May 26, 2008 11:11 PM
Alex Barton - interview with his mom Melissa
It's 11:00 and I should be packing for my trip tomorrow, but I was fortunate to be able to talk to Melissa Barton, who's doing a bit of getting ready herself.
Melissa and Alex are scheduled to be on the Morning Show (CBS) tomorrow.
"It makes me nervous. But it's for Alex and I would do anything for him," Melissa told me.
The news we've so far gotten from the MSM has been scanty. Melissa filled me in on some background which will be helpful for readers wondering like I was how it came to pass that a kindergarten teacher could do something so cruel and abusive as to encourage a classroom of five year olds to criticize one particular student and then vote him out of the class.
Melissa and her two sons moved into the St. Lucie school district in January, coming from a Martin County school where Alex had had some behavioral problems. The principal at his new school was helpful in beginning the assessment process which would result in an IEP - but Melissa notes, "it had been dragging out since February." In the meantime, school personnel relied on what Melissa called "a makeshift IEP" - an informal program to help Alex which involved an assistant coming in three times a week to help Alex stay on track.
As Melissa describes his behavior, Alex sounds a lot like my child with autism (who happens to have Down syndrome as well), with inexplicable behaviors that make no sense to us "normal" people but which seem to serve some sort of stress-relieving function. Alex's behaviors include hiding under a table and eating paper and crayons.
As weird as these may sound to parents who don't have autistic children, what's important to note is that these are not actually disruptive behaviors. And as Melissa notes - there is a big distinction between the-kid-can't-help-it harmless activity and actual threatening, damaging, or disruptive acts.
"When Alex hums or spins, it's like being on auto-pilot. It's not unruly." As a mother of a child with autism, I agree - these are behaviors that cannot be helped - although with a plan we can work to modify or redirect them - but these are not unruly or harmful behaviors.
Evidently this distinction was lost on the teacher. As were other fine points like the behavior modification plan for Alex in which he was rewarded with tokens which he could accumulate and use for things like the lollipop he chose one day and put in his backpack to take home for his brother. When Alex took it out, the teacher took it away from him. You just can't fool around with a behavior mod program like this and expect it to work.
When I asked Melissa if the teacher's Kids' Tribunal came out of the blue, she said yes - it had taken her completely by surprise.
But then, in retrospect, she remembered a Hispanic parent telling her on a field trip that she thought the teacher was mean to her child. Melissa brushed it off - which she now regrets.
Now she remembers being at the kindergarten Mother's Day program, where the teacher was obviously very disturbed by a younger sibling who made baby sounds - not crying or screaming - and everyone noticed the teacher glaring. Alex picked up on the teacher's anger and asked his mom, "Why is that baby getting in trouble?"
"Now I'm dealing with the consequences of not being proactive," Melissa says. "I wish I'd seen the signs - the rudeness to parents, the rudeness to kids - and said something to her. But I never stood up. I didn't want to rock the boat.
"Now I know that is wrong. It is the parent's place to stand up and say something. I try to protect my kids - teach them about stranger danger, evaluate their movies and TV - but one person I would never think I'd have to worry about would be a teacher.
"That was foolish."
Melissa is getting the usual mixture of criticism/praise dished out to any whistleblower. A couple teachers have told her privately that Alex's teacher is known as "the meanest teacher on staff." Ouch. I'm thinking that's not a good placement for kindergarten, is it?
So far the school administration and law enforcement officials have refused to take any action on Melissa's complaints. We'll see if that changes when the story airs nationwide on TV tomorrow morning.
As for Alex, since the school year is now finished in their district, he will return to his summer camp at the Boys and Girls Club, where he has gotten along fine during summer and after school.
But first tomorrow, he will go to the nearby CBS Studio to do The Morning Show with his mom. Then to an appointment with his psychologist, who Alex has not seen since the traumatic incident.
"Right now he is under a lot of stress," Melissa says. "I want to shield him, but I also want the world to know about this. A teacher who does this should not be allowed in a classroom with other children."
