December 22, 2009 10:40 AM
Healthy lifestyle - humor
From Martha:
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fatsand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.(And that's without even speaking it properly!)
Posted in Health, Humor | Permalink
Comments
that is a funny text. :)
Now seriously... my husband has been struggling with border line high blood sugar and high blood pressure. He has a good healthy diet, except for the once a week junk food and he is about 250-60 lbs (he is overweight for his height). He starts his day at 5am and is home by 3pm. He has a very stressful day and he takes his daily vitamins (fish oil, garlic, etc etc) plus herbal teas with cinnamon to control his blood sugar.
well, 2 weeks ago he decided that he was just going to have to make time for exercise. So he began walking on our thread mill for 20-25 minutes at a time 3-4 times a week. During that time, he will do interval running of a couple of minutes at a time.
For the past few days his blood sugar has been normal and so has his blood pressure!!! He has had more energy and his temperament is better too!!! He says his body NEEDS the exercise. THAT has been the only thing that has changed in the past few weeks. He hasn't lost any weight but he is feeling better. :)
I praise God that gave him the will and wisdom to start exercising again. As parents, we have a hard time making time for ourselves, but some stuff got to give and we just got to do it.
anyway, just wanted to share some victories in the Lord!!!
Have a Merry Christmas!! :)
Tereza
Posted by: tereza crump AKA MyTreasuredCreations | December 22, 2009 11:53 AM
Okay, now that made me laugh out loud. :-)
Posted by: April C. | December 22, 2009 1:29 PM
This was a very funny post. Thanks!
Posted by: anar | December 22, 2009 6:20 PM
