March 8, 2010 6:17 AM
Is homeschool for everyone?
Diane commented on Why homeschool preschool?
I would agree that parents do make the best first teachers, however with 4 children between the ages of 7 m. and 4 years to meet those needs is more than one person can do. Feeding them, changing them and keeping them safe 24/7 is a full time job. Trying to add in the finer things in life like an appreciation for the world around them, learning letter and numbers, and how to conduct themselves in different environments can test the very sanity of a parent. Without the benefit of extended family preschools provide a very good alternative for parents. It allows them to provide a safe learning environment for their children while giving parents a bit of breathing space to regroup.
Thank you so much Diane for sharing your experience and ideas, because this reminds me that I need to clarify something. So I'm posting something I wrote when I was running the series last year:
I am posting this series - taken from my books - because of the overbearing cultural pressure for moms to put their children in preschool. I know many college educated women who've chosen to stay home with their children, only to face peer and family pressure to send their children off at an early age.There is also a trend in our ever-more-controlling government to provide - and eventually make mandatory - universal preschool. I think readers here are savvy enough to understand why this is an extremely dangerous path. The government's interest in gaining control of children at an early age comes from the fairly recent understanding - as heralded by Newsweek and Time in the 90s - that the most important foundation-building goes on before the age of 5. Maria Montessori wrote about this in the early 1900's but it took the American education establishment a long time to accept her ideas - and they have never credited her for them either.
Many of you know the kind of brainwashing that goes on in public schools. Though I sent my kids to public school in high school, we had brought them up with a moral worldview - not a blind dogma, but an understanding of all the forces at work in our culture that would enable them to withstand even the sharpest attacks on their beliefs. That my kids are who they are today is because we invested heavily in their intellect and their spirit. We could not have done that if they'd spent the most productive waking hours under the control of others whose worldview - or the worldview they were mandated to teach - was different than ours.
We did not homeschool because we were afraid of the public schools, but because we felt we could do a better job. Though they would try to make you feel inadequate and unworthy, the fact is that parents have been teaching their children throughout many cultures and times. And the public schools have no record to brag about - it seems the more money they spend, the more programs they come up with to fix things - the lower the test results fall. The greatest help to our country's education system would be to break the monopoly and open education to free market competition. Give parents vouchers and let them choose how to educate their children - at home or in a school of their choice. In a country that touts CHOICE - even down to the killing of unwanted babies - doesn't it seem absurd that we are denied this choice?
Why are we locked in this problem?
- Teachers' unions
- Politicians beholden to teachers' unions
- Parents - themselves products of public schools - who simply cannot think outside the box and who have been taught to worship public schools.
Those of you with young children, I urge you to pray and consider the future as you begin to make plans for your children's education. Every sacrifice you make to keep your children under your tutelage will be well repaid, believe me. Homeschooling is the ideal, it truly is. And it does not have to be looked at as a 12-15 year commitment. It's simply something you decide on year-by-year for each of your children.
Last week I mentioned a mother who sought my advice because her second grader was beginning to struggle at school. When I met with the homeschooling moms on Tuesday, there was another mom who came with tears in her eyes because her second grade son (Catholic School) was floundering. The teachers suggested ADHD and she had already taken him to a clinical psychologist. He was obviously headed on the path to medication.
Mothers!!!! Please, know that when your child does not conform to school model that doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with your child. It just means that the way we educate kids in this country is very cookie-cutter. Children are expected to behave and conform in a certain way. Any deviance from the expectation becomes an inconvenience and the reaction is to fix the problem with summer school, specialists and/or drugs. The option that is never recommended is to remove the child from school and to educate him or her at home to remove the pressure and give them a better chance to succeed.
Second grade seems to be where a lot of this struggle shows up, but it can happen anytime. Though my children have been in Loudoun County Public Schools since we moved here in 2002, my daughter Maddy asked me to homeschool her in 7th grade. It was quite a surprise as she is very social and outgoing. But one thing you learn as your children are growing up is that they also hear the still, small voice of God.
So Maddy stayed home a year. I must confess that I was too busy to do more than the minimum in terms of her education, and I was - frankly - very worried when she returned to school for 8th grade. She had always been a mediocre student - a brilliant singer, but just not that academically inclined and I am not a pushy parent when it comes to those choices. Yet, Maddy returned to school a gifted student. She takes AP courses and Latin now and math is no longer a struggle.
