January 30, 2009 12:28 PM
Growing Kids the Ezzo Way - no way!
You can understand then why I am happy to receive email like this, because of my post Growing Kids the Ezzo Way:
Hi Barbara!I comment occasionally and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for an old post of yours. When I first found your blog, long before I became a mommy, I read all of your previous entries. I do that when it's a blog I really really like, and I really like yours!
Anyway, I vaguely remember reading your post on Ezzo. At the time, I didn't really think much of it. I hadn't heard of the book Babywise before and your post didn't mean much to me. However, as I was pregnant with my first child, I had two people from my church recommend Babywise.
I bought the book and read it a number of times before my baby was born. Because my pregnancy had many complications, I decided to not implement the schedule with my baby until she was three weeks old, just so she had enough time to catch up (she was very small at 40 weeks). I tried Ezzo for one day and hated it with all of my being. Something inside of me cried out that it wasn't right.
I remember thinking, but this isn't how God reacts to me when I cry! Why would I treat my baby worse than God treats me!!?? Now, after reading many posts, articles and sites on Ezzo, I ran across this post you had written and I had read years ago. A line from it struck me "When I cry out and God meets my needs, is He being ruled by me?" I believe with my whole heart that God had put that line in my head for when He knew I would try to implement this feeding schedule. I just wanted to say thank you for writing that post years ago. I needed it and God used it in my life to throw away a book and system that He didn't want me to use in the first place. I am now ready to parent by asking God what I am supposed to do instead of relying on a man's system.
Debra
Dear Debra -
Thank you so much for writing. It's a blessing to know that my writing helped someone - even what? 12 years later. I think - 12 years since I wrote that, 3 years since I posted it at my blog.
Isn't it amazing what a spiritual journey motherhood is?
Barbara
Please feel free to publish my e-mail. Yes, motherhood is such a journey!! It's funny because everything I thought I would do, I haven't, and everything I didn't think I would do, I have done! This whole pregnancy and baby experience has been a time of letting go of my expectations and finding out what's most important. I had posted a couple of months ago that I had a partial placental abruption at 28 weeks. Praise God - the doctors were able to keep my baby girl in for 40 weeks! I think it's just now hitting me how close we came to losing her. I am so thankful that God kept her alive and well. He can do anything!!!The last exchange really encapsulates why the Ezzo program is wrong, wrong, wrong. In its rigid control and demand that children conform to the parents, there is no room for parents to change or grow as God shows them how to become more Christlike themselves. The older - and hopefully wiser - I get, the more I see the desire to control as one of the greatest stumbling blocks in our spiritual development. It's ugly in any form. Influence, shape, teach, instruct, guide, lead, inspire - yes! Control? No way. If God doesn't control us, then our own desires to control certainly can't come from Him.
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Comments
Barbara, I was pregnant with my second when I was given a copy of BabyWise. It came from a very godly woman, one whose opinions I trusted, so I thought I would follow the program. That's what I thought.
What I did was an entirely different story. I carried my baby son everywhere I went in a pouch! Oh, and I never quite got the hang of putting the baby on a strict schedule, he put me on one! I held him when he cried and I let him sleep in my bed which made nursing so much easier! I know the experts all say don't do this!
I have now used my Baby-not-so-wise approach with all three of my children and they are amazing people, in spite of the fact that their mommy flunked BabyWise.
By the way, my friend who strictly adhered to BabyWise and the entire Ezzo parenting collection, has also raised great kids. I just couldn't do it the Ezzo way.
Posted by: Elizabeth M Thompson | January 30, 2009 2:37 PM
AMEN to all that! My journey was very similar to Debra's, and I'm very grateful that God sovereignly intervened to turn me away from such a controlling style, where my kids are controlled by me and I'm controlled by some book authors. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Hannah | January 30, 2009 2:38 PM
I also read babywise prior to the birth of my first child, but never used it. I read a book called " SECRETS OF THE BABY WHISPERER" prior to the birth of my 3rd. My husband read it as well. This is a very balanced book, and helped both my 3rd and 4th child to sleep through the night much sooner than our first 2. It also gave them more of a schedule...The book is not as rigid as babywise...It's just smart, middle of the road parenting, and I reccomend it to everyone!
Posted by: Lisa | January 30, 2009 5:25 PM
Thanks for speaking up about the Ezzos.
http://parentingfreedom.com/cry-it-out/
Posted by: Carol | January 30, 2009 5:55 PM
I was given Babywise by someone at church because our church uses the Christian version. My son was already on a strict feeding schedule because he had medicines that had to be given at a certain time with meals. He was also bottle fed because he couldn't nurse and my milk dried up. It "worked" for us in that he did indeed get on a schedule, but I don't think it was the best way to parent by any means.
Our daughter was born full term and I have DEFINITELY changed my parenting style with her. She nurses on demand, which happens to be about 3 times during the day and frequently at night. We co-sleep, so this arrangement works for us.
Now, obviously there were other issues with my son, but I can tell you that my daughter is MUCH more attached to me than her brother was at her age. We have fallen into our own routine that works very well for us. I used to not have a strong opinion on Babywise, but now I certainly do!
