August 19, 2008 9:54 PM
More U. S. women childless in 40s
From CitizenLink:
More U.S. Women are Childless by Jennifer Mesko, editor'So much of our culture has made kids seem like big sacrifices and a big inconvenience.'
One in five U.S. women in their early 40s has no children, according to the Census Bureau. That's double the level from 30 years ago and a record high.
Women age 40-44 who do have children have fewer than ever -- an average of 1.9, according to the report.
"A lot of women are not having any children," Jane Lawler Dye, a Census Bureau researcher who did the report, told The New York Times. "It used to be sort of expected that there was a phase of life where you had children, and a lot of women aren't doing that now."
Candice Watters, who left her job at Focus on the Family in 2002 for full-time motherhood, said most women want to have children but may be waiting too long.
"There is the perception, perpetuated in large part by Hollywood, that you can wait until your late 30s or even your early 40s and have a baby without too much trouble," she said. But "it's really difficult for a woman over 40 to conceive."
And the culture isn't helping, Watters said.
"Women feel cultural pressure to get all of their schooling done, and much of their career-building done, before they even start to think about marriage," she said. "My advice is to make getting married and having babies at least as much of a priority as your education goals and career goals."
Watters addresses those issues in her new book Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen.
Carrie Lukas, vice president for policy and economics at the Independent Women's Forum, agreed the culture shares responsibility.
"So much of our culture has made kids seem like big sacrifices and a big inconvenience," she said. "There is something to being an increasingly secular society and being a little self-absorbed in not thinking about the legacy you want to leave."
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Candice Watters founded Boundless.org webzine for Focus on the Family in 1998 and continues to write about dating, getting married and "fitting kids into a life."
I wish people would just get it: Children are blessings, not burdens. At the end of your life, will it matter what job you had, home you lived in, car you drove? Will it matter whether your kids wore designer clothes, had the latest gaming equipment, went to the "right" school?
No. What will matter are the things you've done to affect the future. And we do that through raising children in the values we hold dear.
I'll tell you one thing - I get a certain amount of satisfaction in the increased odds of my values prevailing because I chose to have a lot of kids while others chose against them.
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Comments
A few years ago, I had this amazing boss and I really admired her...until...
When I came to her requesting time off for my upcoming honeymoon, she begged me to wait to have children until I'd finished college. I smiled and nodded and went on my way. My first child was conceived on our honeymoon (quite by accident, but much by God's design). When she found out, it was as if she was grieving for me. She was the mother of two grown children, but she'd always worked outside the home and thought it was tragic that I was being stunted by motherhood. I became a bit of a lost cause I think to her since I was being wasted by my choices to become a mother and set aside my career plans.
Her words sometimes pop up in my head and heart and still surprise me at how much the criticism has the ability to pick away at me. Thankfully, there are voices like yours balancing out all the "you're wasting your life" voices, bringing truth back to my heart.
Posted by: Laura | August 20, 2008 8:41 AM
I wish people would just get it: Children are blessings, not burdens.
Thank you barbara. Yes we have been blessed by our chidren and the gift of our grandchildren.
Posted by: gloria | August 20, 2008 10:19 AM
I am already worried. I am an older (in her 40's) mother and my kids have several aunts and uncles who have no kids. Since we are all working together to care for my elderly (in her 80's) mom and my equally elderly (also 80's) father-in-law with Alzheimers, I wonder how my kids will take care of more elderly relatives with less people to help. Those who did not want to be bothered taking care of "rug rats" may find no one willing to take care of them when they are no longer able. This is a fact I point out when they are claiming I am crazy to have more than 1 child. ARGHH!!
Posted by: Jane Duquette | August 20, 2008 10:26 AM
I really enjoy Boundless and deeply respect their pro-marriage and pro-children perspective. They always have great articles encouraging Christian singles to thoughtfully and carefully prepare for marriage and to be ready to welcome children as a blessed part of marriage.
Posted by: Becky Miller | August 20, 2008 11:19 AM
I figure that I'm trying to outbreed the idiots (okay, its not original, but if I can apply it to myself...lol)....
Seriously, I've wondered the same--who do these "I'm too busy for children"/"Children are a burden" folks think is going to be their doctor--their nurse--their mailman, for Pete's sake, if EVERYONE thought the way that they did? Those NPGers who decide children are a poison to the planet, and therefore have none, are going to be the Have Nots of the next elderly generation, when they have not got anyone visiting them, anyone to assume the burden for their care and upkeep (physically OR emotionally). The "we'll only have one child by choice" crowd is almost as bad--putting the burden for both parents on one child--all of the expectations, all of the financial and emotional concerns onto ONE (and, God willing, their spouse, in time)...how selfish and selfserving! I've seen so many people who have suffered SO much because of such choices made by their parents.
Obviously, the above does not apply to those who would LOVE dc, or who would love MORE after their first and for whatever reason are unable to bear children...God bless them for their willingness...even though it is not working the way they would have liked...
Thanks be to God, He has seen fit to be exceedingly generous with our family--I'm currently expecting our sixth blessing (due in the spring). But DH's family of 13 children, has only 14 (for now) in my children's generation...15 counting the wee one currently being grown...and DH is one of the youngest of the dc in his family--our babies are the absolute youngest among their cousins (I was made a great aunt when we got married and I was 21, if that gives you any ideas). Amongst the cousins, they've had 11 children so far, amongst the ones who have married/had dc. There are 7 married--two of them have had no dc..) So maybe there is some hope for the next generations...
But we really need to hope that people's eyes are opened before it is too late--one of my sisters keeps putting it off, and putting it off (she put off marriage til she was just shy of 30, and is saying that it will be several years--if EVER--before they try to have any dc. I half want to ask her who she plans on taking care of her and her dh (he is almost 15 yrs older than she is) when they are elderly--her niece and nephew on her DH's side? Her nieces and nephews on her side? Mercy....what a mess we've gotten ourselves into by our selfishness and shortsidedness...
Rachel
Posted by: Rachel | August 20, 2008 1:25 PM
I know a lot of women who would love to be married and have a family, but have not found a man with the kind of maturity and desire for that to be possible for them. And they don't want to raise children without a dad. Some of them are even starting to consider adoption as a single woman because they so long to have children. I think there is more to this story than meets the eye.
Posted by: beccy5402@yahoo.com | August 20, 2008 4:57 PM
As a single woman in her early thirties who would love to be married and have a house full of children by now, I agree with beccy5402. There is a bit more to this story than just the women. My mother hounds me daily about the age of my eggs and her desire for grandchildren, but I woun't have them outside of marriage. Takes two to get married and I am only one. Consider that the statistic is that the more education and higher IQ a woman has the less likely she is to be married. Also, men who are more educated wait and get married later... to younger women. I would love to put family ahead of my career, I simply have no family.
That said, the article is right about the lack of children and the problems it causes, as are most of the posters here. As the custodian of my 84 year old grandmother, I find myself regularly worried about what will happen to me in my old age... It is a very scary thing.
Posted by: Sandy | August 21, 2008 9:16 AM
As someone who took years to get pregnant and had to have the help of fertility doctors, I sometimes find myself jealous of those who are able to get pregnant so easily. Yet, your blog gives me hope. My husband and I have 5 year old twins and suffered a miscarriage with the last successful fertility treatment. Right now, we are in a transition in our life and cannot afford to try fertility treatments or adoption. We do plan to do both in the next couple of years. If we cannot have any more biological children, we know there are a lot of other children who needs parents (and siblings) who will love them.
Posted by: Jen @ JenuineJen | August 24, 2008 6:25 PM
