December 25, 2009 7:06 PM
The joy of large families
HT Jawan:Don't miss the joy
A large family is a gift that 'stuff' cannot replace | Matt Anderson
Illustration by Ali Douglass
Everyone knows we live on an overpopulated planet. Too many people (carbon footprints) harm our environment, causing global climate change, a threat to us all. In addition, increasing population means more poverty and starvation. Responsible adults must limit their family size.
What I just wrote is nonsense, of course, but is religion to environmentalists and accepted by many if not most Americans. In spite of such bleak pronouncements, abundant space remains in and on this world for more people. The sun controls our weather more than we thought. Carbon dioxide helps plants grow. Denmark and Japan, two densely populated countries, experience remarkable prosperity in spite of (because of?) their many citizens. Dishonesty, graft, greed, and corruption seem to contribute more to poverty and starvation in developing countries than anything else.
But what does a socially responsible young adult do about family? Should a couple have children? If so, how many? Is a large family a curse on the planet or a blessing? As Psalm 127 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"
I deal with this issue every day in my OB/GYN practice. It's my job to inquire about childbearing desires, an inquiry that always leads to a discussion of family size. The comments I hear are almost always the same: We have the perfect family, a boy and a girl; my husband won't let me; daycare is too expensive; we just moved into a new house and can't afford another child; one child is too much hassle, more would be worse; we want to travel and have fun; we should limit our family to not hurt the planet. Money. Time. Fun. Job. Daycare. Hassle. Husband. Environmental responsibility. Such are the reasons I hear for limiting family size.
Read it all at World.
Keep in mind there is no judgment intended - just support for those who choose to have big families and some new ideas for those whose minds aren't made up :)
Posted in Big families | Permalink
Comments
This is a good reminder in the middle of morning sickness/tiredness with my 5th child... that always lasts awhile longer than 12 weeks. :)
This is a great article, Barbara..I really appreciate you sharing it. We never planned on having a big family, but prayed about each one. :)
God has never let us down by stretching us a bit more with just one more little soul.
It is amazing how we've been led in this direction when it's something we never originally planned for. One thing I've noticed is that the first 2 are the hardest. I think it's the most difficult when there's no one else to pour the juice, or do some of the very small tasks. I think that it's in this stage that many couples head for permanent birth control. It's hard to see how quickly life will change in just a few short years. I would love to tell every couple in this situation just to wait a little while. :)
It sure is a blessing to see those kids get a little older and be eachother's best friends...and to have a little help with the housework, and lots of different personalities running around... I'm still in the midst of the years that can be tiring, but still seeing the blessings... and noticing how fast they grow!
God bless you and Merry Christmas
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | December 25, 2009 8:13 PM
Wonderful to hear from an OB who isn't pushing birth control or trying to scare women off of having "too many" pregnancies.
Posted by: Michelle Potter | December 25, 2009 9:36 PM
Barbara, I'm now the mother of seven children (two gone ahead, and five here), and I've never been more shocked than when a long-time friend told me about 6 yrs ago, that she and her husband were only going to have one child, because they wanted to give it "everything" (this was before they conceived their first--and so far, only, child). All I could think of was, "Everything but siblings". Having seen the struggles that my mother and others have dealt with thanks to being only children..the heartache of being "alone"--no one remembering the time mom and dad did this, or that, with them as a family...etc. The holiday memories, nope. The recipes, nope. The family stories simply aren't there to be argued/shared...
When she told me that, I was appalled. I already had two living children, and was newly pregnant with my third, and could not imagine a more short-sighted, and, frankly, selfish, outlook on childbearing and family size. ANd that was before I even became a Catholic.
As you know, having a larger family isn't easy, by any means. But it makes you grow outside yourself, and your pre-conceived limits, each time you are blessed.
We hope to be blessed with more children, God willing. But I cannot imagine the unalterable grief, of standing before the seat of Judgement, one day...and knowing what should have been. What would never be. Because I wanted to give my child furniture from the Pottery Barn...clothes from Baby Gap...jewelry, their own computer, their own car when they turned 16...paid for college tuition all the way through...
What will these people be missing? How heartbreaking it is, to know that they are shoving aside so much wonder...so much joy...in pursuit of...nothing. Nothing that lasts, anyway.
That being said, there are so many couples who have left themselves open to life, and love, for years and years..and may be blessed with one child, or two...or none. And while it is heartbreaking...at least, they are faithful. And the mistaken notion that they are preventing a child in some way, plays right into a martyrdom of sorts, for their hearts that would so greatly rejoice with the gift of a child..any child.
Thank you for sharing this, Barbara. I appreciate it. I wish I could convince people that things were less important than people...that clothes, and furniture, and even a college education, can be blown away in a moment of time. But the love...the love of a couple, exemplified to the world, in their children...that doesn't disappear. That...that is eternal. Something all too easily forgotten in the now-now-now immediate gratification society we live in. How sad. Live for the moment..and never see the future stretching out before you...
I'm sorry for the ramble. This issue is obviously one close to my heart, as I know it is to yours.
Please give those precious children of yours great big hugs from those of us out here in "Readerland, USA" :-). Thank you for sharing yourselves with us. And tell Tripp that we are still praying for him, and the rest of you, as well.
Posted by: Rachel | December 25, 2009 11:48 PM
Thank you so much for sharing that, Barbara! It is so true!
Posted by: angie | December 26, 2009 8:50 AM
I'm pregnant with my fourth and love the hustle and bustle of a full house. I don't worry much about not being able to buy new clothes and the latest toys. I do worry about not being able to provide enough parent time with each child. I do homeschool so I hope my nearly constant presence "counts" but I do worry about it anyhow. But thank you for giving encouragement - something I'm not receiving from most friends and family and from the general public!
Posted by: karyn | December 26, 2009 4:46 PM
we just returned from a 4 hour trip to Opryland Hotel where we spent the last 2 nights with our 3 children, the fourth one in the womb. It was a joyful and hard time. Yes, joyful for all the fun and laughter that having 3 children provides. Oh the wonder that children see in everything!! Hard. Because it is work to take care of that many children. But I wouldn't change it for a minute. Which one would I put back? Not one. On the contrary, I have another cooking in my womb-oven and can't wait to see her. :)
I agree wholeheartedly with Lisa, Michelle, Karyn and Rachel. Children are such a joy and I think most couples that decide on ONE or 2 children are really missing out in exchange for stuff.
The memories one makes with all those children are more precious than all the gold and stuff one could possess.
Just my $0.02. Now to bed. :)
Posted by: tereza crump AKA MyTreasuredCreations | December 27, 2009 2:47 AM
