January 29, 2009 12:59 PM
Guerrilla Parenting - winning the culture war, Part 1
I promised I would be rerunning some of my ideas on the one sure way we can win the culture wars. This is a series I call Guerrilla Parenting - and it kicks off with an article I wrote in 1999 which has been published in several pro-life, evangelical and reformed publications:
A CALL TO ARMSWhen it comes to the culture wars, my husband Tripp and I feel well positioned. Surveying the terrain, mapping our strategy, and especially measuring our capability, we feel braced for battle - maybe more than most.
After all, we have twelve kids.
I'll be the first to admit our view of our children as a natural resource is radical in this day and age. One need only plod through a few cover stories on the costs of raising kids today ($799,913 each according to U.S. News & World Report). Or check out at the grocery store behind a grandmultipara (obstetrical lingo for mother of many) to hear the ooohs and aaahs at what it takes to feed a multitude.
No doubt about it, in this country, children are considered a financial liability. Still, I wonder if money is the main issue for most who choose to limit their families. For every "How can you afford it?" I hear a dozen comments on the emotional burden and parents' presumed inadequacies: "I don't know how you do it; two are enough to drive me crazy." "We've got all we can handle (shudder)."
Contrast with this the Third World's resistance to the Population Control Brigade led by U.S. feminists who aim to "help" their darker-skinned sisters by getting them sterilized or birth-controlled. It's been slow going. What the noisy Sisterhood doesn't grasp is that in other countries people don't see the "standard of living" the same way we do. Despite hardship, Third World women still count their children as their treasure.
So, how did our oh-so-sophisticated culture come to hold children in such low regard?
It took a quarter of a century. Since Roe v. Wade, through the popularization of promiscuous sex, birth control and abortion, Americans have absorbed as a fundamental truth what once began as a radical feminist philosophy. That is the child as invader - of a woman's body, life, and freedom. While most Second Wave feminists justified abortion by positing the non-viability of the "fetus," their bolder sisters railed that even if an unborn baby was viable, a mother objecting to this invasion of her body had a right to kill the intruder - just as she might kill an assailant who had broken into her home. Abortion as self-defense was a more useful model for feminists because it removed viability as an issue, thus opening the floodgates for late-term abortions.
In the same way so many once-countercultural ideas slithered their way into mainstream culture, this once-radical departure has become the most-traveled road. Consider one now-common addition to our language: unprotected sex means engaging in the act of reproduction without a barrier to reproduction. The implied warning: If you practice unprotected sex, you might end up with a disease - or worse, a child.
The child as invader. Defending oneself against children. Not so radical ideas anymore.
"I just can't imagine another one." "I've finally got all the kids in school, I couldn't handle another baby!" "I wanted to have more, but my husband put his foot down." I've heard remarks like these for years - on the steps of my local church!
And so I wonder, what would the church look like today if we were influenced less by the culture which sees children as invaders - who will rob us of our freedom, status, beauty, wealth, and sanity - and influenced more by Scripture, which steadfastly affirms children as God's reward?
Psalm 127 goes on to say:
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
Are sons born in oneï³s youth.
Blessed is the man
Whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
When they contend with their enemies in the gate
Hold that thought. Then consider that while our current national birth rate is 1.8, in many Muslim countries the average mother has five or six children.
No army ever won a battle with empty quivers.
Perhaps the Body of Christ should recognize that having many children - if parents work to keep their arrows sharp and their aim true - may be the most revolutionary course Christians in a post-Christian world may take. What if every Christian family had just one more than they thought they could handle? Or decided - as a growing number of Christians have - to trust God completely with their family planning, just as we trust Him in everything else?
As it stands now, believing adults still spend a lot a time, energy, and money defending themselves against children. Oh, what victory might be ours were we to see children not as something to defend ourselves from, but truly our best God-given defense!
Posted in Big families, Pro-Life Issues | Permalink
Comments
Barbara, I've been slowly reading through your archives and have to say that you and Tripp are amazing. Your family is certainly your treasures, and as parents you have done an incredible job in raising these terrific kids. I say that as a mother of 5 who has and still does struggle. There was once a time when I thought I would love to have a bigger family and adopt some children. As it turned out, there have been some rough times where we could barely hang in there with what we have.
