October 14, 2009 10:10 AM
Financial disaster and the great hereafter
It has been a year since Tripp's knee replacement deteriorated from a month off work to 5 more operations and 10 months completely disabled. The strain on our family would have been enormous had it not been for the generosity and compassion of so many wonderful churches and people - some we knew and some we did not.
The experience has changed us profoundly. When I look at pictures of us last summer, I see that both of us have aged a lot physically - which is not a pleasant fact for me to face :)
But what is most important are the lessons we learned. First of all, I thank God that I have a husband who used his time in a hospital bed - at home and in the hospital - to read spiritual books, to pray and to grow in wisdom. I never saw Tripp opt for escapist books, TV or movies. He was intent on finding God in this experience. I love him and admire him for that.
We were poor when we got married, we built a successful business together, bought nice houses and lived well. Although we never drove fancy cars or went on expensive vacations or out to fancy restaurants, I can see now the ways in which I wasn't a good steward - never looking at prices in grocery stores or controlling my impulse to buy new sheets and towels before the old ones were worn out. Seeing things I liked and buying them without much thought. Even with a lot of money coming in, with 12 kids that is no way to live.
I am sorry it took such hardship for my husband for God to reach me with the message that I needed a major overhaul. For the past year we have been renting a house - after 20 years of home ownership - but it is okay.
It is more than okay, actually. I love our life, and am very grateful that God has provided us with such a perfect, comfortable place to live - for however long that may turn out to be.
Tripp is driving school buses as needed for Loudoun County. The financial rewards are nothing like what we used to enjoy. But I am looking at this in so many ways as the best time of our lives. He is home for dinner every night and home all weekend long. He is so relaxed and able to do the things he loves to do, taking care of the landscaping and cutting firewood for the winter. While he looks older, he looks wiser and kinder and comfortable.
How sorry I am for the years we spent chasing prosperity! What a pointless activity - and how it distracted from the important things of life! How could something I thought essential - like owning a home - have caused such bondage and stress?
I'm making myself vulnerable here as there are probably many readers who have spent their lives living frugally and having their priorities already in order. You may think very unkindly of someone like me. But no matter what, I must be honest for the sake of those foolish-headed people who lived like I did, or who are going through their own personal financial reckonings and wondering what comes next.
What comes next is freedom. Having less and living more. And more happiness than we could have ever imagined.
I have never felt so loved by and trusting of God. This is a wonderful place to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Great movie to see if you are struggling with letting things go: Brother Sun, Sister Moon
Also, an article I wrote called Spiritual Survival in the Land of Plenty in 2006, which shows how God was changing my heart in preparation for what was to come.
~~~~~~~~~
Thanks to my husband, who endured so much to make it possible for God to bring us to the next stage of our lives. You are a true mensch, and I love you, Tripp!
Posted in Family, My life | Permalink
Comments
Thank you so much for writing this Barbara. It's difficult to put yourself out there when you're feeling vulnerable but it's so important.
Posted by: Alison | October 14, 2009 11:41 AM
Thanks so much for this Barbara. It was very encouraging for me and I'm hoping it will be encouraging for my hubby. He is struggling right now with making less money (I am out of work and taking care of his mom who has Alzheimers) and so worried about losing his job.
Posted by: Kiki Bacaro | October 14, 2009 12:10 PM
He does look more relaxed and wiser. So do you momma. I guess that happens when one is changing inside, it just shows in the outside; when the burdens we carry are gone it shows.
I'm very happy for you all.
Wish we lived closer so I could enjoy your company often.
Posted by: LadyLovas | October 14, 2009 12:39 PM
Barbara, thank you for your candor and update. I am happy to hear Trip has a job. I think you have learned a great deal and I am grateful to have you tell us about it each day. It's not easy to reflect on our past foolishness.
Posted by: Imajackson | October 14, 2009 1:00 PM
I almost never comment on web sites, but this post is an excellent illustration of why I was talking about you to my friends. We are considering putting together a mom's retreat in California and my friend said we should have a speaker. There is really only one woman I want to hear from in that setting, and that is you. Your fearless witness is awesome, in the truest meaning of the word. It is awe inspiring. I can only just barely call myself a catholic, but you teach me, with all my errors and failings to keep reaching for the Lord, and really this life is just one long teachable moment.
Katherine
Posted by: Katherine | October 14, 2009 1:20 PM
Thank You Barbara and Tripp.
You and your family are a light in a world where so many are stumbling around in the darkness of prosperity. Some people are so blind to these truths that they don't even see the light when it beckons to lead them out. We just heard the Gospel of the rich young man, and how Our Lord wanted so much to show him how to order his life, but he just couldn't let go. You have found true happiness and you found it in the heart of your family. Praise God, Tripp is better, and you have a long life of love ahead of you. What else is there that matters?!!!
God Bless you all, we are learning so much from your journey.
Posted by: Jennifer | October 14, 2009 1:21 PM
Barbara! This is so beautiful, honest, and loving. And it serves me as a great reminder about the true value of "things"--they are only good if they turn us toward the One who provides them! Thank you for being you--and Tripp for being Tripp. The Curtis' are a good bunch.
