May 5, 2010 11:32 AM
Lance Gearing - losing a sibling with special needs
April 24 continued. From Jonny and Jesse's confirmation, we went to the memorial service for Lance Gearing.
What was especially touching was the huge turnout of Special Olympics athletes who had known and played with Lance for years. Lance was an all-round athlete who participated in high school track and field and Special Olympics basketball, baseball, swimming, volleyball, bowling, equestrian and golf. And I might have missed a few.
Jonny had been on Lance's basketball team and since our coach - the incredibly dedicated Dan Dillon - had used Lance as a role model, our younger boys, who practiced at the same time in the next gym, knew who he was. They were also very responsive to the somber mood and the tears of those around them.
The service was held in a large evangelical church with dim lighting and two big screens in front with a slideshow of Lance through all the stages of his 39 years. That was heart wrenching. But even more heart wrenching to see his grieving younger sister and to understand from the pictures how close they were as there was just the two of them
Maddy had volunteered to sing You Raise Me Up and when she introduced herself to Kim, Kim hugged her, crying. When Maddy went up to the mic, she had to fight back the tears herself - and I realized that she identified with Kim and the pain of losing her special brother. On the way home, Maddy said to me, "I know this might sound bad Mom, but I hope I die before Jonny does."
You know, people looking from outside - or contemplating whether to terminate a pregnancy because of a prenatal diagnosis - tend to think that a sibling with a disability will be a liability, a drag on the family, something that that takes away from their other children.
If they only knew that it is not that way at all.
Among the moving tributes from Coach Dillon, a high school mentor, a Special Olympics teammate/friend, and Mr. Gearing, I was so touched by Lance's sister Kim, whose capacity to love had clearly been lifted to a level many of us cannot comprehend - and who knew that who she was she owed to Lance.
With her parents holding each other slightly in back and to her left, In the midst of her tears and sadness she turned away from the podium to honor them with thee words:
"Thank you, Mom and Dad, for having Lance."
You know, we live in a culture where when things don't go our way, we feel entitled to do whatever it takes to change them.
But an unborn baby is not like a steak we can send back because it wasn't cooked to our taste. An unborn baby is a gift which we will spend a lifetime unwrapping to see what God has put inside. What the world defines as a disability is really something God may will use to bring about good.
Remember when cynics presented a blind man to Jesus and asked who had sinned, the man or his parents, that the man had been born blind? Jesus answered that neither had sinned, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life" (John 9:1-3). Usually we understand this passage to mean that the work of God would be displayed when Jesus enabled the blind man to see. But maybe it means just what it says: The work of God would be displayed "in his life."That blind man was once a baby and a growing boy. For years his needs had had an impact on his family, his friends, his teachers, his community. Surely the work of God was being revealed each day in the growing compassion and wisdom of those who might otherwise have remained stuck in their own self-centeredness.*
I too, thank Don and Joy Gearing for having Lance so the world could share.
~~~~~~~~
* Excerpt from My Little Extra, originally published in World magazine 10/11/97.
Posted in Death and dying, Disabilities, Family, Loudoun County | Permalink
Comments
Barbara,
This is just beautiful. I often wonder about how my son Stephen (4) will grow up and feel about his older brother Kevin (8) who has autism. I pray it's as beautiful as these two sets of siblings.
Blessings!!
Sara
Posted by: Sara | May 6, 2010 8:18 AM
What a blessing to see the world from a different perspective.
I am saddened by the loss this family & the community have experienced.
Thank you to Lance's parents and all the others who make the choice to give their child life, experience life with their child and then share their child's life with others.
Posted by: j dan | May 6, 2010 10:23 PM
