July 21, 2009 7:09 AM
Children in church: teaching good behavior
I am receiving requests from churches - of all denominations - to reprint my article on Teaching Children Self-Control.
If you would like permission to reprint this column in your church bulletin - for free - please email me for byline and copyright information.
Teaching Children Self-ControlOne of the greatest gifts you can give your child is self-control - a foundation built day by day as you teach your child to make decisions about his own behavior.
Remember that a child may be well-behaved for all the wrong reasons - fear of punishment or withdrawal of affection. This often results in a tendency to "act up" in awkward moments. In the long run, children raised to be outer-controlled rather than self-controlled may be more vulnerable later to peer pressure and rebellion.
The potential for self-control is best released during the toddler years, when the child is eager to do things for himself. We can capitalize on his natural inclination to master his environment by helping him master himself.
A young child has little to be steward over - except his own body. Challenge yours by offering opportunities to gain control:
"Let's see if we can close the door without a sound.""Let's see if we can walk on this straight line."
"Let's see if we can hear this pin drop."
This provides a context for reminding a child not to fidget or lost his temper: "You are boss of your body. You can decide to sit still."
Another effective way to help your child develop self-control is to let him know in advance the kind of behavior you expect - at a party, in the grocery store, library, or church.
When kids know what is expected, all it takes is a glance at someone who is out of order - not meant to instill fear, just one that reminds a child where he is and what he's supposed to do.
One word of caution: Construct your expectations realistically. Remember your child is an individual and he is changing all the time. Set your expectations just high enough to call forth the best from your child, but never too high for him to reach. Otherwise you end up with a discouraged child.
Since children respond well to word-pictures, as mine got older I used Proverbs 25:28:
Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.In ancient times, cities built walls to protect themselves. Any breach made them vulnerable to invasion and defeat.
In the end, training which encourages self-government rather than dependence on outer control produces the kind of child people want to be around. A child with all the selfs our culture tries hard to foster too late and too superficially: self-awareness, self- reliance, self-confidence, and self-esteem.
When a child knows he can make the right decisions and is in control of his actions, all of these will follow naturally.
Posted in Church Issues, Mothering, Preschoolers, Spiritual education, Toddlers | Permalink
