June 30, 2009 9:38 AM
Movies - choosing wisely and raising kids who will too
When it comes to movies, Tripp and I are very protective of our children - though sometimes I feel like we are the only ones trying to shield our kids from the coarseness that pervades movies today - particularly in the PG-13 department. After 30some years of hearing, "But all my friends are seeing it. . . " sometimes I grow weary.
Still, with twelve ranging in age from 8-39, I have a different perspective. I've really raised two generations. And I know that while most parents think PG-13 means a movie is okay, the envelope has been pushed for so many years that PG-13 in many cases might as well mean Pure Garbage-13.
Today our job as parents is complicated by the fact that just guarding against graphic sex isn't enough - that we really need to analyze content of movies BEFORE our kids see them to determine if the themes and humor are something that we want to become part of their own personal baggage.
Look at it this way: if we want our children to be pure, we need to focus not only on the body, but on the mind and spirit. Do we really want their perspective corrupted by the coarseness of SNL or Jack Black? Or will we stand against the culture and do the job God has called us to do - to raise children whose minds aren't so corrupted by "entertainment" that there is little room for God, leaving Him just a little compartment, making Him irrelevant to the choices they make.
This came up for me last weekend when Maddy wanted to see The Proposal with friends. That's right - The Proposal with Sandra Bullock. PG-13. Miss All-America. What could be objectionable about that? And, as Maddy reminded me when I said Let's Check It Out First, she's 16 and next year she'll even be able to see R-rated movies.
First let me make clear that I do not let the MPAA do my thinking for me. Not only would I not want my kids to see most PG-13 movies, but there are some R-rated movies Tripp and I regard as family treasures - like The Mission, Glory
So yes, this parenting thing - if you want to do it well - requires a little extra. Because Maddy is right - next year she will be 17. And even today at 16 I don't want to forcefully impose my will on hers - which would make her vulnerable to rebellion. I want instead for her to understand HOW and WHY I have made decisions about movies before - and HOW and WHY she might want to begin making them herself today.
What I am saying is something that is a hard transition for many loving and righteous Christian parents to make: at some point BEFORE your children leave home, you must begin to pass the responsibility for decision making in this area - and in many others - on to them. While you must be there to guide them, you must begin to treat them like fledgling adults, responsible for their own decisions and their own relationship with God. You must allow them to make mistakes.
It's more nuanced approach than "While you're under our roof, you will do things our way - when you move out you can do what you want." When it comes to some issues - drugs, alcohol, destructive relationships - you can call your child to choose. But issues like what movies to see are an area where we are not doing our teens any favors by making arbitrary decisions. They need to see how our decision-making process works in order to respect it. And another angle you may not have thought of: you are building future parents who need to be equipped to raise their own children. Let them see the behind-the-scenes of your parenting.
When Maddy wanted to see The Proposal, I remembered reading a review at PluggedInOnline - a source I respect. This is hard for me, I will admit. Even after all these years of saying no, or suggesting that we take a closer look at the move everyone is seeing, it is hard for me to rain on the parade of Maddy's enthusiasm about going out to a movie with friends. She is a bright, bubbly, and highly social individual - and she loves to have fun with friends. But she is also different. Right now she and I are studying Theology of Body Teens
I asked Maddy to read the review, which concluded:
In interview after interview, director Anne Fletcher has said that she wanted to inject The Proposal with the same kind of charm found in the classic comedies from the '30s and '40s. And there are a few brief moments in this Devil Wears Prada/Northern Exposure mash-up that have that kind of flavor, evoking memories of Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant's crisp banter. A sentimental conclusion singing the praises of family and commitment further echoes those old classics' feel-good vibe.But let's not get too carried away. The rest of the movie, which is to say the other 95% or so, climbs into a convertible Packard and leaves family-friendly funny in the dust with its thumb out.
In this misguided attempt to update the time-tested screwball comedy formula, Fletcher and her team have taken their contrived but potentially charming premise and tarted it up with layers of "contemporary" comedy rouge. That means bare bodies. A bizarre Mother Earth ritual. A wince-inducing bachelorette party striptease.
The latter scene was so embarrassingly repugnant that it was one of the few times in my PG-13 movie-going experience I've found myself hoping someone would leap up and yell, "Fire!" or maybe, "I've gone blind!" just for an excuse to clear the theater. I feared my retinas might be permanently scarred.
Since Maddy adores old movies, I'm sure the comparison to Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn movies resonated with her - she might have thought, why see the cheap (and corrupt) imitation, when you can rummage through our old VHS collection or turn on TCM (her favorite channel) and see the real thing?
Or it may have been the thought of being subjected to watching a male stripper grind his groin in her face. All I can say is, thank you Unplugged for being so hip and relevant and real. Because Maddy decided it just wasn't her thing this time.
Parents - you need to begin now to prepare your children for this kind of decision-making experience. One of the ways that is important is to fill them with good entertainment. Turn off the TV - or at least block the major networks with their propaganda news, vile sex-saturated crime shows and corrupt comedy. If you have a TV, use it very wisely - to fill your child with good material. Watch with them when you can.
You may not be familiar with old black and white movies - I will produce a list later this week. Watch these with your children. If you have cable or satellite, you will find them at the TCM channel. If you have a DVR, record them.
Check your local library. Or if you have a large family you may want to begin to build your own - as we did - when you come across cheap copies. Join Netflix, where there apparently is nothing you will not find.
