November 25, 2009 12:46 PM
Thanksgiving - our traditions
I never liked Thanksgiving growing up. I grew up in a home where Bloody Marys for the adults began a day of nonstop drinking, arguing, and possibly a fight tumbling out the front door and onto the lawn. It was a day I didn't look forward to.
A lot of the reason I write today is to share with people who grew up as I did - people without good parenting or strong family roots or meaningful holiday traditions - to share how Tripp and I yearned early on in our parenting to create a family with purpose and meaning. Becoming Christians in 1987, and then beginning homeschooling in 1990, we found the missing pieces to our spiritual and cultural heritage.
Thanksgiving is now a day of great importance to us - a day in which we try not only to carry on the traditions, but to make time to talk about them in a new and fresh way with our children. I know there are families out there who grew up with rich and meaningful Thanksgiving traditions and are passing these on to their children. But for those who may wonder exactly how to go about building a Thanksgiving legacy for their family, I just want to share what our day will look like tomorrow.
Tripp and I start the day early before anyone else gets up - making the stuffing - I do a mixture of cornbread, wheat bread, sausage, mushrooms, celery, onions - and preparing the turkey which has been brined overnight.
Now, since we have older, married kids whom we share with in-laws, we are on a tight schedule - especially with our sons giving precedence to their wives' families. Mothers of little boys, you must be ready to let go eventually :) For us tomorrow, this means we can't get to Mass as much as I would like to. Ben and Anna arrived last night but are leaving at 10:30 Thanksgiving morning to be with her family. This means the rest of the family will be arriving here much earlier than usual so we can all be together for our annual Thanksgiving picture.
And because Hattie and Josh have to leave at 2:45, we will be having dinner much earlier than usual - 1:30.
At some point, we will move the table from the kitchen in to lengthen the dining room table, set the table for 20, decorate, and begin cooking.
In the meantime, Tripp will be enlisting different family members to read certain Bible verses for a family Thanksgiving service he plans each year. We will gather in the living room and sing Thanksgiving hymns interspersed with scripture and the story of the Pilgrims. We will pray together.
Then our annual picture of us all at the table, followed by the mad last-minute scramble to do the last-minute things like mashing potatoes, making gravy from the drippings, sauteing mushrooms, heating rolls, slicing turkey and serving up the vegetables.
We'll start with grace - we usually sing Let All Things Their Creator Bless (last verse of All Creatures of Our God and King) - and then begin our meal. Like some of you with large families with lots of little kids, this is not a picture-book, pass-the-gravy type of event, but one where the adults first hover around the table serving the children who are too small to pass heavy bowls and platters, then finally serve themselves and plop down to enjoy a somewhat lukewarm meal.
But the most important part of the meal is not the food anyway - although that's pretty amazing with Sam's retro beans and Hattie's amazing cornbread pudding. The most important thing is the Five Kernels of Corn tradition which we've been doing for at least 15 years. Each person has five kernels of dried corn beside their plate to symbolize the year that followed the First Thanksgiving. Throughout the meal, we pass a special cup around and each person gives thanks for something while dropping in a kernel of corn. There is laughter and tears as we remember all that God has done and the people in our lives that mean so much to us.
When we started this, there were no grandchildren and our youngest children were too small to participate. What has been rewarding is to see the children grow and look forward to sharing their own individual thanksgivings.
I do hope some of you will consider adding this tradition to your Thanksgiving celebration/remembrance. It is a way to pass on to your children the specificity of gratitude and to show them what it really means and looks like to give thanks in all circumstances. This is something I hope my children will pass on to their own - long after Tripp and I are gone.
This year our family has so much to be grateful for. At this time last year Tripp was in a hospital bed in our bedroom (when not at the hospital) after his knee replacement surgery devolved into a battle with MRSA which almost cost him a leg. So many people helped us through this difficult time - which lasted through May and which we are just beginning to see resolved. On the other side of this setback, I know that Tripp and I are all the richer for having become more closely knit into the Body of Christ, and more dependent on God.
How can I repay the Lord
for all his goodness to me?
O Lord, truly I am your servant. . .
you have freed me from my chains.
Psalm 116: 12, 16
Posted in Family, My life, Thanksgiving | Permalink
Comments
Barbara (and anyone else with ideas): How do you make the most of the meaning of Thanksgiving when you have ONLY little kids? I have tried getting library books about the first Thanksgiving, but they all mention the huge loss of life the Pilgrims faced. Of course, this is accurate, but I am not sure I (or my children) are ready to be discussing the fact that lots of mommies and daddies and children died. I think books and the accompanying pictures would really make the history come alive for them, more than just me telling them about it, but all the books seem too mature (my oldest is 4 1/2). Also, the oldest can read, so I can't edit out the objectionable parts. How do you handle this? Any suggestions for good, age-appropriate books for very little kids? Or am I being too sensitive about the subject of death? Thanks for any advice!
Posted by: Marisa | November 25, 2009 3:41 PM
Wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving...Love your blog. C
Posted by: Carol | November 25, 2009 4:30 PM
I'm not from the US but I've always heard about the Thanksgiving tradition of your people. My only knowledge of it, however, is what is in the Charlie Brown thanksgiving movie :-) So, thanks, Barbara, for sharing your family's tradition and for providing the links. Happy Thanksgiving!
Marisa, how about telling them the story of Thanksgiving yourself in a fun little storytelling session, and then having them choose their favorite part of the story to draw? This way you can edit out those parts that you don't want to highlight yet. Hope this helps.
Posted by: Sunnyday | November 25, 2009 8:15 PM
Hi Marisa -
Just begin by making the story as simple as possible. Show them a globe. "In England, there were people who wanted to worship God in their own way, but the King said they had to do it his way. They left their warm homes and their friends and came all the way across the sea to America, where they had to start over and build new homes. They got here in the winter and it was cold. Many got sick and died. In the spring, the Indians taught them how to grow corn and to live in the new land. They were so grateful to God for helping them find a place where they could worship him in freedom that they invited the Indians to a feast. There was plenty of food and lots of games. The celebration lasted three days...."
Just put it into simple words, leaving out the years in Holland until they are older.
You and your husband can sing the special hymns you want thtem to grow up with, even if they can't.
You can talk about what you are grateful for. You can start the Five Kernels of Corn, helping those who need some ideas what they might be grateful for.
The important thing with children is to use simple, concrete language and visuals. Children are not abstract thinkers. As you tell a story, listen to it as though you were a child and make sure you speak in a simple, direct way they can understand. Children do not understand cliches and figures of speech like "It's raining cats and dogs."
What made me fall in love with Montessori was her ability to look at things from a child's perspective. As long as you do that, you will be able to communicate well with children. And it is okay to talk a little over their heads. When they hear the same things every Thanksgiving, smell the same smells, see the same sights - it will build a foundation for them that will be strong as they grow older and add the abstract concepts that make this an exceptional holiday.
Love to you and your family!
Posted by: barbara | November 25, 2009 8:45 PM
I didn't like Thanksgiving very much when I was a kid either. To be honest, I didn't really like my brother or two sisters very much either. But, as I got older I began to care about my siblings very much and love my family with all of my heart. I know appreciate the opportunity to spend time with my family on Thanksgiving and catch up.
Posted by: Lawrence @ CRB | November 27, 2009 12:01 PM
