May 31, 2009 2:38 PM
Zach on his motorcycle experience - and beyond
I woke up this morning to find that Zach (like his mom, an ENTJ) had wasted no time in beginning to sort through his experience. He wanted me to share this:I had to get a motorcycle for two compelling reasons. First, I was planning on getting a job this summer, and I needed a vehicle to commute with. Since I hate spending money and don't have enough for a hybrid, that meant I needed the excellent gas mileage of a motorcycle. Second, more importantly, I was terrified of it. I am going into the Marines and flight school. If I was unwilling to confront my fear of a motorcycle, how could I feel assured that I could fly a jet fighter?I think as a mom, the most challenging thing I've had to learn was to let go and let my kids make their own decisions and deal with the consequences. As a homeschooling mother, so many things were under my control and I have to admit it was not an easy transition when my kids became teens to turn the reins over to them. What kept me motivated - I have to admit - was watching other families who could not let go. I've always found it especially painful to observe mothers who overprotect their boys. How can they grow up to be men, to be brave, and to take responsibility if a woman is protecting them and bossing them around all the time?
I try not to be foolish, so I took precautions. I took a basic motorcycle safety and instruction course through MSF. Next, I very carefully researched and found a bike that was excellent for beginners. And I obtained a complete safety outfit: helmet, boots, gloves, jacket, and pants. I wanted to be protected as much as possible if I hit the ground. I went out and purchased my bike two days ago and drove it home with Dad driving behind me. Driving off the lot was one of the scariest experiences of my life, but it was something I had to do. I got home and my legs were sore from gripping the bike. I showed off my bike to my family and tried not to worry about driving it the next day.The next morning, I geared up to drive off. I knew the risks due to my relative inexperience, and I was terrified. This was my first day of sustained driving; therefore it would probably be the most dangerous. However, I also know a man must confront his fears; I had to drive sometime and I had the basic skills to drive safely and build on my knowledge. Saturday morning would be an excellent time to hone my skills and get comfortable behind the handlebars; there would be fewer drivers on the road.
I spent the morning becoming acquainted with my new bike. I drove around the area, stopping at friends' houses to show it off and to give myself time to rest and unwind from the travel. I was careful, and ensured that I always had room for error and an alternate strategy.
Gradually, I began to relax and enjoy the ride. So I decided to continue my practice through the afternoon, maintaining my caution. I had a blast driving first to my sister's house and then to my brother's [Samantha and Josh - who live "over the mountain" in Berryville]. As I turned out of my brother's driveway, I turned to wave; I didn't compensate for the shift in balance, and drove a little off the road. I thought, "Well that was embarrassing, right in front of my brother too, but if that's the worst thing that happens today I suppose I should be content."
I was almost home from a long, fruitful day of practice, I began to relax. I thought of how proud my parents would be of me for being so careful. I could not wait to ask my Dad for advice and questions about gear-shifting. I was only a few miles from home when I let down my guard for the first time that day and made my mistake.
Accidents are seldom due to a single factor; it is nearly always a combination of factors. In this instance, there were several pertinent factors: a sharp turn, oncoming traffic, etc. Most importantly, I was not planning ahead adequately. On a motorcycle, a turn must be properly anticipated.
Halfway into the turn I saw the mistake I had made. I had completely misjudged the curve, and was going to head into the opposite lane with oncoming traffic. I had few options; I put my bike on the ground.
Unfortunately, I failed to clear my feet. My right foot got caught under the bike, and when my body rapidly decelerated due to friction with the ground, the bike grabbed my foot and snapped my ankle. Fortunately, my instincts had been correct, and I stopped the bike before entering the other lane.
Fortunately, thanks to my gear, my ankle was my only injury. I waved to the people around me for assistance; they got me and my bike off the road and called for an ambulance. I called Mom, who was there in just a few minutes. The ambulance came; I went to the hospital, and they splinted it.
I have berated myself constantly since the incident, even in my dreams I found myself criticizing my poor judgment. I let down my guard for one moment, and now my life is derailed for several weeks or so. I am however thankful that my injury was as minor as it is. It could have been much worse, and I am thankful that my ankle is the only injury I need to worry about, I don't even have a scratch anywhere else on my body
I learned many lessons from my foolishness, and I will be much more careful when I can get back on my bike. Please, do no fault motorcycles for my accident. My motorcycle did exactly what it was supposed to do; it was my foolishness which caused my spill. If I had done everything right and still ended up on the ground, I probably would be hesitant to get back on the bike. As it is, I am eager to get well so I can start practicing again and applying the lessons I learned yesterday.
And for the moms reading this, please don't interpret this as reason to forbid your children from motorcycles. Rather, use this as a lesson to always concentrate and be aware, you never know when one moment of poor judgment will result in painful, long-term consequences.
It's hard to see your children suffer the consequences of their decisions, too. But in looking back at our own lives, we can see that were it not for mistakes and painful moments, we would never have learned or grown. As much as we wish we could make our children's lives completely comfortable, do you think that would be part of God's design?
I think the best tack is to teach your children how to learn from their mistakes, to teach them to analyze and to listen for the Holy Spirit in guiding them through the aftermath of a painful experience.
Though I can't say I feel confident Zach will never make a mistake again, I do feel confident that he knows how to learn from the mistakes he is bound to make - thus avoiding many more.
Who can foresee when you are busy changing diapers and keeping up with laundry that this is where parenthood is headed? I hope these glimpses help!
