August 19, 2008 9:02 AM
Once upon a time there was a retard
If you're shocked to read that title, you're not alone.
Still, despite the controversy surrounding a movie which promoted itself with that tagline, thousands of people streamed into theaters to catch the opening of Tropic Thunder last weekend.
The movie has already spawned a new catchphrase/Tshirt slogan: Never go full retard.
Last spring I wrote about the hurtful way a vice principal used the word "retarded" as a slapdown when I was advocating for an appropriate education - rather than babysitting - for my son. The follow up? Given a teacher who believed in his ability to succeed, Daniel blossomed beautifully, and in a new full inclusion setting this summer received unsolicited kudos from the teacher and principal. Which shows just how much each of us - no matter our intellectual ability - rise to the level of expectations.
Why limit anyone's expectations by labeling them in such a hurtful way? And it does become hurtful when you throw that word around as a putdown of others. To those who think it's only a word, I would remind you that words mean things - and they pack a lot of power.
Special Olympics is building a grassroots campaign urging people to "Change the conversation . . . stop using the r-word."
Our choice of language frames how we think about others.
It is time to respect and value people with intellectual disabilities.
It is time to accept and welcome them as our friends and neighbors.
As of this moment, 6,573 people have made this pledge. I would hope parents would pass this on to their children and teachers would pass it on to their students.
Want to carry this at your site? Find the embed code here.
Thanks to the ARC of Virginia and Arc of Northern Virginia, and to the gifted and talented Will Schermerhorn, whose son is the teammate pictured in the PSA.
I am actually glad this happened because it exposed something ugly that merits public discussion. And it's offering many people the opportunity to reevaluate not only their words but the divisions their words have created and perpetuated in their own minds.
Life is full of possibilities - for every human being.
See also: R is the new n-word - time to bury it too.
Posted in Disabilities, Down syndrome, Entertainment, Inclusion, Loudoun County, Pro-Life Issues, Special education | Permalink
Comments
I still hear kids say this word all the time. I stop them dead in their tracks too. I'll also let my little ones know that this word hurts.
-Shannon
And I have NO desire to see that movie anyway. What a waste of money. Makes me not want to buy Dreamworks movies anymore.
Posted by: Shannon Best | August 19, 2008 10:01 AM
You're right, Barbara, this is what we call a "teachable moment" for those in society who are still calling our children hurtful names, without being aware of the damage their attitudes inflict.
I will be posting this beautiful video.
Posted by: Leticia Velasquez | August 19, 2008 10:22 AM
Our church-run school is about to start tomorrow. Last week I wrote a letter to the staff asking that we start a strict campaign to eliminate that word. You would think it wouldn't be used in a church school, but people (even Evan's friends) just don't stop to think. All the teachers & staff have agreed that we will treat that word like we would any cuss word. So tomorrow morning they will be explaining to their classes why they should not and can't use that word. The pastors have also agreed to talk about it from the pulpit and in conversations and make it known that the "r" word is no longer tolerated here. Wish us luck on this journey!
Posted by: Lori F | August 19, 2008 10:44 AM
Shannon, I'm with you. I stop anyone that uses the "r" word in front of me. It makes me livid. I also have no tolerance for people using "gay" as a derogatory term. Language is powerful. We must be careful how we use it.
Posted by: Anna | August 19, 2008 11:39 AM
The word "retard" is not approproate in any context, but I remember a story from years ago when my eldest daughter was 6 (in first grade).
She was riding the bus into school, and there was a little girl named Megan who had Downs syndrome. My daughter would sit with her and play with her, but never learned her name.
One day the bus stopped, and Megan needed a teacher to take her off of the bus. The bus driver sent my daughter into the office to tell them to send someone out to escort her. She complied, and when asked who they needed to escort she said: "The little retarded girl".
They went all P.C. on her and went up one side of her and down the other. They called my wife in for a conference about the appropriateness of the language.
My wife explained:
"I work for the Association for Retarded Citizens. We are very cognizant of the proper terms to refer to the handicapped, but my daughter is 6. She meant no insult by it and the girl wasn't even in the room. She used it as a way to describe her, much like saying: "the girl with blonde hair", but more effective since you also know why you needed to escort her."
Posted by: Tony | August 20, 2008 1:38 PM
Hi! I'm glad this is being discussed. I have three older brothers who are doctors, they all married doctors, and my father was a doctor as well. I grew up exposed to many medical terms and discussions, and "retarded" is a word I'm accustomed to. I started wondering if it were a derogatory term when I heard some acquaintances talking among themselves about some girl who apparently had a mental disability. One of the girls referred to her as a girl who was "M.R." and she said it in a hush-hush tone, like it was something to be ashamed of.
I have a 40-year-old sister who has Down Syndrome, and I love her very much. Seeing other people and kids with DS make me smile because I find them cute. But the only time I started to think of the word "retarded" as somewhat derogatory was after hearing that conversation. So if it's derogatory, what words are better to use? Is this a case of being politically correct? I'm just getting a bit tired of terms and phrases being changed every few years out of "political correctness." For example, I don't think there's anything wrong with "disabled" and I certainly don't look down on people with disabilities. But I don't like it when people insist on using "differently-abled." I think it's somewhat a manifestation of feeling defensive when there's nothing to feel defensive about. Hope I'm not offending anyone by my remarks but I would appreciate your ideas on the matter. And I didn't mean to offend anyone, and if I did, I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Sunnyday | August 21, 2008 1:16 AM
I fully agree with this, perhaps when the beginging when the word was used it was not meant as something bad, just as a descriptive term which means slower, which yes is the truth. HOWEVER since this word has been turned unto a slur against someone meaning they are truly stupid, I resent the fact that it is used now. M child may be slow, but you can not say he is stupid, he works to his abilities which is NOT stupid. So I agree get rid of the darn word.
My Andrew and I will be happy about it.
Hugs
Amy
Posted by: Amy | August 22, 2008 2:03 PM
I work for a parenting magazine in the Philippines, and we are coming out with an issue on kids with special needs as the theme in November. This matter about the word is coming to my attention only with this post; probably it's a matter of culture. In my country, I don't think the term has come to be known as some kind of slur. It's just plain and simple a word that describes a condition which has among its characteristics slowness in intellectual capacity. Though the more common term that's being used is "person with special needs".
Posted by: Sunnyday | August 23, 2008 1:11 AM
