April 22, 2008 12:59 PM
Protecting your sons from aggressive girls
Yesterday I brought up the topic of aggressive girls - which is occurring at younger and younger ages, augmented by IMs and text-messaging - and which can take mothers of boys by surprise.
I emphasized the responsibility of parents to be proactive in setting apporpriate guidelines and expectations for sons and daughters - particularly giving boys the freedom to postpone dealing with precocious/prematurely sexual/confused and needy girls who themselves are under pressure from our consumer culture and who have not learned where their true worth lies.
This is a must-read for every parent:
Protecting your son from aggressive girls
by Dennis RaineyOne of my primary responsibilities as the father of four daughters was to help protect them from losing their innocence, especially as they approached the adolescent years. As part of this effort, I met and talked with nearly every young man who wanted to go out with my girls. I asked specific questions and challenged these young men to a high standard of purity.
These experiences led to my book, Interviewing Your Daughter's Date, which was published last year. I received a lot of positive feedback from appreciative dads, but I also got something that I didn’t expect. Quite a few parents contacted me to say, “I really appreciate the helpful advice for raising daughters, but we really need something to help our sons deal with aggressive girls in this sexually-saturated culture.”
Listen to this mother’s frustration:
“I have a very outgoing, charming, attractive 15-year-old son. I have literally been chasing the girls away from the door ever since the seventh grade. The phone calls, identified by caller ID, were left for the answering machine to answer. The aggressiveness and promiscuity of young girls nowadays is beyond words. Their dress is so alluring and inviting to a young man, what’s a guy to do? Moreover, what’s a mom to do?”Another mother wrote after hearing the FamilyLife Today™ broadcast we did on my book:
“After listening to your "Interviewing Your Daughter's Date" program today, I’m wondering if you have been on a high school or junior high campus recently. While I agree with your points today, I have a seventh grade son. Let me tell you that the girls are relentless. So aggressive. He’s at a Christian school, and this is a problem. I can only imagine what it may be like elsewhere. Please address this issue.”Back when I was growing up, there were some girls who were called “boy crazy,” but very few were as forward and aggressive as what we’re seeing today. Based on my conversation with parents, and what I’ve seen through research on the Internet, I think parents are facing some serious challenges. We’re seeing more girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages, and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual activity. As I’ve done research on the issue, parents are telling me about groups of girls getting together and targeting young men.
Of course, I’m not talking about all young ladies. But the situation has changed enough in recent years that we need to ask, “How can we prepare our teenage sons for dealing with the attention and temptation being thrown at them by some sexually aggressive girls?”
Read entire article - with a lot of help every parent needs - here
I'd love to hear your experience and comments.
Posted in Boys, Gender differences, Girls, Mothering, Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
Barbara, this thread really struck a nerve with me. I am the mom of 5 sons and have seen my share of aggressive girls. One time we were in the parking lot at church and as we left, my husband realized our van was surrounded by a bevy of junior high girls all clamoring to talk to our two oldest boys. What in the world? I would have died before I would have done that at their age.
One thing that really was helpful in our home was that we encouraged our sons to see all girls as their sister and to treat them as such, though they were a little tougher on their own sister at times! We also didn't allow dating in the teen years and encouraged them to we wise and proceed slowly in relationships when they went to college. Looking back, it was a wise decision and I believe all of them would agree that it was.
Girls are taught today that they should be the aggressors and the ones pursuing boys. If you pick up a teen magazine, the message is clear. And they are also inadvertently taught that they can be sexual predators. I believe a mom has every right and duty to step in, to warn her sons what an appropriate woman ought to be like, and to admonish any young lady who treats her son like an object. After all, Proverbs 31 was written by King Lemuel's mom to her son to warn him of just the same sort of thing!
Posted by: thatmom | April 23, 2008 8:59 AM
Wow! What a post. It kind of stings, though. Growing up, I was the aggressive girl. I wasn't promiscuous-shockingly! However, I do believe dynamics have a LOT to do with a female's psyche. I had a mother who went out of her way to slaughter and hide my femininity (after all, I couldn't be prettier than her),and a father who didn't give a hoot because I wasn't a boy (and tried to get me out the door married so he didn't have to deal with an unplanned pregnancy as fast as he could). So, I never really learned how to be a true lady- until I encountered two female Christian neighbors. I still send one a Mother's Day card every year (due to the fact that she's still alive). I'm still learning, under the Lord's guidance, how to be a true woman of character-not this femi-Nazi garbage that is pushed today. I also have two sons. However, I want them to be GODLY MEN who will be excellent husbands and fathers.
Posted by: eve7 | May 9, 2008 5:05 PM
