December 20, 2009 12:22 PM
Introvert children? Tips for parents
What a great resource - thanks to Jane for the tip!
Tips for Parents: Introverts Lind, S.Characteristics of Introverts
* Have two personas -- private and public
* Are private people who enjoy doing things by themselves and who reveal inner most thoughts to only a few
* May talk a lot to people whom they feel comfortable with, but are quieter with others
* Refuse to discuss the day's events until later, even days or weeks
* Are thorough thinkers
* Rarely interrupt and hate to be interrupted
* Learn by watching and mentally rehearsing
* Become grouchy if around people too long, especially after contact with many people
* Have a strong sense of personal space
* Seem to enjoy being sent to their rooms to sit alone
* May find it difficult to share what they are feeling
* Are humiliated easily - they do not want to appear foolishTips for Living with Introverts
* Celebrate diversity in your home - diversity of intellect, emotional make up, physical attributes, ethnicity, psychological makeup, whatever.
* Honor and acknowledge introverts' need for privacy. Be sure they have a place they can go that is all their own and where they will not be intruded upon. This need for privacy is exacerbated by long term exposure to others ( i.e. school or work).
* Honor their need to process the days events before sharing their feelings and understand that sharing may happen with only one person.
* Honor their need for personal space (around their body). It will be larger than for most other people.
* Respect their need for time to think, observe, or mentally rehearse before they try something new.
* Respect their discomfort with interruptions.
* Help them to develop an authentic external or social persona. Help them decide in advance what they will say to strangers in new situation and what personal interests or feelings they feel safe sharing with others.
* Help introverts understand that others may perceive of them as rude, stand-offish, arrogant, shy, or even unapproachable. They may need to explain their behaviors or needs. (i.e. I always room by myself at conferences because I need the alone time to reenergize.)
* Remember that introverts can be very sociable with other introverts, family members and close friends.
* Keep in mind that being an introvert may bring with it some internal conflicts.
o Between providing for themselves and providing for others
o Between the strong need to be compassionate and being unable to spontaneously reach out
o Between retaining privacy and seeming open
o Between meeting own needs and sustaining a relationship with and meeting needs of an extravert
* Help introverts to find ways to refuel - to find what works best for them (i.e. being out of doors and among nature, meditation, music/TV/movies, shower/bath, solitary exercise, video/computer games, reading, art, dance, being in own space with own things, etc.)
* Give detailed feedback privately and allow them time to respond.
Read more at the Davidson Institute for Talent Development
Posted in Mothering, Personality types | Permalink
Comments
Identifying it as a personality type is something very helpful. I don't recall having anyone identify it for me as a child... I went through some very " extroverted" seasons, but I really am an introvert at heart. I did well working retail, I can do fine at parties... but I know that feeling of coming home exhausted from being social. As a child, it can be a confusing feeling. Almost a feeling of guilt. I think it's good to let kids know they are OK...Interesting article. Thanks Barbara
Posted by: Lisa | December 20, 2009 4:04 PM
Barbara, Thank you so much for posting this! My five yr old is very much an introvert and her 7yr old brother is an extrovert. So I don't always know what is the best way to handle her and what would be helpful or harmful with her. Thank you again!
Posted by: Linsey | December 21, 2009 6:34 AM
I always feel as though this is a satan thing as it keeps me from going forth and loving my fellow man and it seems to keep my focus on me.
But at 51 it have to admit to myself that it is exhausting being around large outgoing groups of folks or shopping and I am crabby for at least a few hours after and drained for a few days.
I had a nice lady explain to me how difficult it was for her to be around me as everyone feels like they need to prop up my side of the conversation. I had never realized how rude that seemed to others.
I have learned the idle chit chat thing the last 20 years but I end up with my feet in my mouth because there is no time to ponder my words before I speak them. Now I am trying to halt this bad habit of chit chat because it may be better to have people wonder if I am rude than to have them Know I am rude and an idiot. !!
Posted by: Karen | December 21, 2009 8:02 AM
Oh, my goodness...this is so helpful for me as an introverted adult! I know myself pretty well and I understand how introversion affects me for the most part, but this list is really insightful about some aspects of introversion I hadn't been able to articulate before. I've often felt crippled in relationships and communication because of the need to "mentally rehearse." It's so good to know that's NORMAL for introverts and I'm not a weirdo!
Posted by: Becky Miller | December 23, 2009 12:52 PM
