November 12, 2008 3:11 PM
Tripp update
I'm sorry. I was so depressed yesterday that I was unable to blog about what is going on with Tripp. All I could do was blog some not-so-personal -- but I hope helpful -- entries. And it was Veterans Day, so there were certainly things that needed to be said.
I started my day by mixing a special health smoothie recommended by Dr. Sears, which Greta was so kind to send to me and for which I had gotten the ingredients Monday. These days, with so many things left undone - I've just told the Downzers' teachers that I cannot do homework with them right now - it does help when I can achieve some small victory like that. I remember visiting Bill and Martha Sears when he was recovering from colon cancer, had gone through chemo and was researching alternative solutions to combat the illness. He came out strong. I am putting all my family on this regimen and getting up a little early each morning to make it happen.
Had to skip my shower - am I the only one this happens to? - to make it to Valley for their Veterans Day celebration. This was their ninth annual, and thanks to the ongoing efforts of History teacher Marti Potts, an unusually moving old-fashioned small town event. Veterans are invited to be honored by the community and the community is reminded of the sacrifice and selflessness of those who've dedicated their lives to securing our freedom.
Maddy had a solo and it is always such a blessing to hear her sing. This is how my days have been - rays of sunshine like the WaPo article which I hope may save lives - mixed with the reality of the ongoing crisis with Tripp's knee. God has been gracious to provide these bright spots. . . .
which makes me feel guilty for allowing depression to overtake me, But every once in a while it lurks beneath the surface, which is why though I kept it together yesterday I could not write about my life. I know I left you hanging and I know you've been praying and a couple of you have emailed to ask what is going on.
What is going on is that Tripp had a fourth operation yesterday to remove the knee replacement because they have given up on fighting the infection with it in place. They have put in cement "spacers" which will keep his leg stretched while he spends two months trying to permanently shake the infection with a PIC line and self-administered IVs. Then, if his labs look okay, one month off the antibiotics, then one month back on - for a total of four months. If all goes as hoped, them in March he will receive a new knee. If all does not go as hoped - if he turns out to be a "permanent carrier" of MRSA, then I guess he gets a choice of living life with no knee or no leg. Gulp.
Living this way reminds me of a Victor Hugo line:
the heart is on its knees.
My heart is on its knees these days. I know this is not the worst tragedy that could happen. I know there are others that face far more. But the little girl in me wants to throw a tantrum. And the mommy in me wants to spank her. And the saint in me says keep praying, And the sinner says, but I've had enough.
Just keeping it real. I know this is not about me and that Tripp is suffering far more - loneliness, frustration, fear. In an ideal world I would be with him every moment. But I had to leave at 2 because home is 45 minutes from the hospital and my kids' school buses start rolling in at 3.
Oddly enough, I have had no offers of help from neighbors or old friends. It seems when I left my evangelical church I was also taken off the "Inasmuch as you did it unto others" list. I'm not bitter, just observing our dysfunctional Christian family, where people's sights are always turned inwards on their own church. I so think we should be turned just the other way around. Think of a circle of people facing in. Then think of the same people facing out. I really think God would be more pleased with the latter.
So the four Downzers came home, we ate dinner, and then I took them to see the 7:00 Veterans Day performance at Valley and to hear their sister sing. Servicemen and their families were invited to stand when their branch's theme music was played. Justin and I stood for the Coast Guard, which is where Tripp served in his younger days. Daniel and Jesse didn't stand - Jesse because he is too shy (autistic), and Daniel because he is so traumatized by Tripp's absence that he is indulging in every weird behavior he's ever tried out.
Brought everyone home and Matt was kind enough to get his brothers ready for bed. Today a new morning.
Tripp sounded so horrible on the phone. Told me he'd needed a couple pints of blood. He feels weak and helpless. But by the time I got to the hospital he was in decent shape. Of course, he was still on morphine. . . .
Back home now. The kids are coming home on their buses. Matt is working, so I will probably not be out to see Tripp again until tomorrow. They were going to send him to a rehab on Friday but after the last disastrous experience, in which the doctor diagnosed him as malnourished when he came out, he said no way.
Plus he is so, so lonely. At this point, even the craziness of home life is better than too much quiet. And as far as we know, nothing can go unexpectedly and rapidly wrong anymore. There should just be a steady march toward better health. With the added tedium of dealing with a PIC line, self-administered IVs, and a rigid leg. And for a while, large quantities of pain.
