August 18, 2010 7:24 AM
Sending them off to college - or wherever
Matt and Daniel and I took Sophia back to school yesterday - her junior year at Liberty University. It was a fun trip. I have to say that among the rewards of all those years of raising toddlers is having so many interesting and engaging adults to spend time with. I especially love that my kids are always singing.
In addition to Sophia's aging Jeep Cherokee we had to take our Ford Club Wagon emptied of a couple benches and loaded with her furniture (my, but those Club Wagons are the handiest vehicles - we used to have a 15-passenger, but are now down to a 12-). This is her second year off-campus, but she found a nicer place and new roomates this year.
Her sweetheart Josh met us to help move her stuff in. It started raining the minute we arrived, so we were pretty soaked. So hard to say goodbye - as I described in my column last year:
What's So Good about Goodbye?
August 21, 2009What they never told me in my Megamommy Guide was that on the other side of diapers and fingerpaints and peanut butter and jelly was an endless season of goodbyes.
Okay, I'm talking to you older parents here - parents who've married off kids or sent them to college or boot camp. And I'm wondering if it ever gets any better. I mean, there's the first good-bye and then there are all the ones that come after. There's dropping your daughter off at college freshman year, but there's saying goodbye again after her summer at home. Is one any easier than the other?
And I'm talking to you parents of many kids - now grown-ups or almost grown-ups spinning off in all different directions. Do you ever feel like Dorothy in the Land of Oz: My! People come and go so suddenly here!
You'd think it would come easier after all these years of 12 kids coming and going, but I cried when Sophia left last Sunday. And when I wondered aloud why life seems so full of hellos and goodbyes. Maddy sagely reminded me of that great spiritual classic Go, Dog, Go! - you know, the one with the guy dog who keeps running into the fancy poodle:
"Hello."
"Hello again."
"Do you like my hat?"
"No, I do not like that hat."
"Good-bye."
"Good-bye again."
I found that comforting in a strangely metaphysical way. But maybe it's because I've spent way too many years reading books to children.
On the other hand, there's The Runaway Bunny, where the baby bunny tells his mommy of his plans to hide as a fish in a stream, a crocus in a garden or a rock on a mountain. His mother assures him that if that happens, she will become a fisherman, a gardener, or a rock climber to find him.
My take on The Runaway Bunny? That it would give the child a sense of safety and security - that mother loves her little bunny enough to follow him anywhere.
But as one of my kids explained to me later, there's a more creepy side to the tale: that the mother will not let go.
Yet another aspect of the juggling act known as Motherhood. Loving well, but letting go. Should we choke back those tears at parting? Well, maybe for this child who feels smothered, but not for that one who's constantly looking for signs of being under-appreciated.
I've been a mother now for 40 years and I still don't have all the answers. All I can say is that while motherhood may not be rocket science, it's still enough to keep you awake at night pondering the variables and praying for answers.
As summer draws to a close, like many moms I'm gearing up for the next set of hellos - new schools, teachers, bus drivers, friends - and five-day-a-week goodbyes as the kids go back to school.
In a way, saying goodbye for seven hours may seem like great practice for saying goodbye for seven weeks.
But in the math of motherhood, the answers will never be easy. And neither will goodbyes.
Posted in Family, Mothering | Permalink
Comments
Hi Barbara, Very cool post. I remember the first day I was off to college, my parents basically broke down. I have an 18 month old daughter and my eyes getting teary and my lips are quivering thinking about her going away. The time is flying by and I’m making sure me and my wife enjoy every moment with her. Because one day we know we will have to say goodbye. And I know I will not be able to handle saying goodbye to my princess.
Posted by: Oneil Wilson | August 18, 2010 9:06 AM
This post totally hits home for me this day. Our third child was home for a week and left this morning for South Dakota where he worked all summer and will go to college in two weeks. While I am so proud of him for finding a job and supporting himself and saving money for school, all the things we want for our kids, it is so hard to say good-bye once again. I have 10 children and your post says it all regarding hellos and good-byes.
Posted by: Julie | August 18, 2010 10:29 AM
Barbara, I would LOVE to know what is so great about goodbyes :-). I just bid my sweet, sweet mother farewell...until I see her again in heaven. In just under 3 weeks my oldest daughter leaves us for a 9 month or so stint in Uganda, to work in an orphanage. I have 7 other children still at home...but she is my first baby to fly out of my nest, and I am not prepared in the least.
I've never liked goodbyes...and I find I like them even less right now.
Patty
Posted by: Patty | August 20, 2010 10:00 PM
