April 3, 2008 3:31 PM
Advice needed: for a son not college-bound
My 17 year old son is in his last year of high school and he is still undecided which road to continue on. We live in Greece, so the college route has too many students who cannot get jobs after graduation. They just have a pile of diplomas to show for. We have agreed he should pick a trade, electrician, plumber, car mechanic. etc.The problem is, he does not know what he wants to. He is going through this phase where he is totally indecisive about almost everything. We want to help him find some direction. We went to the "school counselor" and I suggested a test for helping to find occupation/career choices, but the counselor rejected this as being unreliable. I know he is good working with his hands, he hates to read books and he is a physical person.
I'm sure there must be sites on the internet where we can do some sort of assessment to get an idea of his strengths and weaknesses and to find potential occupations for him.
Please give me some ideas, you have had your hands full with teenage boys. I want him to go to school (even a trade school) after high school, otherwise he'll have to go to the army and I feel he is not ready for that yet (here it is mandatory).
My thanks to you in advance, and know that your blog is like a beacon of light for me out here in the boondocks.
Love, Mary
Hi Mary!
I just want to note that I am not a big fan of Universal College (see Is College for Everyone?). I do believe that each of us has a calling and that the most important thing parents can do for children approaching adulthood is to help them develop their ability to listen to the "still, small voice" and to go forth with confidence in whatever they choose to do.
I am of the belief that all work has the potential of being noble - when it is approached with the right spirit. In the United States, unfortunately, we have looked down our noses at some kinds of work. And our system is skewed so that the most frivolous people on the planet - movie stars - make more in a year than the people who educate our children make in a lifetime.
Our values and our work ethic are completely messed up. At the writers' conference I attended recently I met two women whose husbands had PhD's but who could not find work. Why are we over-educating people for jobs that don't exist?
Which is a roundabout way to begin the answer to your question. My oldest son Josh was never an academic kind of person. Always thrived on physical activity. He went to one year of college and dropped out. He now has a construction company and no regrets. He loves using his hands, working to build things and help people. My second son dropped out of school and is an actor. I currently have two sons in college (one studying opera and one studying computer science) and next year will add a daughter to the mix.
I truly believe each one of these individuals had a calling and their lives are a reflection of it. In a culture which pushes the idea of college, a parent has to shift paradigms in order to support a child who is not called to higher education.
I like this quote from Sorry, Wrong Number: "If a man hasn't got a talent for making money, college won't knock it into him. And if a man has a talent for making money, he won't need college."
I like to change the words to: If a man hasn't got what it takes to become successful, college won't knock it into him. And if a man has what it takes to become successful, in many cases he won't need college."
What I mean here is not success in the worldly sense, but success in terms of having a good work ethic, being a good provider, developing selflessness and caring for the community.
On a practical level, I've always heard that those vocation tests were actually good indicators. So maybe that counselor is wrong?
Also, how does your son feel about going into the army? Many moms tend to want to shield their sons from this archetypal masculine experience. I think it's important not to stand in the way of a young man who feels led to it. I think there's something to the idea that the service makes men out of boys.
I know this advice is scattered - a lot because we live in different countries and so you are facing constraints we don;t have here - but I'm hopeful some readers will have more to add to the discussion.
Posted in Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
What Color is Your Parachute is a helpful book to help see where one's talents might take them in a career. Also, I have heard good things about Crown Financial Ministries, and they have career tools here: http://www.crown.org/Tools/
Posted by: Greta | April 3, 2008 4:41 PM
My children are still far from making these decisions, but I just wanted to give my support. Several years ago I visited France and was told that many people graduated college without any hope for a career in their field. Meanwhile, no one wanted to be the baker, the mechanic, etc., and those fields were in need of workers. It was quite a mess, from what I was told, and I personally met a few people who had chosen to live on state welfare rather than work in a blue-collar job. It's just craziness.
Posted by: Michelle Potter | April 3, 2008 5:29 PM
I think tests are unlikely to tell you anything completely new, but having the data laid out in front of you can spark new insight.
I took the Armed Services Vocational Battery as a high school junior and there's a practice version on Military.com.