So please do pray for us. And rejoice with me that he will be coming home so we have more time together.
Posted in Family, My life | Permalink
Comments
Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry your family is suffering so. I have no words to help or comfort, but know that we are praying for you.
Have you talked to anyone at your new church? Call and request that the sacraments be brought since Tripp can't get out. This will get the word out in you Church!
Lovingly,
Milehimama
Posted by: Milehimama | November 12, 2008 4:29 PM
Oh, I sooooo wish I were close enough to run a meal over to you and give you a big, squeezy hug! You ALL certainly have our prayers, Tripp,especially!!! Sometimes life isn't much fun! I pray for brighter days ahead for Tripp and the whole family!
Blessings!
Betty
Posted by: Betty Connally | November 12, 2008 4:38 PM
Praying, praying, praying, praying.
Love,
Anna
Posted by: Anna | November 12, 2008 4:44 PM
Barbara,
I'm so sorry it's so hard. I hope Daniel does better, with Tripp coming home. I'm sure this is tough on the boys. So glad Matt is still there to help.
We're getting older, and health problems are going to become an unavoidable part of our lives. This is reality. But I'll pray for this one to keep moving right on out of your life.
Fish oil and exercise help with depression.
Posted by: Julana | November 12, 2008 4:46 PM
Hugs and prayers to you.
So sorry you are walking through this valley.
Sue
Posted by: Praise and Coffee | November 12, 2008 4:47 PM
Barbara - I am praying for trip and for you. I know it's hard being the one at home, too!
Posted by: Shannon M | November 12, 2008 5:00 PM
Barbara, my heart goes out to you! I'm sure there have got to be those around you that would help if they knew about your troubles. Perhaps they don't know or are assuming you are such a take-charge kind of person that you don't need their help. Could be!
I will continue to pray. I say to you, "Rest! You are in the Lord's mighty hand!"
Posted by: Kim | November 12, 2008 5:01 PM
My father's foot (then half-leg, then whole leg, then other whole leg) was amputated when I was in high school/college. I cried the day he lost his leg. But, in the end, it actually wasn't too bad. It became easier for us to be with him b/c it wasn't so hard for him to get around. The wheelchair and walker were very helpful, and all the worry and stress over his pain was gone. Even though he was now as small as a child, the whole mood in our house stood tall.
Posted by: Kristin | November 12, 2008 5:12 PM
Will be keeping all your family in prayer.....
I agree with Milehimama in that you should call your new church and let them know what is going on in your life right now. Not only can they be praying, but it opens up the opportunity for others to help bear your burdens in a practical way as well.
Please continue to post with updates!
Pat
Posted by: Pat | November 12, 2008 5:13 PM
Joining my prayers also. What a heavy cross - sending a virtual hug. I know you are a fairly recent "revert", but I'm sure there is a guild or women's society in your parish that helps out in situations like yours. Please let your parish know that you are struggling right now ... thinking of you, Tripp and the kids.
Posted by: Anne | November 12, 2008 5:22 PM
Praying for you Barbara and for Tripp and the whole family!
Posted by: tracie loux | November 12, 2008 5:54 PM
Still praying here, Barbara.
Posted by: KatieButler | November 12, 2008 6:10 PM
I wish I lived closer than just a state away - I would bring you dinner or groceries or do something! I will be praying!
Posted by: Laura | November 12, 2008 6:21 PM
The only problem with cyber-friends is location! I would love to bring you a meal, pray with you or give you a hug. I hope it helps a little to know that so many of your friends care and are praying for you. We do and we are.
Thanks for "keeping it real" with us.
Posted by: Elizabeth M Thompson | November 12, 2008 6:35 PM
Dear Barbara
This is tough.
Just hang on. You can do nothing else. God is sovereignly causing all these things to work together for good. You'll see. But for now, my heart is really heavy for you. I wish I could offer you more than my prayers right now.
All WILL be well.
Be at peace. We are praying.
Posted by: Clare | November 12, 2008 6:56 PM
Thinking of you and praying.
