April 9, 2010 9:51 PM
Good touch, bad touch - protecting your children from sexual predators
Updated from an original entry 8/19/06:
A reader recently asked me about teaching young children about good touch/bad touch - our modern euphemistic approach to sexual abuse. The problem of sexual predators has only gotten worse since the proliferation of porn on the Internet. Sadly, the technology which has blessed us in so many ways by making medical information, peer support, and spiritual inspiration - not to mention recipes and make-up tips - readily available has also led to the normalization of deviant behavior.
What I mean is this: men who used to know that their actions were wrong and shameful can now not only easily access child pornography (and pornography definitely can lead to criminal activity - anyone who doesn't believe that should watch Fatal Addiction Ted Bundy's Final Interview with Dr. James Dobson
Whereas even a couple decades ago perverts had to seek out pornography in shameful dark and dirty places - sometimes in other towns - now the ugliest, scariest images are only a click away. And someone who looks and behaves very normally on the outside can be nurturing a very dangerous addiction which can be like a time bomb.
I don't want to be an alarmist, but parents need to work very hard to protect their children. The scattered cases that receive media coverage are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the real numbers of missing and exploited children - click on Missing Kids to see what I mean.
Parents need to realize that the natural tendency of kids who are molested is not to tell their parents. Think about it. In cases of accidental fires, instead of fleeing the house, children often hide in a closet if they think it's their fault. When parents get divorced, kids thing it's their fault. When you're a child your perception of the world is skewed. I know from my own experience of being molested at the age of eight that I felt dirty and disgusting but I thought there must be something wrong with me. I was in a foster home so I only saw my mother when she visited, but I would never have dreamed of telling her because I thought she would be mad at me.
Kids are like that.
In countries where citizens live under threat of sniper fire each day, I imagine parents teach their children how to be careful of bullets. In today's world, we need to equip our children to deal with the harsh reality of the dangers they face. But how to do it in a way that will not cripple them with fear or ruin their future perspective on sex?
I've found some excellent resources to pass on. Be sure to read the customer reviews - both posititve and negative - to get a good idea of whether they will mesh well with your children's ages and your own communication style:
If you can't afford the books you want, ask your library to order them.
Next: Stranger Safety, a DVD resource with rave reviews.
Remember, these resources are just discussion starters. The most important thing is that the communication be open so your child will have the language and confidence to talk to you about this sensitive topic. God has given you an important job - the most important in the world. It takes a lot of work to be a good mom. But you will be glad for that work someday, I promise!
See also:
National Sex Offenders Registry - know your neighborhood
Posted in Mothering, Safety | Permalink
Comments
Barbara, thanks for the book ideas! What are your thoughts on sending boys alone to public restrooms? At what age can this happen safely?
I'm thinking that 2 is better than one whenever possible... I would love to hear your thoughts on this..
Posted by: Lisa | April 10, 2010 9:33 PM