What happened? I have no idea. I thought it was a lost year, and yet it was so much what she needed to succeed. The fact is that they have drawn out an education that used to be complete in 8th grade to make it last through 12th. And our kids graduate from high school knowing so much less than kids who graduated in the 60s - which contributes to the dumbing down of out colleges and the vulnerability of so many students to the radical leftist worldview which will be their steady diet there.
Wow. I've gone from preschool to college and this wasn't even what I set out to write about.
What I wanted to do was to explain that when I push for the ideals I believe in at MomyLife - from relying on God for family planning to breastfeeding, from homeschool to adoption - some people feel judged or rejected or defensive because their choices have been different.
Please believe me that rigid thinking is not at all what I'm about. There will always be exceptions to anything I espouse in my writing. I am passionate about my convictions, but I am also well aware that God is the Final Authority for every believer as we journey through life making individual decisions. I have belonged to churches where people find nothing strange about telling you what God wants for your life. To me, that has always seemed ridiculous. I trust God, and just as I trust Him to let me know the way to live my life and raise my family, I trust Him to tell you too!
God has a plan for each of us - and that includes our children. When we become parents, we become responsible not only for following His direction for our lives, but for hearing the still, small voice concerning each of our kids - individually and not as a collective. Therefore, I would not presume to judge another mother's choices.
Was I always this way? I'm sad to say no, in my younger years I was very judgmental (the sin of pride) and whatever choices I made became the standard by which I judged others.
Many things have happened in my life to humble me and to teach me to trust more that God has plans which often take believers off the beaten path. For instance, when we moved from California to Virginia, we felt led to put our children in public school. It seemed ironic as we were actually moving to Purcellville, homeschool capitol of the world. I was blacklisted as a homeschool conference speaker - though I had 10 years of experience and a truly unique message about preschool. And can you imagine how embarrassing it was when Mike Farris was my daughter's softball coach? How in the world could I explain that God wanted us to make this change? In fact, how would I ever know for sure myself? Only time would tell. And today - for many reasons - I feel confident that we have been just where we were supposed to be.
We must always be willing to buck conventional wisdom - including that of the Christian variety - to allow God to lead us where HE wills.
I hope this helps my readers understand that while I may passionately make the case for homeschool preschool - or homeschool in general - I certainly understand that there will be many instances where God has plans that will take some in other directions.
For instance, one mother wrote:
Hi Barbara-I have been following your blog for about 2 years and have a 3 year old, 2 year old, and one on the way. My question for you is regarding preschool for my 3 year old. Next year he has an opportunity to be a 'peer student' in a preschool for students with disabilities. The students he would be with would have physical and mental disabilities. The school is 4 days a week, 2 hours a day and is much like a regular preschool except that there is regular speech therapy and lots of gym time.
I am curious about your thoughts. I know how you feel about preschool at home. I completely agree with you and never considered sending him to preschool until I came across this opportunity (which is free). I also know how you are an advocate for children with disabilities and am sure you see the value in a peer student program.
This mother also mentioned that she has a painful health issue requiring constant medication - which she gives up when pregnant and nursing, She continues:
I have to factor in the reality that I will be struggling with this at that time. What is better for a little boy? I am trying to think of what is best for everyone- but yet want to make the best decision for Joey. It is hard to reconcile the fact that the two may not go hand in hand.Can you please share your thoughts? Registration is approaching but please
answer if you are able. I know you are extremely busy.I am so glad this mom didn't just read my homeschool/preschool advocacy as the final word! Here's what I wrote:
Dear ---What a wonderful opportunity!
While I am an advocate of preschool at home, like most things of this nature, I strongly believe that we should never be so rigid as to prevent God from moving where and how He will. I would never presume to judge a parent for their decisions for this reason.
Who knows what future God has in store for your son or how he might be planning to use this opportunity later in his life. If God is nudging you to go with this, I would say by all means, go for it. Your son would be a wonderful role model as a peer student - what a blessing!
Please let me know how it all works out!
You know, dear mommies, my heart is so full when I think of all the struggles you face each day and the burdens you bear. I never would want to contribute to that burden or the guilt we all experience for never getting "everything" done. We need ideals and high expectations of ourselves, but as I tell every group I speak to: Let your ideals lift you up, not bring you down!
Please know that I am here to serve you by opening up new possibilities while encouraging you to put your hand in the Lord's while you make minor and major decisions each day. I respect the decisions you make and am here to help in any way I can. I am always thinking of and praying for you - thinking of myself more and more as Momma C.