Posted by: Janet | November 12, 2008 7:20 PM
Dear friends,
Now is our chance to make a difference in the life of the woman who has been such a positive influence in ours. I am sure that many of you, like me, would jump at the chance to help in a real way. Please email me at chapngreta@msn.com if you'd like to help. Our help will surely take different forms. All will pray, some will give some might consider prayer and fasting Let's be Christ to our dearest Barbara. Thank you.
Posted by: Greta | November 12, 2008 7:23 PM
Barbara,
My husband had hip replacement surgery a year and a half ago. That was so hard...seven children (the littlest ones were 18 months, 3 and 5) I was pregnant with number 8 (and was getting pressure from a genetic specialist to abort her due to a newly discovered rh problem) AND my husband was in the process of shifting jobs. He was a pastor and we were moving within 3 months over 11 hours away to live closer to my elderly parents (whom we had never had a good relationship with but still felt responsible for.) We had no house (but were hoping to buy) and had no job to go to. After his recovery, we moved and he had five months of unemployment where he drew no salary, no unemployment funds, no...nothing. We had our baby in a "new" land. :)
Those days when he was in the hospital away from me were the DARKEST days. SO HARD. I was without my mate, my soulmate, my teammate in raising these children. It was so hard to see my strong guy weakened, and even out of his mind while under the pain medication. I have never been shaken like that before, nor since.
He recovered, learned to use that new hip again - we moved, found a house for SIXTEEN THOUSAND dollars that we are remodeling (2000 sq. feet and though it needs work it has hardwood floors and lots of potential...GOD PROVIDED IT!) He eventually found a job as a family counselor with a social services agency. The baby girl was born HEALTHY and PERFECT last November, is almost one year old and such a joy. Our relationship with my parents has undergone such a transformation - it is good and our children are being raised near relatives.
I tell you all of this just to say that I understand that "darkness" and the burdens and the responsibilities. I can tell you also that we all grew so much during those days and our children learned even more how to rely on God. Keep holding on to the Lord, Barbara. He will see you through this.
I will keep praying.
Love, Holly
Posted by: Holly | November 12, 2008 7:56 PM
Praying for you and Tripp.
Posted by: Sandy C. | November 12, 2008 7:57 PM
My prayers are with you! I only wished I lived closer!
Amelia
Posted by: Amelia | November 12, 2008 8:49 PM
Barbara, you and your family will be in my family's prayers. I know how frustrating knee surgery can be. I had to have three 5 inch pins put in my knee. I had to keep my leg straight for 3 months. I couldn't put any weight on it at all, and when I finally got the pins out and the full length cast off, it took me a year to get my strength back. I was lucky and didn't have a major issue with infection. I'm sure that has only made things all the more frustrating. Offer it up. Of course, easier said then done... :)
Posted by: Alison W. | November 12, 2008 8:51 PM
Oh Barbara, I so feel for your situation. My husband is such a huge help around the house and with our children, as well as being a constant source of laughter, I know I would be at a loss without him home and without him healthy. We trust that God not only knows all that you are both going through but that His ways are perfect and can be trusted, even though they may not be understood. I think of Romans 8:28, "For we know that ALL things work together for good to them that are called according to His purpose." I will pray for your continued strength and encouragement and especially for Tripp's healing. May God be pleased to answer the prayers of His children so that we can return glory to Him for His goodness and grace!
Posted by: Kim | November 12, 2008 9:04 PM
I have no words of advice except to say we love you ((hugs))
Tell Tripp hello from cyberspace and give him real hug from me.
Posted by: Alison C. | November 12, 2008 9:28 PM
Oh Momma, my heart aches for you. How I wish I was there to help you with the little ones, or cleaning your house, or cook you a meal. Please know that my prayers are with you.
I'm at a loss for words.
Just know I love you and I'm praying for you.
Posted by: LadyLovas | November 12, 2008 9:33 PM
Dear Barbara,
These lines you wrote:My heart is on its knees these days. I know this is not the worst tragedy that could happen. I know there are others that face far more. But the little girl in me wants to throw a tantrum. And the mommy in me wants to spank her. And the saint in me says keep praying, And the sinner says, but I've had enough.
How many times I have felt that way. You are such a good writer.
I will keep praying for Tripp as I remember to.
Take care and remember you are loved by the most Holy father.
Posted by: debbieo | November 12, 2008 9:42 PM
You and your family are in my prayers.
Posted by: Anon | November 12, 2008 9:43 PM
Just a small note of encouragement and prayers.