The thing is that Hollywood keeps grinding out this stuff which is often entertaining, but usually is embedded with insulting or obnoxious material. But we have a choice. There is a rich and extensive history of entertainment that we can introduce our children to - giving them a standard by which to judge current entertainment.
believe that children can have a lot more discernment than we give them credit for - that they can see the intrinsic beauty in It's a Wonderful Life or Captains Courageous or Bringing Up Baby (my goodness - I just found a list of over 200 movies Tripp put together some time ago - will get to work on it). If we feed them on a diet of rich, artistic food - food that doesn't rely on shock and schlock to "entertain" but respects and trusts its audience's intelligence - then when they are presented with the crap (sorry, can't think of a better word) that's offered today, even in the glitziest, most seductive package - they will be better equipped to say no.
This is a really major undertaking for parents. But it is one which will pay off. While your children will probably make some bad choices (haven't you?) they will remain teachable (by the Holy Spirit) and will not persist in them. In other words, they will behave like responsible adults.
Also, if you are not familiar with the rich history of film, you will be embarking on a new adventure with your children. These will become part of your family heritage - part of the fond memories and inside jokes you share. Our grown children have often thanked us for making their childhood rich in culture - not the current culture, but the enduring classics. And what I didn't see at the time was how providing a rich diet would keep them from wallowing in the dirt today.
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This post sparked by a Washington Times article Tripp put on my desk: On PG-13. parents are in the land of the lost
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Related posts:
Parents - thinking about movies
Movies - It's all about choice
Also check out Family-Friendly Films under Barbara's Picks in the left sidebar.
Posted in Entertainment, Mothering, Movies, Teens and Tweens | Permalink
Comments
Wow, I am so there with multiple teens in my household.
I particularly was interested in a statement you made, "And even today at 16 I don't want to forcefully impose my will on hers - which would make her vulnerable to rebellion." What would you do if she decided to choose differently then you hoped?
I am stuggling with what things I should demand my 17 year old do and when I should accept his decisions.
Posted by: Joy | June 30, 2009 10:26 AM
Barbara- thank you! I couldn't agree more. We have learned to always check plugged in now before purchasing or going to see any movie!
Posted by: Wendy | June 30, 2009 11:01 AM
Barbara, I'm so glad you wrote about this!
Movie ratings, at least the way they are currently awarded to films, mean nothing and don't tell you a thing about the appropriateness of any given film.
In my opinion, there are movies of all ratings that have very important lessons and themes for all ages, just as there are movies of all ratings that are morally bankrupt and shouldn't be viewed by anyone.
Posted by: Anna | June 30, 2009 11:02 AM
Barbara, I am so excited about the way you and Tripp parent! This sounds so like how my parents tried to parent me and how my husband and I want to parent our ever-growing brood! Thank you for teaching Maddy to use wisdom!!! Although this post was mostly about movies, it gives me great hope for the tomorrow of the USA! May more and more parents teach their children how to apply God-given wisdom to all of life! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Sara | June 30, 2009 11:02 AM
Thank you for this timely piece on making wise decisions regarding what we watch.
Last week, on the tail end of a camping trip to the Creation Museum in Kentucky and the Air Force Museum in Ohio, my husband and I took our shrinking family (nine kids total, five still living at home) to see the movie "Transformers 2." My husband who normally (99% of the time) will check reviews before going to see a movie, just assumed it would be similar to the first one. I don't think the first ten minutes passed and I was asking him, "Did you check this online?" He sheepishly said, "No." We were embarrassed to be sitting there with the kids (ages range from 6-19) watching a scantily-clad college co-ed trying to seduce the main character and more than once told the younger kids to cover their eyes. It didn't help that the main character's mom was portrayed as emotionally unstable because her son was going off to college.
We apologized to the kids and told them we had failed to do our job as parents and that we would be sure to do our "due diligence" in the future.
Your post is a reminder just how important it is to teach our children how to guard their hearts and minds in this world.
Posted by: Pat | June 30, 2009 12:26 PM
This was very interesting and enlightening, thank you Barbara... We have all but turned the TV off in our home. I started to watch GMA yesterday morning, and within 2 minutes there was a horrible commercial. A minute or 2 later, my husband offered to turn it off. We are seriously considering leaving our main TV hooked up, but not even available for local channels. Thanks to the digital switch over, we may just " roll away" our "working" tv and bring it out to watch important things... while leaving our other TV for dvd's only...
Posted by: Lisa | June 30, 2009 5:57 PM
Barbara, I am very interested in that list of good movies. Some months ago we canceled our cable subscription -- our TV now doesn't even get the local channels. Instead we get and watch movies and whole seasons of good TV shows. (We just got the kids a bunch of old shows I used to watch on Nick at Nite -- The Addams Family, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Get Smart, The Brady Bunch, and the campy 60s Batman series. I've been looking for the old Superman with George Reeves.)
Posted by: Michelle Potter | July 1, 2009 12:12 AM
Awesome post Barbara! I couldn't agree with you more. I'm praying that we are laying that foundation now, so when they are older they will make those wise choices, as Maddy did here. What a proud parent moment. :)
Posted by: Carey | July 1, 2009 11:51 AM
I agree that movies today are filled with "junk" that add nothing to the movie. That is one thing that I love about ClearPlay. I am not sure if you have heard of it or not, but I LOVE it!!! It filters out language, sex, drugs, gore, etc. and has I believe 4 different settings in each category. If the movie is rated PG-13(for language and sexual/nudity) and there is no filter for it, we wait for the filter. You can also request filters for movies if they are not on the list. I am waiting for The Proposal to come out on DVD and then use my ClearPlay!!! The website is www.clearplay.com
[ From Barbara: If you are interested in finding out more about ClearPlay, please use the link in my right sidebar]
Posted by: Alicia | July 1, 2009 2:47 PM