It's a fine line, and Melissa knows that what is helping her right now are the prayers of people whose hearts have been captured by her son's story.
"This is not something I could do on my own," she says. "This strength is coming from something Divine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To lift button for your blog, save the picture, then link to http://www.mommylife.net/archives/2008/05/alex_is_special.html
Posted in Alex Barton | Permalink
Comments
I just can't imagine. It seems to me that this teacher had obvious warning signs long before this incident -- why was she even still teaching? Do school officials just not care who is working for them?
I was talking to my children about Alex today, and they were pretty shocked and saddened. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but the oldest two have a half-brother on their mom's side who is autistic with a few other health issues. I don't actually know him very well (their mom has lived either out of the country or out of state for the last several years), but the kids tell me that they don't find his behavior weird or bad at all. It's just how their brother is. Maybe I just don't know, but it seems to me that little children tend to be more understanding about things like that than adults do. How terribly sad that one classroom of 5 year olds has been taught to be cruel instead.
Posted by: Michelle Potter | May 27, 2008 1:21 AM
but it seems to me that little children tend to be more understanding about things like that than adults do. How terribly sad that one classroom of 5 year olds has been taught to be cruel instead.
Michelle - this is so true. Kids are so accepting. It is adults - who were usually not exposed to kids with disabilities when they were growing up because the kids were segregated, often in trailers behind the school - who have problems.
It is like racism - something that is taught to kids by that kind of example: "these kids aren't good enough to be with you."
Yes, sometimes kids need a smaller and more secure environment - one of my kids is in a specia ed class most of the day because that is what he needs to meet his individual needs - but often the schools dedicate the farthest removed and most unattractive classroom to the special needs kids, which subtly promotes the idea that these kids aren't worth much.
Kids who are brought up in a spirit of inclusion and acceptance develop kindness and compassion far beyond their parents' generation. Our local high school voted a girl with Down syndrome homecoming queen four years ago. What does that say about what lessons they had learned growing up with her? And how will that play out in their adult lives?
Posted by: barbara | May 27, 2008 5:29 AM
As the parent of a 3.5 year old autistic child, this story horrifies me. My heart breaks for this mom and her son and scares me for my child and this world where she has to grow up.
What I don't understand about this story is the school's lack of response. Are they just saying it's Alex's word against the teachers'? From what I've read, the teacher isn't denying it happened. And did Alex have to leave the classroom/class once he was "voted" out? How is this legal/possible, etc? I
Posted by: Laura | May 27, 2008 7:44 AM
I am absolutely outraged!!! I have volunteered in my daughters' school since the oldest was in Preschool. One year she had a wonderful boy integrated into her class that had autism. They accepted him wonderfully and even helped him anytime he needed. The teachers were a big part of that, helping the kids to understand and to accept. That teacher should be fired for even suggesting such a horrible thing. What has she taught these 5 year olds? Shes taught them not to accept someones differences and to bully them out. Autism is a very hard condition to live with, but society has to be educated not given the wrong message. Alex has all our support here in Reed City, Michigan!!!!
Shannon, Tristin and Kassie
Posted by: Shannon | May 27, 2008 8:06 AM
My heart goes out to Alex and his mom. I have dealt with this same issue for the last 14 years in the public school system. The teacher is lazy, uncaring, and incompetent. If a black student was treated like this, I'm sure the offending teacher would be fired. Unfortunately for students with disabilities unless they are in a special school, they can count on many issues like this to look forward to.
Posted by: Marsha | May 27, 2008 9:19 AM
This teacher needs to be fired and never allowed
to interact with children again. The damage she has done to this child is unforgivable. She does not deserve to be paid to terrorize children.
She is no better that any child abuser.
Posted by: Leslie | May 27, 2008 9:46 AM
This sickens me. I literally feel nauseous. My heart goes out to this mom and her son. And the other kids in the class.
There was an incident in a private school here a few years ago (that didn't come to light until long after anyone could do anything about it)in which the principal had 2 middle schoolers take a turn sitting in the middle of a circle of their classmates while the classmates told them everything they didn't like about them. She thought that this would take them down a peg-- "tearing them down to build them up", I guess-- and improve their attitudes. Yeah. They were not kids with official diagnoses, but kids who struggled with learning.
