February 18, 2009 8:21 AM
Perfecting handwriting - plus a big dollop of parenting philosophy
Since two readers - Christina and Margaret - left the same comment on yesterday's pegboard post I thought I'd move it here where we can all share our experience and ideas:
Hi Barbara,I love reading your educational advice for moms. My question is this: I have a 10 yr. old left-handed daughter whose handwriting is legible but not as neat and consistent as I think a 10 (almost 11yr. old should be). I'm wondering if she didn't get enough of the fine motor activities that you discussed in your article. Is there anything I can do now to improve her skills?
I ditto Christina's question, however my 10 year old didn't choose which hand he would write with until kindergarten and I actually think he could have been a lefty. He plays baseball and football left handed and golfs right handed. He is VERY good in all sports. Any help with fine tuning his writing would be greatly appreciated by me and his teacher :)
First of all, as someone who attended Catholic school in the 50s for first grade - and then later grades 10-12 - I was once capable of beautiful Palmer handwriting - by which you are sure to know Catholics of a certain age :) However, I do not use it anymore as over the years my personality became a factor in my handwriting (yes, I do consider handwriting analysis to be a revealing tool) - plus, as I get older my hands don't work as well as they used to. Plus I am usually in a hurry.
I do hold my pen differently than most people, having it rest on my ring finger rather than my middle finger.
Second point of experience: In raising kids through two generations - and especially with our pervasive relationships with computers - I see handwriting is no longer a valued skill. Teachers seem to have given up. And most elementary schools I've seen - and many homeschoolers - are now teaching D'Nealian for efficiency sake - less time required to learn and perfect it.
Okay, with all that said, I found part of the homeschooling journey for me as teacher was about giving up useless expectations and relinquishing control. Though I used the classic penmanship books (this was back in the 90s), my children ended up with a wide range of handwriting mastery.
My first area of concern was my third son Ben, who refused to hold the pencil the way he was supposed to (there is no way to describe it, so I have just taken a picture to show you). Okay, I was appalled by this - and the fact that I couldn't get him to change. I was a Montessori teacher, for Pete's sake, and I had homeschooled him from the get-go. I used every gadget
I could find to encourage him to hold his pencil correctly - all to no avail. I finally relaxed, realizing that the important thing was the result: how did his writing look? Since it looked fine, I decided to let go of my expectation of how he held his pencil.
This led to a very unfortunate experience when I was writing my first book and decided to try a Christian school for our children. Ben went into the second or third grade, I can't remember. What I do remember is being called in for a meeting with the teacher and principal over the way Ben held his pencil. By then I had realized that Ben was a right-brain kind of person, already showing unusual skill at art. I surmised that somehow the way he held the pen was related to that. The school saw it differently: they insisted it was a sign of rebellion and that he needed to be corrected/punished until he conformed. By then we had started attending the church connected with the school and gone to a couple of the Ezzo Growing Kids God's Way trainings. What we began to see was a pattern of rigidity and over-control of children and church members that was completely at odds with the grace of God. We ended up pulling our kids from the school after only a couple months and returning to homeschool. A couple years later the pastor was charged with molesting a boy at the church and moved to another state in utter disgrace.
Yuck.
Ben still remembers the agony of being misunderstood and misjudged over such a ludicrous detail. As all the unfortunate things that happen to our children - much as we try to protect them, and sometimes that we cause ourselves - I have prayed that God will use this to increase Ben's understanding and compassion for children. Ben did turn out to be an incredibly gifted artist and singer. He began art classes at the junior college when he was only 13 and showed great promise. But he was also a gifted singer and going into college he had to choose which to major in. He chose music as it was more social, but art is still something he loves. And he still holds his pencil the wrong way!
My next son Zach has posed another dilemma: someone who seems physically incapable of "good" handwriting. At 21, his handwriting still looks like a child's and we've both worried about the impression he makes on handwritten applications. He paracticed using the same workbooks my other children used. Remember, Ive shared here about Zach's delayed reading and stuttering problem which didn't disappear until he was 10. Zach has a genius or near-genius IQ, so at this point I just assume that this fine motor limitation is part of the constellation of who Zach is.