Lynette
Posted by: Lynette | November 12, 2008 9:51 PM
Wow, I am just overwhelmed by the comments, which have made me feel loved and cared for. Funny that we can be so distant geographically, yet so united in spirit. Thank you so much. Thank you for caring. Thank you for your prayers, especially.
Our priest has been to see Tripp twice and people have come by to give him communion several times.
Holly, thanks for sharing your story, which I remember - what a miracle.
And whoever said "offer it up" - wow, that takes me back to Catholic high school. Now I know what those nuns were talking about :)
I know God is doing something with us - so glad I have gotten over that mindset that "God wants to bless us" - where we think that means material comfort. Actually He wants to draw us near to Him. And in this case, he's succeeding.
Thanks for listening to me in my weakness. I am feeling better. Tomorrow I start blogging Thanksgiving - hooray!!
Posted by: barbara | November 12, 2008 9:53 PM
Oh, Barbara! I am praying. I wish I could bring over a casserole or something. Texas is a long way from Virginia, though.
Posted by: Smockity Frocks | November 12, 2008 10:02 PM
Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry! Sending lots of love and prayers for your family!!
Posted by: Angela | November 12, 2008 10:17 PM
Barbara,
I am praying too! Life is never easy. I am saddened by your situation. Remeber that God never gives us more than we can handle. You will pull through this sronger than before. Blessings on you and your family.
Posted by: Carolyn | November 12, 2008 10:17 PM
Barbara, this sounds soooo difficult, I hardly know what to say, but just wanted to remind you that His grace is sufficient for you. And for Tripp and your whole family.
Posted by: Hannah | November 12, 2008 10:33 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about everything that is going on. Sending prayers!
Posted by: Monica | November 12, 2008 10:55 PM
Barbara, thank you for a needed bit of perspective. On the one hand, I feel like I'm right there with you -- having a hard week, facing disappointments, dealing with injuries and an absent husband (I sprained my wrist -- my right wrist, and I'm right-handed -- and dh is out of town on business). On the other hand, what you're talking about is so much more serious and long-term -- wow! I am praying for you, and will continue to pray for you, and I look forward to hearing about Thanksgiving again.
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | November 12, 2008 11:18 PM
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. To everything there is a season, and if you need time to process and heal your emotions, then by all means allow your self that time. After reading your blog for a while it is clear to me that you are a "never give up" kinda gal. After you have regained a bit of strength from dealing with so much trauma, you will be recharged for the long journey ahead. It is such a blessing that you and your husband have such a strong relationship and that get you through it all together. I agree that calling your parish and having them publish your situation in the weekly bulletin will allow others to be blessed by helping out. I'm praying for your family, as are so many others. Much love,
Karen
Posted by: Karen | November 12, 2008 11:41 PM
Sending prayers up to Heaven and hugs directly to you. Please don't forget to take care of yourself during this time.
Posted by: Libby | November 12, 2008 11:53 PM
I would be depressed too.
I'm sorry it's been so difficult.
I'll keep you all in my prayers.
Posted by: carrien (she laughs at the days) | November 12, 2008 11:57 PM
Thank you for sharing. Praying in NE tonight. My son had MRSA as a newborn, and I know how hard and scary it can be with all the uncertainty.
Posted by: beccy | November 13, 2008 12:02 AM
Dear Barbara,
I realize that you will probably not even have time to read this email but I wanted to write to you in case you do. I am a nurse at a local hospital. I have seen many patients in your husband's situation and have treated more than you would imagine. MRSA is far more prevalent than people realize, and more times than not people acquire it at the hospital. I assume that Tripp is being treated using Vanco or one of the other antibiotic 'big hitters'. My suggestion to you is that you do all you can to boost his immune system. You probably already know this sort of thing, but good nutrition really helps. Keeping him out of pain as much as possible is important, so keep the pain meds going. It's been proven that we heal much faster when we are pain-free. You say that he is lonely. Sometimes there isn't a lot you can do about this but if you can keep him involved with the family and happy this will greatly boost the immune system. There are other supplements you can add to help. I have used some of shaklee products and have felt they really made some improvements in my health. If you want more info on that or other supplements I can help there. I do not currently sell nor do I intend to sell any products so I have nothing to gain there. The last thing I wanted to say was make sure you get some acidophilus in him, whether it be through live culture yogurts or supplements because these antibiotics kill the good and bad bacteria and he can end up with thrush or intestinal problems due to this.