Posted by: persimmon | April 3, 2008 7:18 PM
I totally agree with you that college is not for everyone.
Perhaps this mom could let her son spend a couple of days with workers in different fields to see if it would help him decide what he might like to do.
Posted by: Carletta | April 4, 2008 8:33 AM
I agree also that college isn't for everyone. Our oldest is 30, a homeschooled graduate and went the apprentice route. He is now a salesman for a major masonry company and doing very well. We let our boys begin taking small jobs around the age of 13. They were able to try several things and found what seemed to suit them best.
Our second son did a combination of apprentice and college classes and at 28 is a project manager and estimator for a major commercial contractor. There are many ways to pursue life training and education.
I hope this helps.
Lynn
Posted by: lynn mccoy | April 4, 2008 11:10 AM
Hi Barbara! Your reader might want to direct her son toward the Rebelution website/blog and their new book "Do Hard Things". I appreciate the idea of revolting against mediocrity and laziness.
Posted by: Margaret | April 4, 2008 12:24 PM
Barbara,
I am going through this right now with my 20 year old daughter. She spent a year and a half in our local junior college and hated it! She then went to YWAM and spent a year in the mission field and loved it! Now that she is home again, she is struggling to find her path.
She has an incredible heart and loves people. She wants to serve people in our community and has yet to find her niche. She works in a restaurant and makes great money, but lacks purpose and direction. My DH really wants her to go to college. She is open to it, but not excited about it.
Personally, I would love to see her go to a great Christian college where she can discover her gifts and find areas to apply them. I think it would be a great place to meet her true love and settle into marriage and family!
Posted by: Elizabeth M. Thompson | April 4, 2008 12:35 PM
My husband manages in the construction industry. There is a shortage out there for skilled workers of every type. I wonder if any of those PhD's could be enticed ;)
I also know the pay for heavy machine operators is very good. (Cranes, landmovers, excavators etc. and once you get licenced you can run various machines at sites around the world.)
The company my husband works for actually has a quarry in Greece.
Well, that's my two cents. I hope that this young man will find something that is rewarding and makes him happy.
Posted by: Kelly | April 4, 2008 2:08 PM
Last year I faced the same situation with my son. The Lord finally pried him away from me by having a good friend tell me that my job of training him was done. Now all I had to do was get out of the way and let God take care of him.
So,I took my fears for his future to God in prayer every night. I didn't say a word to my son about what he should do. It was hard!
What I did do was to make clear to my son the rules for living at home: He had to have a job, help out when needed, same rules for video games and entertainment as his siblings, be respectful.
(Thankfully he didn't need rules for alcohol or drug use)
After we talked about what I expected from his continued living at home, I let him go.
Four months later, he enrolled in an automotive tech school not far away, he took care of his own enrollment, interviews, financial aid...it was amazing, I always thought he couldn't walk down the street without me. :)
It was more a growing experience for me in some ways than my son, and I'm grateful for it, because I have to do this five more times!
Posted by: Julia | April 4, 2008 4:41 PM
I'm all for some hands-on experience if at all possible. But I also took the Myers-Briggs profile and Strong Interest Inventory in my mid-20's and found them accurate and helpful. But I also had them in the context of career counseling with someone very experienced. More than 10 yrs. later, I think the Strong Interest Inventory was helpful--though I was often happier in slightly offbeat variations of the conventional jobs they suggested.
Posted by: Cecilia | April 4, 2008 5:46 PM
I agree with Cecilia, the MBTI is helpful.
You can take an online version here:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
There used to be a list of the best fit jobs for each personality type at the U.S. Department of Interior, it is now gone.
This website has a similar list based on MBTI type under the section "personality and careers:"
http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/careers/careers.html
Posted by: ElizabethB | April 5, 2008 3:53 AM
I believe taking a variety of tests might be helpful especially if you see them all pointing to a similar field. Would it be possible for him to do an internship or two over the next year of whatever interests him most? That trial run could be very eye opening. I know many who are so glad they went that route and ruled out careers they didn't like and were able to find one they did well AND enjoyed. :)
Posted by: Angela | April 5, 2008 1:52 PM