Perhaps you weren't expecting me to wax so philosophical over this mechanical problem. But I think parenting is truly a journey of discovery - discovery of each of our children as well as of ourselves. As new parents, you expect certain things. As you mature - through having more children and being open to the direction of the Holy Spirit - you begin to have more respect for your children as individuals. You begin to see that it's not about shaping them to fit the perfect old, but more like opening a gift God has given you and marveling at what is inside. People who insist that all their children be involved in the same pursuits are really doing their kids a disservice. Yes, you can give them a taste of it, but if they aren't interested, then find out what they are truly interested in themselves. God didn't make us from cookie cutters.
What Ben's teacher and principal did to him was unconscionable, but it is a lesson to all of us to truly seek God's wisdom when our children are falling short or disappointing us in some area.
Does that mean that I don't think you can do things to improve a 10-year-old's writing ability? Not at all. I'm just setting the stage for the spirit in which you approach it - which is not as a mountain to die on. What really matters in life is the content of your children's character when they become men and women. Sure, we want to give them all the tools and skills they will need to present themselves in the best possible way. But don't take it personally if the results are less than you wish :)
At 10 a child is capable of hearing the logical benefits of good handwriting - and many are able to make long-term goals. Just as some children will embrace music lessons wholeheartedly (rather than going through the motions), some young individuals might be persuaded to try to improve their writing through daily practice, using workbooks or printable online worksheets.
Activities which might help tune fine motor skills might include building with Legos (although Zach spent a lot of time doing this), crocheting, knitting, woodworking - any activity which might build more mastery over their hands and fingers.
I hope this helps - and maybe there are other readers who will have more food for thought. I think it always helps to spread a wide net for advice and then see what resonates with where you are and what you've learned as a parent.
Posted in Homeschooling, Montessori, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
"I do hold my pen differently than most people, having it rest on my ring finger rather than my middle finger."
Barbara, I thought I was the only one in the world like this! I didn't notice that I wrote this way and that it was different until I was in college studying elementary education in a reading class. All my class mates thought I was weird!
My mother is left-handed. My son and possibly daughter are left-handed as well! I do most things left-handed as my mom taught me to sweep, iron, vacuum, etc. the left-handed way. I even change my children's diapers left-handed. I didn't realize how much stuff I did do left-handed until I married my right-handed husband. I do write with my right-hand though and HATE my handwriting!
My son who is 4 1/2 does most things left-handed. I struggle to get him to "hold" the crayon or pencil correctly. What can I do to help him?
Posted by: Katie | February 18, 2009 10:25 AM
I would just add to this that I had horrible handwriting for years because it just took a long time for my fine motor skills to catch up. What really helped me was a unit on calligraphy in 5th or 6th grade. Something about the beauty of the letters, the variety of alphabets, and the idea of creating art with written words really appealed to me. Because of that, I was finally able to pay enough attention to my handwriting to improve it dramatically. So you might look into something like that for an older kid struggling with handwriting.
Newt
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | February 18, 2009 10:32 AM
Another trick I just remembered, for those with little kids getting them to hold a pencil correctly -- if you give them pieces of crayon or chalk that are only one inch long, they'll automatically hold it the right way, because almost nothing else works! Do that for a while and then transition to longer writing implements, and the skill will likely carry over. (Got this trick from Handwriting Without Tears, the curriculum I'm using with my 6yo and 4yo.)
Newt
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | February 18, 2009 12:23 PM
Barbara,
I too am a homeschooling mom with children from 26 to 9. My second child (girl) had an unusual way of holding her pencil but I realized, despite my efforts, that was probably just the way she needed to hold it. She has a little more flare in her penmanship--and her personality :)but overall nice handwriting.
Fast forward 14 years and along came another little girl that holds it the same way. I wondered long ago if genetics don't also play a part in motor skills like pencil holding. Just wondering?