The parent of one of the kids says that, for years after, every once in a while her child would get a call from one of THE KIDS in the class saying, "I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have gone along with that." The principal, on the other hand, believed she was being wise by giving them this discipline, the only thing they needed, in her opinion.
My autistic son was never the recipient of anything that direct by teachers-- in fact, they seemed generally compassionate. Even so, I could clearly see the attitude more subtly, the attitude that suspects that a lot of the disability stuff is imagined and that the kid is just manipulative and disobedient and really just needs some good , stiff consequences (that those clueless parents just won't give him)and to be held to standards he can rise to. That'll do it. Prideful, "I know better" theories that too often are applied, to the detriment of their students.
Autism, in particular, is so complicated, diverse, and full of subtleties that people can't get their heads around it. Autistic kids are also sinful humans like the rest of us, and that is inextricably intertwined in what they do. Even as a parent, sometimes I'm at a loss as to how to react, knowing that both are in play. But THIS is inexcusable.
Alex and his parents will be in my prayers.
Posted by: Marian | May 27, 2008 9:51 AM
it is truly sad to hear this news. My heart breaks for your son.
My own daughter who is now 16, and also was in special needs had a similar problem. In fifth grade one of the kids in her classroom told the others kids, don't play with her because shes special. So the kids didn't play with her. It continued. I asked the teacher for help - told him it was turning in from just a one time occurence to a continuing problem. Tried working with the Pricipal too. They did nothing to stop the kids from shunning her. Well long story short, by the time she got into High School, only one girl in the entire high school had the courage to talk to her. Not one other girl or guy would say anything. If a new gal came to school she was told by other kids not to talk to her. Schools did nothing.
We moved out of state her Freshman year to give her a chance.
Do NOT let this go away without a fight. And do not think this will go away - the teacher already did harm by involving other kids - without intervention and proper teaching to THOSE students who were involved, the situation can and will grow.
I thought it would get better, and it did not it got worse.
My advise is to get someone who is trained in this area to speak with the Principal, and get involved in stopping it.
Thank you and god bless.
Posted by: Debi, Lincoln, CA | May 27, 2008 11:10 AM
I am praying that the eyes of the teacher will be opened. We have no idea why she would be so hard-hearted toward Alex.
Most teachers teach because they love children (they are certainly not doing it for the financial gains!) So I have to believe that somewhere under the "meanest teacher in the school" exterior lies the heart of someone who started out loving kids and wanting to bless them.
I hope she will see the error in her ways and repent. I hope she will never forget the lessons she learns through this process. And if she chooses not to learn, I hope she will trade in her crayons for a more suitable profession. I am praying!
Elizabeth
Posted by: ElizabethMThompson | May 27, 2008 11:20 AM
Hi Barbara,
Thank you so much for focusing on this horrendous act that took place in a kindergarten classroom. As a special education teacher I am deeply saddened, appalled, and outraged that something like this could ever happen. I will be the first to admit that teaching children is hard, hard work. It can be overwhelming, frustrating, and exhausting. Sometimes it may take all your strength to respond with patience when you are at the end of your rope. But you know what? You have to do it anyway. Because you are the adult, you are the teacher, and it is your job to do your very best to meet every child's needs in the classroom! What this teacher did was cruel and vindictive. And to be cruel to a child who has been entrusted into your care is reprehensible. This teacher's sick action hurt every single child in that classroom.
However, the outpouring of support for Ms. Barton and Alex has been inspiring to see. I pray that healing will take place for them and that Alex will someday soon realize just how special he is. There are many, many teachers out there who would love the opportunity to work with such an adorable child. I pray Ms. Barton is able to find that teacher.
Posted by: Samantha | May 27, 2008 12:48 PM
Contact Asst. Port St. Lucie School District Superintendent Sue Ranew, and call for Portillo's firing. She's been reassigned to office work with the district. She should lose her job over this, not just her classroom.
ranews@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Posted by: Sheila Jenca | May 27, 2008 2:10 PM
I, too, am horrified by this story. I have an 18 year-old nephew with autism. Never have any of his behaviors been harmful to other children. Teachers and students love him.
