM
Laura,
I have never walked your road and I have no great wisdom for you but I offer you this piece of gold:
Call to Me, and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.
Jeremiah 33:3
I am so in love with this verse because He says he will answer and He will tell. I am calling for you sister.
Posted by: Susan | March 29, 2008 6:47 PM
Hi,
My autistic son is now almost 14, and I feel for you. I put my son on a van and he was driven 45 minutes away to one of the best autism schools in the world, at 3 years old. It was the most difficult thing for me to do, but I was able to do it because I felt, without a doubt, that he was getting the best. I don't think I could have done it if he was "just" going to the local public school. I highly recommend the book, Behavioral Intervention for Young Children with Autism, if you don't already have it. It will help you start a home program if you decide to.
Be strong!
Posted by: Jenny | March 29, 2008 8:38 PM
Laura, bless you for putting your child first and evaluating what is best for her.
You said that she was recently diagnosed. If you haven't already done so, check in with your local autism society. It may be that you can connect with the parent of a child with similar needs as yours that has made the same choice you're considering. These folks have been where you are now and some of them are still on the same or similar journey. They are an amazing wealth of information. They want to help you.
Also, check into whether your state has an autism society/group. My neighbor, who's son has autism, works for NC Autism and she is past president of our county's autism society. She knows the laws and what programs have to be provided and ways to get financial help for what you want to do--what your child needs. For example: recently, she sent her son to a charter school for half of the day and then brought him home for work with herself and a tutor in the afternoons. She was able to get government grants (I don't know if this would work for you if you homeschool, but someone who knows the laws can help you start navigating through all of that) for the tutor(s). She is THE person I would talk to, both for support and information, if I were in your place. (If you live in NC, contact me if you're interested in her contact information.) Again, these people want to help.
Pray before making calls--that God will have the person you need to answer your call, providing the guidance that YOU need.
As I think of you, I will pray for your wisdom and discernment.
You CAN do this.
Blessings!
Posted by: von | March 29, 2008 9:44 PM
I have homeschooled an LD son. After deciding to use the Ambleside on Line curriculum I joined a group for children who learn differently. This group has many families who are homeschooling children with autism and various autism spectrum disorders. This blog is amazing for insight, how to, and growth (both mother & child). Please read her and she also answers questions.
http://aut2bhomeincarolina.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Stephanie | March 29, 2008 10:07 PM
Laura - I was in a similar situation to you 5 years ago when my #2 was diagnosed on the autism spectrum (no speech, no social interaction and major uncontrollable tantrums). He was just shy of his 3rd birthday. I too went through the school system and a IEP was written for 5 days/week (including a bus picking him up and dropping him off which he thought was SOOO cool). For us it was the BEST decision we could have made for him. Yes it was difficult seeing my little guy go, but the therapy he received at such an early age has been priceless and something I know I couldn't have provided on my own nor could I have afforded. I was able to keep open lines of communication with his teacher, speech therapist and occupational therapist so that I knew how to best continue his "learning" when he got off the bus each day. By the time he was in Kindergarten he was in a mainstreamed classroom with extra support provided throughout the day. Now he is finishing up his 1st grade year and he is a very a happy, social, non-stop talking little boy. Does he have "a little extra"? Absolutey and it keeps me on my toes and at times pulling my hair out! Would he be where he is right now if I hadn't been his advocate at the young age of 3 and pushed him to receive all the services available to him in the school system? Probably not. Could I pull him out of school now and homeschool? Absolutely, if I felt that I could continue to meet his needs.
It is important to realize that signing an IEP does not mean everything is set in stone. You can call a meeting at anytime to review and make changes to your child's IEP. If after a few months you aren't seeing the changes you expected, call them on it. If your child doesn't seem happy or doesn't appear to be adjusting to the program, call them on it. Ask if you can come into the classroom once a week. I am now able to joke with his old teachers about how I was probably their living nightmare, but in all actuality they appreciated my desire to help my child and even though his first teacher has since moved we still keep in contact monthly and she tells me how she wishes more parents were like us.
If you ever have any questions, you are more than welcome to contact me. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Posted by: Margaret | March 30, 2008 8:45 AM
My son is six years old and was diagnosed with high-functioning autism at the age of four. He is *very* high functioning though. It's not asperger syndrome, but just a milder case of autism than some of the more severe ones out there. I had wanted to homeschool too, but at the time of the diagnoses I didn't feel capable at all. We put him in an excellent public special ed. preschool and then special ed. kindergarten where we used to live, but recently moved to another city.
Last September he started a new special ed. school and it has not been as good for him. Due to many reasons I don't have time to go into here, his last day of public school was on February 29th. We began officially homeschooling on March 3rd and it's so much better for our family. His needs were not being met, plain and simple (at the other school they did a much better job of meeting his needs).
I have an almost three year old daughter and my third baby due here in five weeks, so I have a lot on my plate, but God has led us this route and we feel peace beyond measure about the decision. I do not regret putting him in public school where we used to live at all. It was the right thing to do at that time. But now things have changed. I'm still new to homeschooling a child with special needs, but I'm confident God will lead me day by day on this journey he's called me to.
I'll be praying for your family.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Posted by: Sarah | March 30, 2008 12:50 PM
I forgot to mention that my son also has a seizure disorder and severe food allergies to dairy and nut products. Autism wasn't his only diagnosis. He's had several seizures at his previous schools and it always stressed the staff out, though they did their best to handle it and were kind through it all. I believe he's safer here at home with me and able to do more varied activities at home. At his most recent school they kept him on the tiny little Kindergarten playyard with just one of his classmates. The other kids went to the bigger, more fun playground. This was done in case he had a seizure, since the staff was able to keep a more watchful eye on him on the smaller playground.
We have an appointment with a new pediatric neurologist in June that we're praying will be able to make some medication adjustments that will help Caleb be rid of these seizures. His previous neurologists haven't been as successful as we hoped.
Just wanted to add those thoughts...
Sarah
Posted by: Sarah | March 30, 2008 12:58 PM
I haven't had much time this past week to say thank you for all the great comments and resources here! I appreciate the advice and shared experiences! Our daughter does have an IEP and we are moving forward slowly with the process. We took a few weeks to consider the "recommendations" they gave us and after a long drawn out argument/discussion with the senior administrator of special education, we've decided to see where it goes - mostly because we really need some extra help and with no money and insurance not covering it, we're left with some serious issues that need addressed by professionals. We're continuing to investigate our options and pray about where God wants our daughter specifically - knowing that this might change in six days, six months or six years. I'm very familiar with how God works in terms of seasons. :) Thank you again for your wisdom, support and those of you that said you were praying.
Barbara - thanks for posting my comment and getting some great responses!
And Von...I do live in NC...how can I contact you?
Posted by: Laura | April 6, 2008 1:04 PM