Posted in Homeschooling, Public schools | Permalink
Comments
Barbara,
I would like to send a message to the mother who is considering allowing her child to be a buddy to a child with disabilities. Please thank her for her willingness to share her precious child with another child. My husband and I are parents of a little boy with autism. We would've given our eye-teeth for someone to share their typical child for a few hours a day to help him during preschool. I think preschool was the most difficult time for our family as we came to terms with his differences. Having a child that would be willing to buddy-up with our son would've been the biggest blessing. I'm sure the recipient family would feel likewise.
Blessings to you!!
Sara in Georgia
Posted by: Sara | March 8, 2010 8:06 AM
I hope parents will always have options, so they choose the best for the individual child and situation.
Posted by: Julana | March 8, 2010 9:24 AM
Thank you for posting this. I had considered homeschooling my oldest, but felt that public school was the best option. I am a former teacher and was concerned about putting my child in public school. For him at the time, it was the best decision. However, I am open to homeschool in the future if that is where we are led. Thank you for your honesty without the judgment.
Posted by: Melinda | March 8, 2010 9:24 AM
What I was thinking of when I read the first email is that this struggle is as much because everybody expects a rigid, formal school atmosphere for toddlers on up in the first place. :(
People started asking me where my kids went to "school" when they were 2-3 years old! School?
I am certain that there are exceptions, as you mentioned. But I do think that sometimes the "I would go insane" argument is a result of overextended social or personal expectations about what constitutes "real school". A 4 yo doesn't need hours and hours of intense bookwork with mom by his side. 15 minutes while the baby's napping, and the rest can be accomplished by conversation through the day, playing together, noticing signs as you go about your daily business together, and maybe a little PBS programming. :D
Posted by: Margaret | March 8, 2010 3:32 PM
Barbara,
Thank you for your kind post. I whole heartedly agree that parents do know their children best and how to meet their needs. The preschool my children attend is a Christian based school which has been such a blessing for my family. The women provide excellent care for my kids especially my son who has some developmental delays.
Currently I find myself facing a dilemma. My twins are set to start kindergarten in the fall. I am no fan of public school; however private schools in the area only offer full day kindergarten. For children with Sept. birthdays they will be among the youngest in their class and jumping from 3 half days to 5 full days would in my opinion be a great deal to ask of them (which also does not get into the cost of private school which is also a factor). I've given some thought to home schooling, but with two other little ones at home (one of which has developmental delays) I'm just not sure my patience level is up to the task. I also question my ability to provide for their social development with their peer group (having so many small children our outside social interaction is almost nonexistent). How do homeschooling moms manage these issues?
On a side note, I found Melinda's post a bit insulting. Not knowing another’s situation it seems a bit arrogant to suggest the cause of the "I would go insane" argument would be over extended social or personal expectations
.
Posted by: Diane | March 8, 2010 4:41 PM
Barbara,
You've picked a great time to run this series!
Diane, regarding the social thing with preschoolers: I really encourage you to do your research... The bottom line is that homeschoolers believe that socialization is done best with a variety of ages. You are not going to cripple your kindergarteners by keeping them home. The socialization lie is one that satan just loves.
Check out the articles at www.hslda.org and www.creation.com ( actually, they are all over the web) I would really encourage you to give kindergarten a try if you feel God leading you. It's really just an hour- 1 1/2 hours a day... Almost a time saver in some ways. It will also give you an idea if your children are ready for 1st grade, or need another year in kindergarten.
God bless you
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | March 8, 2010 6:37 PM
**On a side note, I found Melinda's post a bit insulting. Not knowing another’s situation it seems a bit arrogant to suggest the cause of the "I would go insane" argument would be over extended social or personal expectations**
Umm...I did say "sometimes". ;) I went back and looked, and sure enough, I did say that! :D And I said it because of the observtions I've had the opportunity to make of my own expectations and the expectations of others about what's "required" for a good education for a toddler/young child. I *would* go insane if I thought I had to meet all those requirements, or exactly replicate formal, institutional school for a 4 yo. My middle son would.not.ever. thrive in institutional school and I had to let go of my own expectations and ignore other's expectations about what constitutes education in order to give him the opportunity to enjoy learning and keep myself from pulling my hair out by the roots. He's thriving now, but no thanks to the people who thought I was holding him back by keeping him out of daycare and kindergarten. And I have not gone insane. :)
Posted by: Margaret | March 9, 2010 1:59 PM
