March 5, 2008 7:46 PM
Vent: to a self-important costume lady
Dear Costume Lady -
I don't know what your day was like - I guess you were busy getting all those costumes together for VSA. Maybe you felt a little stressed.
Maybe it's hard for someone like you to even begin to comprehend what life is like for a parent of someone with special needs (or in my case four kids with special needs, including one struggling through some major issues). But my goodness, I would certainly expect more consideration and respect than you showed tonight when you sped up behind Jesse and me as we exited the costume room - vulnerable, shy, autistic Jesse feeling spiffy and unusually good about himself - and you reached for his hat with a rude "He's not supposed to wear a that."
"He" is an almost 13-year-old young man who deserves to be spoken to directly and with good manners, not treated as an inanimate object.
When I pointed this out, you snapped, "Well, if you would just be on time!!!" So was that it? Were you just mad at me? No, I don't think so because if that were the case, you would have apologized about taking it out on an innocent person.
So I think you just truly don't know how to speak to people with disabilities. When I reminded you that Very Special Arts is all about people with disabilities, you said all huffy and self-important, "You don't have to tell me. I spend all this time getting their costumes."
Hmmmm. Yes, you do spend all that time getting their costumes - which is a paid position. And in addition, you get to feel good about yourself for doing something nice for those "less fortunate."
But your lack of willingness to look my son in the eyes and speak to him like a human being - and your lack of ability to apologize and commit to learning more about working with people with disabilities - makes my guess that you must be one of those people who do things less for other people than because you like the way it makes you feel about yourself.
In the disability community, we run into people like this now and then - people who make money "helping" and pat themselves on the back for doing good. I remember my shock when the neighbor who shunned my sons turned out to be a special ed teacher/guidance counselor. How could someone who makes a living preaching to children about accepting others be so prejudiced in their personal life?
I'll tell you one thing, Costume Lady: every person with a disability in that production - and every parent - has something to teach. Too bad you already feel so content with yourself that you can't learn.
As a parent, I am cut to the quick when someone does not treat my child with the dignity he deserves. Remember - as you're getting up there in years yourself - that someday you may be as dependent on the kindness of others as Jesse is today.
Comments
I would rather have any kind of physical or mental disablity than ONE OF THE HEART like this Costume Lady! Shame on you!
Posted by: Greta | March 5, 2008 9:46 PM
I'm sorry Jesse was mistreated in such way and I'm sorry you have to go thru all this Barbara; as if life wasn't hard enough for him already.
Hopefully tonight, when she is getting ready to go to sleep, the face of shy and innocent young Jesse sticks in her thoughts and somehow a little ray of light enters her heart and helps her to change and see the world she moves on differently, even if just a little.
Blessings for you and Jesse tonight.
Posted by: LadyLovas | March 5, 2008 10:18 PM