Keep your chin up girl! People recover from this and live long and happy lives. And hey, don't wait for someone to ask if they can help. Use your abilities as a delegator to gather help around you. People love you and your family. Even those of us as far away as Alaska. Tell your readers what they can do. There may be folks in your area that can help and I would love to do something. Just give the word and watch the Lord provide. Sometimes we just need a little kick in the pants.
My prayers are with you, Tripp, and the Family
Posted by: Laura | November 13, 2008 2:33 AM
We are praying for Tripp to recover so that we can see him back on the diamond coaching the Orioles in the Spring. Play ball! Peace and Blessings from Mark and Lisa G. (Go Cardinals!)
Posted by: Lisa G. | November 13, 2008 6:05 AM
I'm praying for your whole family Barbara, and also wish I was close enough to do something tangible. I agree with other posters, ask your new church for help. It's not ideal to have to ask, but sometimes you just do.
Posted by: Jenny | November 13, 2008 7:59 AM
We're praying for Tripp and the rest of your family, Barbara.
Posted by: lauren | November 13, 2008 8:07 AM
Dear Barbara,
Praying for you. I wanted to say that I think you need to ASK for help from your church family whether it be your old church or your new one...hey How about contacting both with specific needs. Sometimes people don't know what to do. If you talk to whoever would coordinate"prayer and cheer" then you probably would get some help...I hope!! Give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they are not as hard hearted as you think.
I pray you will find the help you need as well as strength and good information. BTW..my husband has cancer and we use a great shake to boost immunity listed on Diana Dyer's site. (http://www.cancerrd.com/)website. I bet it would be cheaper and it tastes great. We add a leaf or two of kale as well.
Okay enough advice. I am sure you are too busy to read much anyway. Take Care
Laura
Posted by: Laura | November 13, 2008 8:36 AM
So sorry to hear this latest news. Wish you were close to Our Lady of Hope where we have an awesome Outreach Program. Please be assured of our prayers for Tripp, for you, and your family.
Posted by: Lisa | November 13, 2008 9:28 AM
Dear Barbara, You must feel so isolated having left your old neighborhood and church family. I’m asking God to send people into your lives to support you through this time as well as asking him for a complete healing for Tripp.
When I have been overwhelmed by personal tragedies, it has helped me to focus on just today or even just the next 10 minutes, instead of catastrophizing over the worst that could happen in the future. I also prayed the Rosary and it calmed my heart. Even recently, when I was so depressed over Obama’s victory I kept repeating Christ’s words in the Garden, which are in Fr. Scanlan’s Scriptural Rosary booklet. “My soul is sorrowful unto death.†How those words comfort. He knows first hand what is to be crushed with sorrows. And, like you, I turned to my prayer warrior friends who were a phone call or email away and leaned on them big time.
When Tripp is a bit better, perhaps books on tape or cd or podcasts on an MP3 player might help fend of loneliness and some comedies from Netflix.
Posted by: Judy | November 13, 2008 3:05 PM
Barbara, my heart is heavy for you. I will be praying for you, Tripp, and your family.
Posted by: Aztwinmommy | November 13, 2008 3:57 PM
Barbara,
Like so many others, I am praying for you. Have been looking for opportunities to bless those around me since I can't run next door to your house and take care of you and your family. May the Lord fill you with hope and strength...and perfect peace. Much love!
Posted by: Jenny Fitzgerald | November 14, 2008 1:01 AM
praying
Posted by: paigeu | November 14, 2008 9:18 AM
Oh Barbara! ((HUGS)) I am several days late on this, but have kept this situation in my prayers... I am so very sorry about all this......Prayers, prayers prayers........
btw: thanks for the smoothie recipe. :)
Posted by: Lisa | November 14, 2008 12:09 PM
Barbara- btw.......Not to give you one more thing to think about (LOL!) but: You may want to ask Tripp's doctor if he needs a good yogurt, kefir, or probiotics to replenish all the good bacteria that the antibiotics are taking out of his system. Probiotics ( pro-life rather than anti-biotics anti-life) are amazing!
Posted by: Lisa | November 14, 2008 12:23 PM