Posted by: Franchelle | October 14, 2009 2:29 PM
Thanks so much for mentioning renting and home ownership. We've been married for 12 years and have never owned a home, perpetual renters. A large part of this is due to the fact my husband travels for work - 6 months to a year in one place, then move on to the next. Owning a home is nice, but living together as a family is nicer.
But most people don't understand.
Posted by: Milehimama | October 14, 2009 4:05 PM
Dear Barbara,
Thank you so much for this post, this looking back and this sharing.
Unlike a lot of your readers, I am relatively new. In fact, I believe I began reading you daily the day you were scheduled to come and speak to our mom's group, which also happened to be the day Tripp went back to the hospital the first time - but you still came and spoke to us. I was impressed by your talk, but blown away by your blog and the way you were handling your hardships with such grace at the time.
Since then, I have been through a lot, but nothing like you and your family. I thank you for your witness, for sharing with us and helping me realize that life is not always easy, but always so worth it, for educating me about what I need to know about even if I don't get the chance to look a the news all day. You have helped me on my journey more than you will ever know.
One year later, I live in a much different place, maybe a place I don't yet like as much as the last place, but I have a husband and 4 gifts from God all under the same roof, so that is saying something and worth the sacrifice. I have a new place to turn for inspiration - you. I like to think God turned me on to the Blogisphere last year knowing I would need the support and encouragement when I moved away from all of my dear friends and beloved parish. At least my internet friends are still close at hand.
You told us that day to never take our Catholic Faith for granted. I don't, and often remember that quote. It helps me through the tough days, as does your blog. Thank you for that. I am so glad to hear your update - I know it wasn't all happy feel good news, but underneath it I sensed a clarity and peaceful happiness. I hope that is true.
God Bless you Barbara and Tripp (and family!)
Posted by: Danielle Murdock | October 14, 2009 6:55 PM
Thank you for sharing, Barbara! My husband lost his job three weeks before our third daughter was born, and in this economy, that's a scary prospect.
But our reliance is on our Lord and Saviour, not on the economy or anything else, and we trust that this test of faith will not be wasted.
Thanks to people like you who remind us of what is really important!
Posted by: Rachel | October 14, 2009 6:59 PM
I love the comment about Tripp looking wiser and comfortable. I can completely understand that as I look at my husband. He is aging like fine wine. :-)
Re:Milehimama, we rent too. I firmly believe in being responsible home owners. I don't think it is right to get a home that you can't afford and then expect someone else dig you out of that. And I don't mean that as a slam to Mrs. Curtis. Hers was a unique situation and I can understand why they claimed bankruptcy. I have issue with people who get homes that they know they can't afford while the rest of us understand that sometimes the American dream means renting until you can afford a home of your own.
Posted by: Mrs. Damian Garcia | October 14, 2009 7:10 PM
Thanks so much for posting this Barbara! I really needed these words today. I was so discouraged, feeling like as soon as we see a light at the end of the financial tunnel it goes out again. Your words reminded me to focus on what God is teaching us through this difficult time.
I appreciate your honesty and encouragement.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Posted by: Jeanette | October 14, 2009 7:18 PM
Barbara, I just had to laugh when I opened your blog page today and the first thing that I saw was this picture of a smiling Tripp! Just last night I was wondering how he was doing and made a mental note to send an e-mail asking if we might get an update.
Thanks for sharing!
And, as always, thanks for being so transparent!! You inspire me.....
Posted by: von | October 14, 2009 9:31 PM
Dearest Barbara,
I follow your blog everyday in my quest for info. We are renters too. It has it perks, I always tell my husband we are trying this neighborhood on for size. If we don't like it, we can try on a new dress. We moved to Northern Virginia last summer. Still own a home in Michigan, no offers, that's a shocker, but we continue to laugh, love and live without (no bailout for us and we don't want one). We don't care where we live or what things we have, as long as we have true love, our beautiful healthy children, and the guidance from the heavens above to see us through all the ciaos, we will be at peace. We will continue to downsize, economize and have faith all will be well in the end.
Posted by: Melissa | October 14, 2009 11:11 PM
Thanks for this post. Love the pic of Tripp.
Posted by: A Mac and a Mug O' Joe | October 15, 2009 8:49 AM
This is great info to share Barbara. Like you, we spent the first 10 years of our married live enjoying great financial prosperity. Not that we were wealthy but we had more than we needed. Then I lost my contract job, we were forced to sell our home to move into a less expensive one (truth be told, we never could comfortably afford the one we were in!), went down to one car, etc. It's been a difficult year from a financial stand point. However, we've seen God use this year to work out sin issues in our hearts, realizing that we bought so many things we didn't need (coveting) and were poor stewards of our money, e.g. we should have used more of it to help those around us instead of making home improvements, etc. The beginning of the year was so emotionally difficult and yet I now see more clearly how faithful God has been, even though we now live paycheck to paycheck, and how much more relaxed I am, not trying to work and homeschool, and raise a family, and how much more time my hubby and I spend together. It's all been so worth it and I'm thankful that the Lord has taken away those things we foolishly held so dear. May God be praised for His goodness to His children!
Posted by: Kim | October 15, 2009 10:09 AM
(((hugs))) Barbara, you are a blessing. And you both look happy and relaxed.
Posted by: Jenny | October 15, 2009 11:30 PM
