March 12, 2008 9:55 AM
Parents - thinking about movies
Tripp sent me this link - food for thought:
Seven Mistakes Movies Make
I used to love movies. But I just can't get into the dark, depressing movies making the rounds and often winning the Oscars. The last movie I dutifully watched an unappealing-looking movie to find out what all the hype was about was Mystic River. Ugh.
I loved Brother, Where Art Thou? and think the Coen Brothers are gifted and clever, but I'm very hesitant to see There will Be Blood No Country for Old Men (thanks for the correction, Jennifer - they both sound creepy). Has anyone seen them and are either of them worth it?
Plugged In review of No County for Old Men here.
Don't get me wrong. This isn't so much about forcing myself to turn away from movies the way I turn away from food when dieting - through an act of will. It's more about a deeper change which is turning me away from darkness and toward the light. I'm just going along with it. So in my hotel room last night when I flipped through all the movie offerings there was nothing I wanted to see really, except Juno - and I wanted to wait to watch that with my girls at home.
I find myself no longer interested in the "artistic" merits of a film if the theme is dark, if there is no redemption. They just seem so irrelevant now.
I have listed some of my favorite family movies under Barbara's Picks in the upper left sidebar. There are some wonderful, uplifting films there that you can get from Netflix (by the way, if you ever decide to sign up for Netflix, please go through the link in my sidebar).
Here's a short review of one of my favorites:
There's nothing like gathering your children together to watch a film that boosts their compassion and teaches them simple, spiritual lessons. Try a gem of a tale like The Children of Heaven, nominated for an Academy Award as best foreign film of 1997. There's nothing like gathering your children together to watch a film that boosts their compassion and teaches them simple, spiritual lessons. This one - nominated for an Academy Award as best foreign film of 1997 - is a gem. Set in Iran, it's the simple story of a boy who picks up his sister's newly-repaired shoes, then misplaces them while running the rest of the family's errands. Both of the children are anguished by the loss, as each has only one pair of shoes. They dare not tell their parents, who are already behind in rent and struggling to keep food on the table. And so they come up with a plan to share the brother's shoes. How they manage, and how eventually the brother finds a way to earn another pair of shoes paints a portrait of selfless love, steadfastness and grace.
Last night, to cap off my morning talk at Peninsula Covenant Church a group of moms got together for a roundtable discussion - and lots of cookies! - with lots of specific and practical questions about raising kids. One of the subjects that came up was teaching kids about sex. My advice is that the goal isn't to scare kids away from sex, but to teach them that it's such a marvelous and wonderful gift that God has provided to bind a man and a woman exclusively together in marriage that we wait for the sake of our future spouse - to enjoy the best sexual experience possible. Research has shown that the happiest, most sexually satisfied people are those who have followed this pattern - God's plan always works, doesn't it?
What does this have to do with movie choices? I think of Brooke, a contestant on American Idol, who happens to be married and who presents herself as a pure and innocent adult woman - but who is talented and very, very interesting - not what Simon would refer to as "forgettable." She stated early in the competition that she has never seen an R-rated movie. And she didn't sound like she thought she was missing anything, or giving up anything or against anything. I think she has just naturally been following a spiritual path where she turns away from darkness and toward the light.
To counter a culture where our kids are like little fish swimming in polluted water - constantly assaulted by negative, salacious, exploitative images - we must be proactive in filling their minds with goodness and grace. We need to develop their taste - and perhaps our own - for good, wholesome and redemptive movies.
Just as I recommend reading to elementary-age kids a few levels above their own reading ability - hearing Dickens or Tolkein read aloud will not only increase their vocabulary through natural context but will stimulate more graceful use of the English language - you can choose films to snuggle up and watch with them that are more classic and enduring than the current kid offerings of animation (and I do love Pixar!!!)
Don't shy away from subtitles - you can read them to your children as you watch a movie - don't get dubbed versions of films as the dubbing is distracting and takes away from the emotional tones of the voices.
The bottom line is than in today's corrupt world, we're not just working on keeping our kids pure in a physical sense, but in filing them with goodness, hope and light. We may be coming to the table as parents not quite that way ourselves. But if we allow the Holy Spirit to work within us we can become better role models for our kids. As they see the choices we make - turning away from darkness, self-centeredness, destructive images - they will be empowered to make those choices naturally. It will come from within rather than being imposed from without.