Posted in Boys, Family, My life | Permalink
Comments
Thanks for sharing this, Barbara! You've got a great young man there! And please, let him know that I'm planning to share this with my kids -- they've gotten into a big, "But Mom, I was just....!" phase lately, and this is a great example of planning, foresight, managed risk, consequences, and taking responsibility. I love it!
Posted by: Newt Sherwin | May 31, 2009 3:01 PM
I REALLY like hearing from Zach on this.
WOW! Well thought out and planned and such responsibility. His quick thinking may have saved other lives and lessen other possibile injuries for himself. I am also impressed that Zach was compelled to conquer his fear.
Barbara, you and Tripp have done a lot of things right to have such a great guy!
I hope the healing is speedy and can see that this has already been a valuable experience.
Posted by: von | May 31, 2009 4:09 PM
I'm praying for your son's speedy recovery and please, tell him "thank you" for allowing you to share this with us, moms. My oldest, who is my only son, graduated from high school and turned 18 in the same week. Tomorrow, he starts a job that is over the river from us (quite a drive) working at a plant for the summer. While it will be a great experience for him (one of those make a man out of him jobs) as well as a money maker, I'm having to let go of him and keep my concerns to myself. Because, as you said, I want him to grow up to be a real man. I've been so proud of myself, letting he and my husband work out the details and just trying to show him I'm confident in him and his skills. I too, have seen families where the boys are not allowed to grow up and the effects are devastating to that boy and the family's life. These posts about Zach are so timely for me. I'm grateful for both of you sharing and feel confirmation and confidence in these new roles that my son and I are taking on. Thank you!
Posted by: Lela | May 31, 2009 5:16 PM
Hi, Zach ! It was great to hear from you. My husband got a Kawasaki KLR 650 about 3 years ago. He said after looking at the picture of you on your bike that it looked like it was too small for you. If you're looking to buy another bike the KLR is a lot taller and lighter. And he said the Marines use them. Check them out. Glad you're planning to continue to ride and keep practicing ! Praying for a speedy recovery.
Posted by: dee | May 31, 2009 5:17 PM
I'm glad Zach chose to write about his accident. What a mature young man your son is!
Your comments on raising sons were spot on! We homeschooling moms of boys need to remember that they are men in the making and know when to step aside and let them grow.
Posted by: Cheryl (Copper's Wife) | May 31, 2009 7:38 PM
And to think I was just laying awake Friday night praying for Zach's safety on his motorcycle!! I am so thankful his angels were surrounding him. Good job making the best of the situation, Zach. Whew.
Posted by: Greta | May 31, 2009 9:31 PM
What a fine son you have there! Speaking as a mom, I was hoping he'd want to give up on the bike in the end as I've heard many bad stories about the results of motorcycle accidents. My hubby had an accident on his motorbike when he was 15. I think that was the last of his motorbike, so said ma and pa! lol You're a brave mama. And Zach is such a responsible young man. You should be mighty proud him, and I'm sure you are! He'll make a fine Marine one day, Lord willing.
Posted by: Kim | May 31, 2009 9:51 PM
Hey Zack! I think are a natural writer.
And thanks for sharing your experience. I do hope you stop berating yourself soon and just concentrate on recovering and learning. I always like to think of stuff like this as one way God uses to protect us from other things. We don't know what those things are, we just need to trust that it was the way is supposed to be.
Also, I congratulate you for making a very informed and calculated decision regarding your bike. I can see you took all the precautions needed. It's nice to hear you say you wanted to face your fears. I wish I could do the same. Roller Coasters terrify me, and my husband wishes that I love them as much as he does. I always think that the little cart is going to fly off the rails on the fist curve, at the highest peak, and that I will fly half way across town and then crash into the pavement.
I know is far fetched. But hey, growing up in a small, rural Mexican town, where the scariest thing I every rode was a merry-go-round.....well, let me just say it doesn't make for a happy visit to six flags.
I might some day face my fear.
Or not.
Posted by: LadyLovas | May 31, 2009 10:11 PM
Zach, I was reading your story as I sat at the table watching my not quite 2 year old son sit and eat cereal with his hands in his high chair. It didn't make me blame motorcycles for your accident. Instead it caused me to suck in my breath and consider the process of my mothering to produce a quick thinking, brave, and thoughtful young man like you. I want my son to approach life facing his fears and trusting God for his welfare as a result of his decisions, just like you.
That's why I read this blog. I want to take the best lessons your mom learned with you and incorporate them into my mothering with my little ones. I want them to grow up to be the best adults possible. Thanks for sharing your story here and all the other parts that your mom blogs about each day. It's helpful to know that kids can turn out very well if you keep at it each day.
Oh, and I guarantee that my husband will get another motorcycle as soon as we pay off the loans and fix the fence. I think that might be about the time my little one in the high chair is ready to learn to drive.
Posted by: Imajackson | June 1, 2009 10:40 AM
Von and Imajackson said everything I wanted to say, so I will leave my comment brief...
Zach- Thank you for writing about your experience so that other moms like myself (Only 1 boy at the moment, and he's 2 lol) can have a better grasp of exactly what we are aiming for in raising baby boys to grown men. Your decisions were precise, calculated, educated, and rooted in prayer. You are exactly what make up the armed forces of this country, and the Marines will benefit to have you.
Barbara and Tripp- what a testimony to God's amazing grace in leading you in the raising of your children. Not just Zach, but all of them! From your splintered background and now to this fruit, all Glory be to God who is Faithful and loving! Your blog continuously gives me encouragement and strength that there's hope for me (and my family) too! Thank you, to each and every Curtis, for ministering in such a special, intimate, and profound way.
Kristy in Germany
Posted by: Kristy in Germany | June 2, 2009 4:07 AM
