July 8, 2008 9:54 AM
Kids by the Dozen - big family pros and cons
When Kids by the Dozen first aired, I had every intention of watching it. But the thing is, I don't like TV very much and find it hard to sit down and watch stuff.
Though I've never reviewed or seen the show, my entry linking to the schedule has become a clearinghouse for people's reactions, pro and con, to the Jeub family episode.
Last night, apparently, there was a rebroadcast of the show - next time, will someone please alert me so I can see it? - and my sitemeter suddenly started registering 350 visits per hour.
This morning, there were dozens of comments - only a few of which made it past my moderation policy.
While I do not mind presenting opposing views - in fact I enjoy the discussions they engender - I will not carry comments that ridicule or insult groups of people. So while I publish thoughtful takes on the Jeubs and their perceived shortcomings, I have deleted remarks that condemn all large families or all families who homeschool.
You all need to have more open minds.
Perhaps you're not aware that many of our greatest composers and strongest leaders came from large families.
Re: the frequent assumption that kids from big families are less intelligent or creative because their parents can't give them one-on-one, consider these composers from big families (a partial list):Bach - eighth
Mozart - last of seventh
Beethoven - fifth
Schumann - last of five
Wagner - last of nine
Offenbach - seventh of ten
My kids are very interested in the arts. One is a working actor. One is studying to be an opera singer. One is bound fro Broadway.
As far as whether they suffer intellectually, I see the opposite in that their reading and discussion stimulates their thinking. My sixth child is a National Merit Scholar. My seventh has read every Jane Austen novel at least twice.
Children from big families with devoted, intentional parents are often more compassionate, kind and respectful of others - less selfish and self-centered. They have lots of experience with teamwork and strong work ethics. These are big pluses for human beings.
Big families have pros and cons. So if you are one of those who was deeply disturbed by the Jeub family, remember to keep an open mind. And as far as the remarks disparaging ALL homeschool families, remember that homeschoolers are running statistically higher on achievement tests these days.
Just a few remarks off the top of my head. Hoping for fresh comments from readers, but for those with open minds who are curious about how big families might not be fairly represented by the Jeubs, read
Are kids from big families disadvantaged?
Do mothers of big families or kids with special needs face more judgment?
Do mothers of big families or kids with special needs face more judgment - Take 2
Elisabeth Elliot on Too Many Children
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Photo taken Thanksgiving 2007 - with 8 of our 10 kids (plus daughter- and son-in-law) and 5 of our 11 grandchildren.
Posted in Big families | Permalink
Comments
What a beautiful family you have! You have been greatly blessed. :o)
Posted by: Wendy in VA | July 8, 2008 12:06 PM
As the youngest of 10 (who's father died when I was 1 and the oldest had just turned 16) I can say that we're no less intelligent as you move down the line. No, we didn't have outside "enrichment" classes but we did have the dinner table. Current events, schoolwork, friendships and life in general were among the topics discussed by all according to their understanding. Being exposed to the interests, work and opinions of my older siblings helped to develop my mind much better than a class with my peers. No, we weren't rich but we definitely weren't poor in any ares that counted, most especially love. (BTW - I was a Nat'l Merit Finalist too).
Posted by: Reen | July 8, 2008 1:29 PM
My kids and I really enjoy watching the Kids by the Dozen shows. Levi (6) especially loves the Duggars and doesn't understand why he doesn't have as many brothers to play with as those kids have. He also wants us to buy a bus:) Anyway. I think every family has pros and cons. There are definite downsides to having small families, but most people don't consider those because these days society's norm is a small family. Perhaps for some people dwelling on any negative aspects they can find in large families is easier than considering the real reasons that they're unwilling to consider having a large family themselves.
Posted by: Shannon Miller | July 8, 2008 2:33 PM
When I first heard of the Duggars and watched their shows, I googled them to find out more about this amazing family. I was SHOCKED and profoundly saddened by the utter disgust and hatred some people have for large families! I still don't understand it.
Posted by: Smockity Frocks | July 8, 2008 6:38 PM
We have four children and an 11-month old foster daughter, (as foster parents we have had up to 8 children at once) and we have received our fair share of looks, glares, and funny remarks. When people ask how do we do it, my husband laughs and says we don't! We just take one day at a time and try not to get upset over the little things. Our hands may be full, but thank God that our hearts are fuller!
Posted by: Shauna | July 8, 2008 7:38 PM
I agree with Shannon that it is easy for people to focus on the perceived "cons" of having large families, rather than to examine the way they are living their lives and why they chose to have a small family.
However, the following quote I found on the Jeub's website concerns me:
"The kids help each other and develop sibling relationships that, amazingly, substitute for the need for parents to fill that relational need."
I believe that nothing can take the place of a parent and that no sibling, no matter how loving and attentive, can (or should try to) fufill the role or take on the responsibilities that rightly belong to the parents.
I've personally always want to have a large family (6+ kids), and am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that that may not be possible. However, should we ever have the family we want, I will be very careful to make sure that all of my children are allowed to be children, and that undue responsibilities are not placed on the older ones.
There is a very fine, and perhaps foggy, line between appropriate responsbilities for older siblings and taking advantage of older siblings to fill the needs/roles that belong to the parents. I think it only safe to err on the side on less responsibilities than too many.
Posted by: Anna Keiter | July 9, 2008 12:42 PM
Anna,
Your point about being sure to allow all the children to be children and not quasi parents is right on. At my Mom's 70th birthday party my oldest brother (1st of 10 who'd just turned 16 when our Dad died) spoke directly to that. He said that having worked in child protective services all his adult life and having seen so many parentified children that it put him in even more awe of our mother. Never did he feel any pressure to take over our Dad's role...rather he knew his job was to be a good kid, student and brother and to continue to grow into manhood in a way that honored Dad's memory. We children are truly blessed to have the Mom that we do.
Posted by: Reen | July 9, 2008 2:59 PM