One of the things I mentioned yesterday was that I see this blog as a place to give practical information, encouragement, and inspiration. I also like to think that like me, as you all are busy with your laundry and dishes and chauffer duties, you are thinking about things, listening for the still small voice - that nudge within that lets you know you're about to head in a different direction.
So this is food for thought today: how is your relationship with movies? Has it been changing since you've been a parent? Do you see it changing in the future?
Signing off from California, where I will be meeting Tripp's aunt and uncle in Palo Alto for breakfast, then driving down to the Santa Cruz Mountains to sort manuscripts and get ready for the Mount Hermon Writers conference.
Posted in Movies, Preschoolers, Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
I could be wrong but I thought the Coen Bro's latest film was "No Country for Old Men". I read the description for "There Will be Blood" on Wikipedia and honestly just reading that gave me the heeby-jeebies.
Posted by: Jennifer K. | March 12, 2008 2:58 PM
Personally I have never liked darkly themed movies. I do like scary movies, but not movies about despair. I recently watched The Wicker Man, and it was so disappointing -- not at all what I thought it would be.
When I became a parent, and moreso when I became a Christian, I started avoiding movies that seemed racy or somehow disrespectful. This happened even before I had to worry about the children watching. Somehow, finding the role in life that God had planned for me... well I guess it changed the way I see myself. I suddenly had a lot more self-respect, and respect for that role, and I just felt wrong putting certain things into my head. I felt I should seek movies and TV that were "better." (Don't take this as self-importance, please. I also have a lot more respect for other people. I suppose I just realized that life has meaning and value, and so does following a plan bigger than myself. It was part of realizing that life isn't just about me and whatever makes me happy just at that moment, and that some things really do matter more than what I happen to want.)
One other change I have noticed is that I no longer "get" movies about witchcraft, demons, etc. I'm not so much concerned that they are "evil" as I find them laughably unrealistic. I never can understand why the character faced with standing alone against the gates of Hell doesn't simply call on God. My husband says I have lost my "suspension of disbelief." LOL.
Posted by: Michelle Potter | March 12, 2008 2:59 PM
Great post, Barbara! And thanks for the review of The Children of Heaven. Sounds really good. I just put it on hold at my local library! Have a wonderful time at the writer's conference!
-Kathy
Posted by: Kathy | March 12, 2008 3:38 PM
If you haven't discovered it yet, a great source for good movies is Feature Films for Families at http://www.familytv.com . It is an organization that sells films that uphold the Christian values we want for our families. There is a great variety of films, some they produce themselves, but most are the best of what is produced by others. The films range from those for little children through ones the whole family will enjoy. The one drawback is that they don't rent films, they only sell them, but it is a good way to build up your family film library with movies you want to see more than once.
Posted by: melissa | March 12, 2008 5:21 PM
Barbara,
You've hit on something very important, and often overlooked, in this day and age, regarding the content of movies, books, and other media. We are often more concerned with what we allow into our kids' mouths, than what we allow into their minds! My own husband and I are still trying to work this out... as he grimaces if I get them a Happy Meal (a couple of times a month!) and I am unhappy with the movies he will sometimes suggest.
Besides avoiding the obvious, (sex, nudity, violence, profanity, ridiculing religion, etc,) there's something else that concerns me.
I have to ask myself, what kind of hero/heroine am I supposed to be cheering for? So often today, the "heroes" of the movie do NOT deserve our sympathy or admiration (!) yet the movie is designed to elicit our sympathy for their unethical or immoral behavior.
For instance, take "Pirates of the Caribbean". After someone else allowed two of my boys to watch the movie, the boys were 'answering' my objections with reassurances that they knew it was fake and weren't scared. Ahhhh, but that wasn't the point.
I asked, "Who were the 'good guys' in the movie?" There was a long silence. Obviously, they knew Jack Sparrow was the 'star', but the 'good guy'? After a long pause, my then-8-year-old said, "The soldiers!" Kind of morally confusing, wasn't it?
Or think of Titanic... who are you expected to be cheering for? An unmarried young man and woman whose brief relationship was based on deceit and sex.
I don't go to many movies anymore, and haven't been in any hurry to replace the TV that broke last fall. I guess I'm getting too darn picky!
But I am challenged by Psalm 101:3, "I will set before my eyes no unclean (vile, wicked, depends on the translation) thing."
Ouch.