Posted by: Debbie | February 18, 2009 1:35 PM
I think your insight here is so great! It can be so hard to let go of the way we think we need to teach our children to do something verses the way they can best learn how. (like when I was trying to teach my daughter how to tie her shoes. tried showing her how to do it the way I was taught to no avail. switched to the two loop method and she had it in about 10 min.)
On a practical handwriting note, we just started using Handwriting without Tears (the first book that is done with all color crayons) and I LOVE it. I have no experience with anything else, but I had no idea how to practically teach handwriting even though I had read about how to teach handwriting. This has given us a lot more structure to it, and a lot more fun. Who doesn't love color crayons?
Posted by: tiffany | February 18, 2009 7:08 PM
Amen to all of it. With my eldest having such a complex combination of special needs, I've had the speed track into this arena of wisdom.
For such reasons, I do advise parents, especially those homeschooling,
--to be very careful about getting too caught up in finding THE "right" or "best" philosophy, method, program, technique or curriculum for any subject. Take testimonials with a huge grain of salt. Those things are certainly worth serious consideration, as you want to have aim and a starting point, but as you delve in, it's ultimately about helping YOUR child to learn and grow in the perfectly unique way God created him.
-- to ask what your goals are in any specific teaching task, and to evaluate whether those goals are important, and, further, appropriate to who the child really is created to be (as far as we can discern). Good handwriting, especially, has a way of getting blown out of proportion in school. For example, on any given assignment, I would love to see directions followed perfectly, a neat, clean piece of paper without holes, neat handwriting, and good spelling, grammar, punctuation, and content. All of those-- ideally, anyway-- are very important, especially for good communication and presentation of yourself. With a gifted student, I can hold at least the expectation that all of those things be considered at once. With my eldest, those things will likely never occur all on the same assignment (and the neat paper and handwriting will likely never occur,ever!)Is my goal to teach spelling at this moment? Following directions? Communicating clearly? Or handwriting? Whatever it is, I have to focus only on that, blinding myself to the other considerations. It's who he is; it's how he needs to be taught. Ultimately I'd like to see any child be able to express himself well. But, when push comes to shove and things are just not happening no matter what is tried, I have to realize that pushing my child toward some generic "good" standard (when it just not be in him) is not worth sacrificing my child's self-respect and dignity, and even our relationship. I have to look at who he is. "Always do YOUR best" is a standard that can always be held. But perhaps God has not formed him to be a great communicator (or whatever), which makes it OK, no matter what "standards" someone else may rigidly hold.
Oops. Now I'm also waxing philosophical on a simple point!
Posted by: Marian | February 18, 2009 10:07 PM
Being lefthanded, my handwriting has never been all that great. It is just more awkward to always be writing "backwards"--where a right-handed person is pulling the pencil to make the stroke on the paper, the left-handed person has to push, while at the same time trying not to smudge too much with the writing hand.
I've found that I make much prettier letters when I take a pointillist approach and make dotted lines instead of solid lines. That's what I do whenever I'm at any kind of make-your-own-nametag event.
Posted by: Peggy | February 19, 2009 8:16 AM
Beautifully said. . . What an adventure life is. . . both discovering who God created us to be and nurturing our children as they discover who God created them to be.
(And how very often who -we- think we are/our kids are. . . is quite a bit different from who God knows we are!)
I love how Calvin starts the Institutes of the Christian Religion: "Nearly all the wisdom we possess—almost everything we know—can be summed up under the knowledge of God and the knowledge of ourselves."
Posted by: TulipGirl | February 19, 2009 11:44 PM
For nurmerous reasons this post was just what I needed to read today. Thanks :)
Posted by: Amie | February 20, 2009 1:01 AM
Thank you Barbara and the rest of your readers who replied. I appreciate your wisdom and years of experience. I do see that my expectation comes from who I am and my preferences both of which are reflected in how I homeschool. My daughter is very different from me and God is always using her "out-of-the-box" thinking to challenge me in teaching her and even more in teaching me about Him.
Blessings,
Christina
Posted by: Christina | February 20, 2009 5:26 PM
Very valuable information in your post - For preschoolers, play dough is another activity that can help their fine motor skills.
Posted by: Sandy Naidu | January 24, 2010 1:33 AM