When I was a resource specialist in an elementary school, we had the 'first' child with autism included in a primary multi-age class. Because the district would not provide an aide, the parents opted to put him in a special day class. However, the next year, when an aide was provided, he returned. He went in with the same group of kids. THEY CHEERED his return.
I've helped evaluate five kinder kids in the last five years at a new school. One had some difficult behaviors, but nothing harmful to others. Their teachers embraced them and were largely frustrated only because they couldn't teach them as much as they wanted to. But they and their classmates celebrated every advance, from joining the group at the carpet to saying the ABC's with the class. Four eventually went to special classes, but one was able to continue.
If the evaluation process for Alex started in February, it should have been completed in April. The district was out of compliance.
Posted by: mariah | May 27, 2008 5:44 PM
I'm an adult on the Autistic Spectrum myself, so I can relate. Life is so hard, and cruel to us.
But, we can be much stronger than we think we can. Which is something Alex needs to learn to believe. After this event it might be hard to believe in himself, but this is why it's so important that he does.
He's still here. And he's undoubtedly feeling terrible. But that's his own power too. These emotions come from ourselves. To have such powerful feelings, we must be powerful ourselves.
He will have great strengths. People on the Autistic Spectrum almost always are great at certain kinds of creative problem solving. A lot of us become programmers. So called Low Functioning Autistics frequently are even better at this than so called High Functioning Autistics.
Autism is not a curse from god, it's not a sentence, it's not something that needs to be cured.
It's a chance to experience the world in greater intensity. We are lucky enough to have greater challenges. Even if the reward were the same, we are still lucky to have greater challenges.
I'd like to try and explain all of this to Alex himself, but these aren't easy concepts. I think he'll come to his own answers which in the end will serve him better anyways.
I think I'll send him a card that tells him to believe in himself. That seems to me to be the most important thing for anyone with disabilities.
I'm including my email address hesitantly. There are things I'd like to tell Mellisa, and there's more about Autism and the Autistic that is not reaching the public. I feel a bit bad about using this tragedy as a soap box, but this is what we want to prevent.
Posted by: Xuincherguixe | May 27, 2008 6:52 PM
We'll host his button on our site for sure and we'll send him cards! My husband told me to tell you that the vote was actually 15 to 3, because Jesus voted for him for sure and that's the most important vote. Jesus loves him very much!
Posted by: Sisterlisa | May 27, 2008 10:02 PM
I too have a special needs child that made it through public school until the middle of third grade. As a mom I got sent to the principals office for being to involved and asking too many questions. I was no longer 'allowed' to be a part of the school. She is very smart, so they didn't know why I had issues with what they were doing! After all she was reading at an 8th grade level, after all she was an A student in advanced Math....but there is more to school then learning!! What about her emotional needs? When I finally pulled her out of school I learned to my horror the abuse that went on...verbal, isolation, refusing to let her play...then I found out she was vomiting at school because of stress. I was outraged! I'm sure there are good teachers out there...but for me I will forever homeschool my child!
Posted by: Momof2 | May 28, 2008 9:49 AM
Please let us know how it goes. Thanks!
Posted by: Pam | May 28, 2008 3:52 PM
This is an outrage. I heard about this a few days ago and e-mailed the school system and teacher today.
Please e-mail me privately if you can and tell me how I can get in touch with Melissa. As a member of the occupational therapy department in a school system in Georgia, I would really like to talk with her.
Posted by: Chris Hipsher | May 28, 2008 4:20 PM
These government schools are not and have never been very much about children. There are, of course, well-meaning and good-hearted teachers in the system--but the system itself is little to do with the welfare of children. Any of you ladies who have resource to do so would be well advised I think not to expose them to government education at all. It is not about children, and has little to do with education. That's your responsibility.
Posted by: David I. Harryman | October 21, 2009 3:36 PM