Julie
Posted by: Julie | March 12, 2008 6:24 PM
Interesting post. My dh loves movies and doesn't share my reluctance to watch movies with dark themes. It's something I've struggled with for years. He went to the theater to see No Country for Old Men and thought it was a wonderfully made movie. He has said "you've got to see that movie" so many times until I finally explained I have no interest in seeing a gory, violent movie no matter how wonderfully made. Then I read a review about the movie which said it did a very good job of showing good vs. evil from a Christian worldview. I wondered if I should relent and see it, but I still don't want to.
When dh travels for his work, I don't watch any TV or movies, because it's too easy for my mind to dwell on fearful things in the dark hours of the night. If I don't allow those things in my head, it's easier. I read the Bible before I go to sleep, especially verses in Psalms and Proverbs that talk about sweetness of sleep. I used to read true crime stories but several years ago was convicted of the dangers of those, too.
I try to remember Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Most movies made today don't fit those criteria!
Blessings,
Sandy
Posted by: Sandy C. | March 13, 2008 9:15 AM
God bless you Barbara for this great tip on Children of Heaven. I am a grandma of 8 always on the lookout for great resources and DVDs/books for them. I clicked on the photo of the DVD in your article and then ordered it from Amazon. I also ordered The Fat Flush Plan (gotta get my copy back to the library) and The Ultimate Idaho Atlas and Travel Encyclopedia. I hope this is the way to do it so you get some money for the sale.
Posted by: Judy | March 13, 2008 11:31 AM
Barbara, Julie...I agree!
And...wish I were at Mt. Hermon! I don't know...that thought just struck me. Sounds so neat!
Posted by: Holly | March 13, 2008 5:17 PM
I remember a few years ago when Will & Grace was really popular, my friends and I all came to the same conclusion at the same time, although it was independently: even though the show was witty and well-written, we just couldn't watch something that so glorified lifestyles that not only were wrong in many ways, but that have brought so much pain to so many.
I have never liked movies with very dark themes. I saw Mystic River, too, and was so disappointed. I don't mind scary - it's hopelessness I don't like. I never saw Titanic because I thought it was horrific to ruin what should have been a story of heroism and sacrifice by bringing in fictional characters who were immoral. I also don't like movies that don't acknowledge God in situations where He would have to be acknowledged, such as Castaway. Although I will admit to very much liking the M. Night Shyamalan movies I've seen: The Sixth Sense, The Village, Signs.
We don't see many movies, primarily because of expense. We used to have Netflix, but we're so bad about sending the movies back that we weren't getting our money's worth out of it! TV, on the other hand, is an issue. I grew up without a TV and while I have a couple of favorite shows (well, one really - LOST), when my husband is gone, I rarely turn it on. My husband, on the other hand, grew up with more TVs than people and watching TV is how he relaxes. He channel surfs while I read a book. :) We are pretty strict about what our kids see. During the day, the only TV my kids are allowed to see is Mr. Rogers. They do have some videos like Veggie Tales and Bob the Builder and some movies, like Sleeping Beauty and Cars (although we limit that one). But sometimes they watch TV with my husband in the evening and he's not quite as quick with the remote as I'd like - he tends to zone out and sometimes doesn't even see what's on or forgets the kids are there. But if I remind him, he's quick to change the channel. He's committed to a higher standard, but he's less aware sometimes.
I think as my kids age, I will watch more movies either with them or before they do so that I can be aware of what they and their friends are talking about and what kind of influences are coming at them. That's what my mom did and our discussions with her helped us kids learn how to evaluate what we'd seen (although I think we were allowed to see some movies at too early of an age, even though they were edited). But I don't know that I'll ever look to movies as a primary entertainment source for myself (unless it's Pride & Prejudice - the BBC version - which my children and husband love!). There's just too many books that need to be read. :)
Posted by: Lucy | March 14, 2008 1:24 AM
Barbara
I find myself saying "No" to certain movies (and TV shows) more and more. There are so many things that I do not want in my mind or waste my time watching. I try to choose carefully what I watch. Unfortunately I have not always done this and have watched plenty of movies I should not have watched!
Also, wanted to tell you I saw a movie this week that I really liked. I don't believe it was out in theaters, I had seen the preview on another movie I'd rented. It's called "Blind Dating". For the most part, it is clean, there are a few unnecessary scenes. But I still highly recommend it! (I rented it from Netflix) It's about a blind man looking for the "real thing" (love). One of the best movies I've seen in a long time.
Juno was pretty good, there are some parts in there that I wish I hadn't of seen b/c I can't get the images out of my mind. But overall, I really loved the main character and the movie is sweet (there were just a few things I would have left out of the movie).
Posted by: Cory | March 14, 2008 4:54 PM
