June 24, 2009 6:50 AM
To Wanna in Waterford: idle gossip, small minds
One thing that comes with living a public life is that people make judgments - sometimes based on insufficient facts. And while I'd like to sit down face-to-face with my accusers, they usually hide behind "anon" and phony email addresses.
From my Inbox this morning - from "Wanna" in Waterford:
You can afford to travel to Boston on a long shot...but are not able to pay for another child to attend camp.Shame!
I'm assuming that the person is referring to my asking for a scholarship for another child to attend camp. Since this is supposed to be confidential, I'm also assuming someone wasn't trustworthy and that it has become local gossip - so I guess I should be grateful to have a place to address it publicly.
Here is my reply:
Dear Wanna:Maddy paid for the Boston trip herself with money she had earned and saved (btw, gas to and from Boston in our small car cost less than $100). Time will tell where the longshot ends.
Also, Maddy lives a very sacrificial life - giving up a lot because she lives at home alone with four brothers with Down syndrome when her siblings are in college. Much more is required of her than of other girls her age. She did not choose her life, but she loves it and gives it 100%. She is by far the sweetest girl anyone might want to know.
If I choose to devote some time - and let her use her money - to realize her dreams, then that is certainly not a shameful call.
Be assured that people are offering to help finance this venture. If you had called and asked me I would have told you all this myself and relieved you of your bitterness and spite..
Shame on you for judging!
But thanks for giving me the opportunity to put any gossip to rest.
Barbara
Comments
Oh Barbara, I am so sorry someone decided it was their 'right' to question you, and about something so personal! Your transparency is refreshing. I hope you have a wonderful day, knowing you have done the right things for the family God has entrusted to your sweet care.
Posted by: Jill S | June 24, 2009 7:55 AM
Oh goodness! I can't believe someone sent that to you. OUCH! I hope she reads your post!
Posted by: B | June 24, 2009 7:58 AM
Wanna in Waterford: Shame on you for using a phony email address. That is real cowardice. Next time, ask for information first so you don't get egg on your face like you did this time.
Barbara had already told us that Maddy was paying for this out of her own earned money. (shaking my head over some people's cowardice and stupidity).
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | June 24, 2009 8:59 AM
The nerve of some people!!!!
Posted by: LadyLovas | June 24, 2009 9:36 AM
Oiy... I don't like it when people meddle into another family's business without knowing all the facts.
Good for Maddy for being such a wonderful girl! She's obviously been raised by a wonderful mother!
Posted by: Dirtdartwife | June 24, 2009 9:41 AM
My goodness! I can't believe someone would have the audacity to send you an email like that. If they were "concerned" (as all gossipers claim to be) they would contact you in a professional manner to discuss the issue with you.
Sending a snarky, anonymous letter doesn't fit the bill.
Posted by: Lauren | June 24, 2009 9:51 AM
Sometimes I tend to make judgment calls, but I really do have to remind myself, that #1, it's none of my business, #2, I don't know all the details, and #3 Who cares what I think? I think that some of us are wired that way, but it's STILL sin to be judgemental, and something that must be fought off w/a vengeance.
Interestingly, though, I never even thought about your trip to Boston w/regard to paying for it, etc. What I did think, though, was that Maddy would make the cut. Now, mind you, I don't watch the show (though my kids do), and I don't know Maddy, but have listened to the clips that you've put up, and thought she would definitely make it. She has the talent, her personality also seems uninhibited and outgoing (the pix of her dancing at the wedding were my clues to that assessment), has a nice smile, and dimples to boot, so, yeah, she was going to make the cut, Simon Cowell nothwithstanding!
Hey, maybe I'm becoming less judgmental! Thank the Lord for growing in grace.
Posted by: Cathy | June 24, 2009 10:45 AM
This woman/man obviously needs some prayers! And DUH...Wanna, we all new Maddy was paying for the trip herself. Knock, knock, hello to Wanna....got any brains in there??? Yes, SHAME on you Wanna!
Posted by: Carolyn | June 24, 2009 10:57 AM
Barbara...
I am so sorry that you had to receive that email - yet I know that the Lord will use your response for good.
One of the blessings of a large family is that children often earn & use their own resources to accomplish goals. I am sure that others have often questioned how my family could afford this or that - when 99% of the time one or more of the children have paid for it. It is amazing to watch them learn responsibility, compassion, generosity as well as a good work ethic. (things that are often lacking in some young people today)
My prayer is that "Wanna" will use this opportunity to apologize to you and learn & grow through this experience. (as well as anyone else that is out there talking about you...instead of talking to you!)
May God give you extra grace & mercy today! Blessings!
Posted by: Beth Lambdin | June 24, 2009 11:38 AM
Why someone would nit-pick over a camp scholarship when this family has obviously sacrificed much, financially and otherwise, to give these children a loving home is indeed very small. I understand that organizations need to be good stewards of their resources, which is why someone should have asked if there was a serious question.
Posted by: Michele | June 24, 2009 1:09 PM
Yikes. You are more calm than I'd be. I'm such an elbow, usually reacting immediately when I get "hit" and I'm afraid I don't always respond with grace. I'm glad you share these email exchanges because you serve as a good example of how to handle attacks from petty shrews.
We are taking a trip to California for a family wedding this summer. We will be driving our new-to-us but used van, staying in very inexpensive motels, and our meals will be sandwiches out of a cooler for most of the trip. I'm contemplating asking for a scholarship for our oldest son to attend our church's week-long camp later in the summer.
I'd hate to think of tongues wagging about how we vacationed in California in our new car but had the audacity to ask for financial assistance for church camp. Obviously, I shouldn't put it past anyone.
Posted by: gretchen from lifenut | June 24, 2009 3:07 PM
Unfortunately, when you put yourself out into the world like on this website, especially as a good Christian woman, there are people who are going to try to bring you down. My guess is that there is something missing in Wanna's life that is causing a big chip on her shoulder, and that she needs our prayers for her to allow God's grace to heal her. I wish Maddy (and you too!) all the best in this endeavor of hers!
Posted by: melissa | June 24, 2009 6:45 PM
Barbara, that was a very gracious response you gave to "Wanna." Candidly, I was pretty ticked when I read "Wanna's" remarks. Anyway, Wanna really needs to deal with her bitter, hateful attitude.
Blessings,
Diane
Posted by: Diane | June 24, 2009 10:26 PM
Ugh. When will we all realize that, no matter what we think we know, chances are good that we have no idea what things are like in another person's shoes? We're such eager and arrogant judges. (My family's been burned in a major way by such stuff this year...)
Posted by: Marian | June 24, 2009 11:02 PM
