May 28, 2009 7:25 AM
4-in-a-row boys - how to handle bullying
First of all, I may be busy, but if it weren't for my readers' input and questions, MommyLife wouldn't be much of a blog at all. I love getting your mail - and am only sorry when there is a big delay in my being able to answer. I so appreciate all of you and your patience with me.
Hey Barbara-
I know you are busy, so I don't know if you have time to tackle this question:
When you were raising your 4-in-a-row boys, did you ever run into trouble with bullying? By 4 boys are 8 to infant, and I am having trouble with my 8 year old bullying the 3 year old. Sometimes the 6 year old gets in on it, too. A lot of it is subtle- 8 year old just has to have his hands in everything the 3 year old is doing. This causes 3 year old to scream, and come running to me.
I gave this question to Tripp first. Here is what he wrote:
Could be part of it is the 8 yr old feeling jealous and trying to attention and doesn't know how to verbalize it.I was really glad I thought to give this one to Tripp because his answer reminded me how
They are all at an impressionable age and would benefit from Dad to start reading some classics where the characters, especially the male characters are dealing with trials that develop their character....where choices must be made. This gives Dad an opportunity to speak into their lives and direct circumstances.
The immediate Bible story that comes to mind is of course Joseph and his older brothers. ...reading that story and asking brothers 1 & 2 if doing what they did was right. Shame and calling them to a higher standard of what an honorable and noble man would do does wonders. The Oddysey series from Focus on the Family has many episodes dealing with various character issues and really causes kids to use their own imagination because like being read too....it's audio not visual.
I think a lot of the time we moms think in terms of solving problems with our kids and we are thinking putting a stop to negative behavior problems.
But the way Tripp framed his answer reminded me that it's not just about eliminating negative behavior, it's really about a proactive approach to building character. I know the hardest thing sometimes is getting fathers involved. I've been very blessed to have a husband who has always taken the time to read with our children and to spend time with our sons coaching them on how to grow as godly men.
This has never stopped. In fact a few days before Ben's wedding, he gathered our 4-in-a-row sons (now 21-25) to share with Ben the things he would need to know as he entered marriage - not just about sex, but about how to be a godly husband and someday a father. Since Josh has now been married three years - and has been through some major trials with Hattie's health - they had his input too.
As mothers, we are often multitasking and trying to deal with things on the fly. But even if we take the time for spiritual instruction and prayer, it just doesn't have the impact that a father can have.
I have been encouraging Tripp to start a blog, write a book, or something to share what he has learned, but he is concentrating on taking the next step as his health is returning. In the meantime, I will ask him to guest blog, so if anyone has questions for him, please send them to him at papatrippster(at)gmail(dot)com.
I know it can be difficult to get husbands involved. Pray as hard as you can for your husbands. They have a hard job and many of them were not raised with fgood examples. But if we want the best for the next generation, we need them involved.
~~~~~
Art notes:
Snap the Whip by Winslow Homer
Influential 19th century painter, Winslow Homer (1836 - 1910), departed from Impressionistic artistic conventions to produce realistic images of American life. Excelling at illustration, oil painting and watercolors, he initially won acclaim for Civil War battlefront illustrations rendered for "Harper's Weekly," later painting idyllic farm and rural scenes. He is best known for his seascapes, often infused with energy and epic grandeur, and his direct interpretation of man's stoic relationship with the rugged wilderness. Homer had a revolutionary impact upon watercolor artwork, with a fresh, spontaneous, natural style and beautifully depicted veils of atmosphere that remain unparalleled.Winslow Homer is a great artist for boys! Look for a book of his work at the library.
Love,
Posted in Boys, Family, Fathers | Permalink
Comments
Ooooohhh....I would love for Tripp to start a blog!
:D
Your blog is great but having a father's perspective would be awesome too!
Posted by: Debra | May 28, 2009 10:28 AM
The story of Joseph is such a great suggestion. What other books do you suggest, Tripp?
This is great, Barbara.Thank you for posting!
Posted by: Lisa | May 28, 2009 10:53 AM
The Ralph Moody/Little Britches series is a great one for boys too.
Posted by: Martha Mason | June 1, 2009 6:48 AM
