March 14, 2009 6:37 PM
Strong-willed child? Congratulations!
I'm so happy to see this point of view - which I share strongly (no pun intended!) - articulated so well. Thanks to Martha for sending it our way:
Hal's Take:
I often hear parents complain about how "strong-willed" their child is. I tell them congratulations. That is how you want your kids to be. Don't you want them to be strong enough to say no when the right time comes? To a peer offering drugs? To the classmate wanting to cheat? To the unwanted advances of a date?
We were wired to have strong wills. When kids exert their will, they aren't doing it to be malicious or spiteful. They are trying to find out who they are and what they can control. If you can look at their stubbornness this way instead of taking it as a personal affront, you can have the vision and the patience to guide them towards responsibility rather than grind them into submission.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.
Posted in Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Posted by: Marie | March 14, 2009 9:23 PM
What a great outlook!
Posted by: Debra | March 15, 2009 1:10 PM
Good for him! And good for you for posting this! I was a "stubborn" child, with strong opinions & willing to stick to my guns by age 6. It was hard on my mother, since I was "stubborn" about things that contradicted her gender expectations (I really hate to shop for clothes and shoes, for example).
I married a man who is also stubborn and values strong-willed women. Congrats to parents with strong-willed kids, but be sure to teach them to value the same thing in others!
Posted by: Celia | March 15, 2009 5:21 PM
Funny, I have been thinking the same thing lately. I have a strong willed first born who is turning out to be a GREAT kid... and I am less concerned about him giving in to peer pressure than my more docile 2nd born. Now I have a strong willed 3rd born, and am seeing how this can be beneficial in the future!
Posted by: LIsa | March 15, 2009 5:43 PM
I agree wholeheartedly. I was a strong-willed child and resented having my motives assumed, especially being told I was malicious or I was lying on purpose. I never was, I just wanted to know my opinion and desire mattered, too. My daughter is showing herself to be strong-willed and while I know how I wanted to feel as a child, I have no idea how to cultivate that in her. I'm at a total loss for how to direct her will into more positive and responsible channels while reducing her frustrations when she can't control everything or when she must obey me. She is very easily frustrated and I don't know how to make it easier on her. Any advice?
[Note from Barbara: read my book The Mommy Manual]
Posted by: annie | March 18, 2009 9:07 PM