Don't underplay the your parts in raising 12 children. It is a great accomplishment that few do.
Posted by: Cath Young | January 29, 2009 2:21 PM
Thank you for this series! I agree so wholeheartedly, but it is neccessary to keep one's eye on the prize so to speak. We need reminders of why we're doing this whn it gets tough, when it seems like no one "gets" what we're trying to do.
Posted by: Shannon Miller | January 29, 2009 2:26 PM
Amen, Barbara!
As former ignorant Catholics, my husband and I were only ever going to have 2 children and once we had one of each, he scheduled the operation, which ended up getting cancelled and not rescheduled until after the birth of our 3rd child, once our youngest began Kgtn. I didn't fight enough against what he viewed was an act of love--as I was overwhelmed and fell prey to Satan's attractive "solution." As I grew in my faith and studied Theology of the Body (a la Christopher West), I had almost NO interest in the marital embrace. I learned about vas reversals and prayed and begged (God and husband) and God moved him to get (and pay for--insurance will not TOUCH reversals) a reversal in Jan. 08. After 6 months of NFP, he agreed to see if God was calling us to be open to life (I am nearly 41; he is 39 and our other children are 12,9 1/2, 3 1/2) and we are expecting a son in May, Thanks be to God! I think often of your quote from Elizabeth Eliot about too many children and will have our parents read it some time. If they knew that my husband had been sterilized then became fertile again on purpose--we would never hear the end of it, sadly. For those who might be interested, I suggest www.onemoresoul.com
God bless you and your family!
Posted by: Jan | January 29, 2009 3:16 PM
I am totally in agreement that larger Christian families have more power in affecting the world for Christ, and affecting the culture for generations to come.... As I have pondered the thoughts of whether or not to have more children, the main thought that keeps coming to mind is that I need to make sure I'm doing this with the intentions of raising sharp arrows. Love what you said here:
if parents work to keep their arrows sharp and their aim true -
I think this is an important statement... We all need to remember to keep our arrows sharp for the Lord... and I agree that most of us could probably raise more than we think we can "handle".... God decides the size of family by opening and closing the womb, or opening and closing the doors to adoption.
Thank you for the history lesson, Barbara...Many of us are too young to know why society changed its stance on children. I appreciate the insight.
Posted by: Lisa | January 29, 2009 6:00 PM
We need to remember that having children - either by birth or adoption - is not the only way to influence the world for good, nor do I believe it is God's call for every woman.
I personally know a woman, I'll call her Jane, who has devoted her professional life to being a therapist who treats girls/women with severe, life-threatening eating disorders. Jane is married and she and her husband chose not to have children of their own in part because of their jobs (he's also a therapist).
While Jane may have never raised any children of her own, over the last twenty years she has saved the lives of hundreds of girls and women. This has required working 80 hour weeks, being on-call over the weekends, and not really having a life to call her own.
Could she have raised a dozen children of her own? Sure. But at what cost? The lives of hundreds of her patients who, thanks to her devotion, time, and effort --- that she was able to give because she didn't have children at home --- are now able to go on and have families of their own.
Posted by: Anna | January 29, 2009 9:46 PM
Amen, Barbara! Now how do we convince the church? How does one young woman, with only one child and a history of infertility, make a difference in a church where the pastors counsel birth control? I want so much to make a difference, but everyone seems so closed--no pun intended. Recently our church gained a large family--how do I make friends? I am so socially inadequate. I don't know how to interact with people, and I feel so strongly that the church is headed the wrong way. I know that I'm where God has planted me for now, and I'm pretty sure there's not much out there that's better in my area anyway. But I feel like I am too young to make a difference, and I don't know how to talk to people.
Posted by: YCW | January 30, 2009 7:06 AM
As always, so well said, Barbara. Although, I do have to wonder about the idea that "we" really trust God with "everything else." Do we? I was really surprised this week by a statistic mentioned in Focus on the Family's Financial Survival 2 broadcast that during the Great Depression, Evangelicals gave 3.4% of their income to charity, compared to 2.6% that is given today. I think this is just one example of how I wonder if we really trust God as much as we think we do, as believers. I wonder if it is more of... we trust God when it is convenient or in the "easy" areas of life where we think we have everything under control.
Posted by: Anne | January 30, 2009 9:01 AM
