July 19, 2010 10:38 PM
Big brother going into monastery - helping a child cope
Hello Barbara,I decided to write this when I read in Mommy, Teach Me to Read! about your extensive children's book library! My oldest is going away to a cloistered monastery in a few weeks, and I am wondering about resources to help my just-3-yo cope with the disappearance of his brother and companion?
I have found The Monk Who Grew Prayer to help him understand what 'monk' is but am wondering if books about moving away/death/grief might also be in order. If you have any recommendations I'd love to hear them. Thanks!
Thanks also for your blog & books - you are the reason we are seriously considering home education for our two youngest.
Blessings,
--
Leigh
Leigh, I think that the tone you set is important. Not sure that grief and death are the way to think of this situation.
Children take their cue from us. I know when we told our kids about their brother having Down syndrome, though this was a situation that another family might have seen as tragic (even though they would eventually make peace with it) we were upbeat and positive.
So too you can talk about your older son becoming a monk with great joy - even while acknowledging that you will miss him.
I am hoping my readers will have some good ideas for books, but I'm also thinking in terms of meaningful projects. Definitely a memory book/box with pictures and things that will remind your little guy of memories with his big brother. Maybe your older son can leave a special memento for him to cling to when he wants to remember.
Let him know when he will be able to see his brother again. And put it on a calendar or something.
I feel like I do when speaking to a mom whose son is going into the service: thank you for raising a son to serve, May God bless and keep your family through this earthly separation.
Have any readers out there been through something like this or have any advice
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Comments
There is a book called The Holy Twins (about St Benedict and St Scholastica) that shows two siblings who were close, separated when young for study, and then each went off to a monastery. There is a touching scene at the end when they get to visit with each other. You could use this book to show that these two saints were close even though far apart, visits were very special, and they both became saints.
You might also hunt down some saint movies that show religious life in a positive light, but easy enough for a child to understand. I'm not thinking cartoons here because you want your 3yo to associate the saint with his big brother. My 3yo son loves the movie Therese, but I'm sure there are others too.
Also, if your son is allowed to write letters, ask if he'd write a letter (or note) just to his little brother once in a while -- separate from a family letter. Your 3yo may not completely appreciate it now, but in due time he will treasure those letters.
If your son will receive a new religious name, teach your 3yo all about
Posted by: Amanda | July 20, 2010 10:27 AM
(sorry -- I guess I clicked Submit on accident)
I was going to say that if your older son will receive a new religious name, it would be good to teach your 3yo all about that saint and foster a family devotion to that saint to give big brother/little brother a spiritual connection that way. There are lots of great picture books about the saints, so perhaps his new name-saint will have some good picture books you can read to your little one.
Hope all that rambling helps!
Posted by: Amanda | July 20, 2010 10:30 AM
I don't know about books dealing with people going off to a monastery, but it might be good to have something to help the little one know what a monastery is etc. I have a friend by the name of Jenny Schroedel who wrote a children's book by the name of "The Blackbird's Nest" about St. Kevin of Ireland.
Posted by: Katja | July 20, 2010 5:25 PM
When I entered religious life (friars) there was a 4y/o and a 2 y/o at home. Depending how far away the monastery is, family visits to the monastery would be good. Which Monastery is he entering? If they allow the brothers to take photos, then photos of big brother living the monastic life, with lots of smiles, could be a good way to help keep the relationship. Thanks to digital technology, photography is now affordable even for those living a life of poverty! Also, if it's a Benedictine monastery, then reading the rule of St. Benedict would be a good supplement to the lives of the saints.
Posted by: Fr. John | July 22, 2010 1:13 PM