Posted by: Lauren | January 30, 2009 7:15 PM
Jess, I followed babywise. It just so happened that the babywise time table and the medical time table were the same. It was ok for my son's personality, but would be horrible for my daughter. The realization that one size schedule does not fit every child formed my strong opinion of Babywise.
Posted by: lauren | January 31, 2009 4:44 PM
I suppose I'd have to say I use a modified version of Babywise. We've had dozens of babies/children come and go as foster kids. Happily, we've been able to adopt seven so far. :) One of the benefits is the stability of a routine for kids. Something that I think may be misunderstood is how I fed my babies. They start to fall asleep and you gently nudge them to stay awake a little longer, which helps them eat a little more, which makes their tummies stay full a little longer, which helps them sleep a little longer, which makes them happier, which helps mommy sleep a little longer, which makes mommy happier! :) The point is that Babywise, when it's done well, (God's way ha ha!) doesn't result in screaming children. Normally I'd be feeding my babies before they even started to fuss, knowing that it was about time to eat and not waiting for them to cry.
Anyway, I'm not here to defend the Ezzos. They have plenty to answer for. I just know what works for our family and our kids are secure in their routines. Besides, how can you get crazy and blow off the schedule if you don't have one? :)
Seems to me Babywise is like much of what is out there. Take what works and throw the rest out. (Just don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.) God reveals His truth to us as we seek His face. We certainly don't all have to parent the same way.
Barbara, I admire you, you're one of the first blogs I read. That won't change whether we agree on this (eternally insignificant) point or not.
Posted by: Lynette | January 31, 2009 6:07 PM
Very interesting Barbara. My MIL gave me this book when I was pregnant with Abigail and Porter. I never did any of it. I donated the book to my local library.
Glad I didn't follow ANY of the suggestions.
-Shannon
Posted by: Shannon Best | February 1, 2009 9:29 PM
When my first daughter was born - BabyWise was all the rage in Christian circles.
I listened to all the advice - saw the little ones with sad solemn faces, no bright twinkle of life in those eyes.
I held my baby a lot. I didn't cater to every whim, but she slept in our bed, so much easier on those night time feedings. She ate when she was hungry, not when I said she could.
She's a lovely big girl - and her sister and brother are wonderful too. They laugh, and sing, and tell my everything going on in their young lives. They have a bright sparkle of life in their eyes. And they are unpredictable.
Vannan just spent her entire Saturday cleaning the kitchen. I didn't ask her to - she just wanted to make us smile.
Oh yeah, I'm grinning from EAR TO EAR. And so is she!
Posted by: Rachel | February 7, 2009 6:48 PM
My wife and I took Growing Kids Gods Way several years ago and it was THE BEST thing we ever did for our marriage. The kids were our biggest source of arguments. All we knew how to do was to copy what our parents had done and neither of those were right. We got on the same plan as a family and it was wonderful. We have taught it twice and will be starting up a 3rd time in our church soon. I highly recomend it. Our kids were bigger so we never took the babywise thing. I can't comment on it.
Posted by: Kenny Winsman | February 12, 2009 10:05 PM
My husband and I both loved Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way. The schedule may not work for everyone but the videos say to ALWAYS feed a hungry baby and not to be so strict on a schedule--to use your own judgment. Either way, Babywise only gets you through the first 6 months or year.
Growing Kids God's Way gets you from toddlerhood up to the teen years. We have benefited greatly from their bible based curriculum to discipline our children. I agree with Kenny...if we weren't doing this, we'd be having lots of arguments over the kids. I don't think this is the only way to raise kids but it has worked wonderfully for us and many of our friends.
Posted by: Dani | February 19, 2009 12:25 PM
I echo the last two posts. My wife and I regularly comment about how the book Babywise has helped our marriage and our relationship with our kids. Definitely not saying that it is the only way to do it...we have many friends with many different philosophies. But it has worked really well for us.
I don't see it being a control thing with our kids whatsoever. It is basically common sense parenting. When everybody is well rested everybody gets along much better. All medical research supports that. Just another perspective I guess.
Posted by: Josh | February 21, 2009 12:37 AM
We have taken the babywise and growing kids courses. Some of our best friends teach it. Honestly, there is not a parenting program I could disagree with more. Sure we have our kiddos address adults as Mr. and Mrs., the interupt rule is pretty good, but the majority of these programs are just plain devisive. I would actually consider leaving our church if they allowed it to be taught. I think I good place to research this program is on the Christian Research Institute (CRI) website. If it is true that the Ezzo's do not have an on-going relationship with their daughters I think questions should be raised. Also, it is my understanding that the people that helped start GKGW are no longer supporters of the program. I cringe whenever I hear someone say they are using the program.....
Posted by: Heather | April 9, 2009 12:23 AM
Absolutely loved babywise because it is about meeting the needs of the baby and the mother. It is not a strict schedule at all and is very flexible, allows you to plan your whole day. My children have developed so well in all areas as a result of developing deep and long lasting sleep patterns from such an early age- so important for brain development which most people don't realise. They learnt to settle themselves from day one and never needed to be rocked. People always comment on how bright, easy and happy my children are. This is purely becasue Baby Wise makes happy, content, well rested, well fed, well loved, secure babies. Love it!!!!!!! I am now in search of The Growing Kids Gods way course in WA. Anyone know of any?
Posted by: melanie herd | April 23, 2009 3:25 AM
