September 22, 2010 1:53 PM
Mom miscarries - needs words of comfort, prayer
I hope some of you will leave comments here and/or let me know if you'd like to correspond with Chiara, who wrote me this morning in great sadness.
Dear Barbara,I write you with simple words (I know you've many things to do!).
I'm a mother of 3 aged 9,8 and 6. I've just lost my 5 child,she was 14 weeks inside my belly, like the first birth we have on 1999.
I know it's a genetic malformation called "megacystis" and It's very rare. It's the same malformation we had on 1999.
We've always dreamed a large family (we're a very simple family, we haven't so much money but we trust on value of a large family and simple living ) and I know life is not on my hands but on God's hands.
But it's like our dream is lost.
I have fear to have another dramatic birth .
And I feel lost.
I'm 36 and I know I'm not so young to have other births but I ask to myself if I will be able to survive to another death in uterus.
Thank you to read my e mail.
Chiara
Dear Chiara -May God be with you. I share your sadness, as many many moms do. I had three miscarriages myself - two in a row between my 7th and 8th child. I know what it's like to be afraid of such sorrow again. But we trusted in God and had two more children when I was 44 and 45 (we also went on to adopt three).
I know it's hard because many people think it's easier than losing a full term baby. But it's not for those who love their babies as much while they are waiting as they will when they are born.
I will be praying for you.
Maybe it would help if I ran your email at my blog so other moms can share their common experience.
Where do you live? Would you like to be in touch with one of my readers who might be nearby?
God loves you and both babies are waiting for you in Heaven - what a glorious reunion that will be!
love,
barbara
Dear Barbara,I've no words to say you THANK YOU.
I really need your words and if you ran my email at your blog I express to you all my gratitude.I really need to share common experience.
I live near Milano,Italy and I knew you thanks to Martha Sears.
Yes,to be in touch with one of your reader will be the best gift God can give me on this moment.
Your words give me the chance to go on ....and I cry for your words.
You don't know who I am but you're really near me and my thoughts.
Thank you Barbara.
Chiara
Will you take a moment to pray for Chiara and her family? I also rembmer how hard it was when I had little children and so much to be grateful for, to be unable to laugh or smile or concentrate on what I had.
Please leave a comment or send me your address if you would like me to send it to Chiara. Also, anyone know some good herbal supplements which will help restore her hormonal balance?
Posted in Babies, Prayer needs, Pregnancy, birth and labor | Permalink
Comments
Dear Chiara,
We have four children, and lost a baby at 10 weeks this past Spring. It was very hard for me, as I am 42 and not sure if we will have any more. We also recently moved away from all our family and friends, so I felt very alone.
our Parish Priests offered a service to us from The Book of Blessings. I had miscarried before, but had never heard of this. The Blessing was brief, but very comforting and let me trust in the fact that I would meet my darling babies in Heaven, and that I had them to rely on to intercede for their families in the meantime.
If you are a Catholic, talk to your Priest and see if he can offer you this Blessing. I pray it brings you peace.
Danielle
Posted by: Danielle M. | September 22, 2010 3:25 PM
I had wanted to be two things in life. The first was an Olympic figure skater (but without skating lesson and a family without money to provide that the goal was not very attainable) the second was to be a mother. I married later in life (33) and I miscarried a baby before my twins were born due to a hormonal imbalance. That was a truly dark time for me. I had a husband who travelled extensively, a half completed PhD. program with an advisor who stated she didn't believe I belonged there, and the loss of one of the longest held dreams of my life. But God has been good to me (sometimes I think too good since I'm now drowning in babies, newly turned 5 year old twins, a 2 year old and a 1 year old.) The following is a post I ran almost a year ago. I don't know if it will help or not but here it is...
Bittersweet Walking sticks
On our way up to skyline drive this weekend for some hiking and a cook out my husband and I got into a talk about how there are things in this world beyond that which we can explain or see.
But the talk was soon forgotten amid the family outing. The hiking with the kids was a great success, the cook out not so much (but that is a story of spit up hot dogs and screaming babies for another day). On our hike we took the kids on a trail that was handicap accessible and thus a good fit for out stroller bound family. The twins were disappointed that we had forgotten their walking sticks (a recent acquisition from another trip up the mountain), but in the midst of the million other things we would need for our cook out and a potentially cold evening on the mountains they got left behind. My husband went looking for good walking sticks for them among the fallen branches and he and twins went swinging their sticks down the lane with Jordy in tow and me bringing up the rear with the stroller. We had great fun and for the twins the highlight of our walk was …the park benches; not the deer, or the birds, or the beautiful scenery, no, not for our kids, for out kids it was the park benches. Oh well at least they had fun.
After our hike we piled back into the car, the new "walking sticks" in hand and my husband and I stopped at a place that is very special to us. It is at an overlook called Timber Hollow and visits there are always bittersweet. On March 28, 2004 I miscarried a baby. For reasons that are too long to go into we chose Timber Hollow as the site to make a small memorial for our lost baby, who we named Joshua. Our memorial was nestled into some brush at the base of a tree just above an outcropping of rocks that overlooked the beautiful valley below. When ever we come up to skyline drive we always stop and “visit†Joshua and it is always a bittersweet stop. My husband and I have talked about how we can almost see Joshua playing on the rocks and we reflect on how our family might be different if this baby had been born.
This most recent visit was no different but with a surprise. When we walked down the steps we saw a stick just like the ones the twins had been using and still held tightly in their little hands. This stick was tucked into the tree, not fallen against, or leaning in the area, it was tucked neatly, straight, purposefully into the hollow of the tree. I have no way of knowing how that stick got there and there could be a very logical explanation, but then again I believe there are things beyond that which we can see or explain. And I believe we serve a God who is good and merciful to the pain of a mother's hurting heart.
Posted by: Diane | September 22, 2010 3:53 PM
If Chiara would like an online support group, Hannah's Prayer is a wonderful ministry to women who are experiencing infertility or the loss of a child. www.hannah.org
Another wonderful online ministry is Parenting After Infertility and Loss. www.parentingafterinfertility.com
Both of these ministries helped me grieve the deaths of my babies and walked me through the terrifing journey of a pregnancy after loss.
We are praying for Chiara.
Posted by: j dan | September 22, 2010 4:28 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost two children to miscarriage and I don't really have any advice other than to let yourself mourn and take the time you need to recover. I don't know if they're going to admit you to the hospital to deliver or if they feel ok with you miscarrying at home, but either way I would say to make sure to surround yourself with only people who will be supportive of you during that time.
There are a lot of support groups for mother's suffering miscarriage, as others have mentioned above. I found them to be very helpful in the early days following my miscarriages. Sometimes it helps just to have a friend to cry and pray with.
Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet child. I'll be praying for you.
Posted by: Lauren | September 22, 2010 6:24 PM
I am praying for Chiara as a write this through tears. Even though we live so far apart, I feel like she is my sister in Christ. I will keep her in my prayers, for comfort, healing and peace.
I cannot truly know and feel her loss, because I have never lost a child myself. I do know that God is so loving and kind, and He will comfort and guide her and her family as they cope with their loss, if they lean on His strong arms. My own experiences through life have proven God's amazing love and healing to me, and I pray that Chiara will feel that same love and comfort in the days ahead.
God bless you, Chiara.
Posted by: Nana | September 22, 2010 8:20 PM
Chiara, I am so sorry for your loss. I myself lost 2 within 4 mos time just last year. The first one was at about 14 wks. I had learned around 11 wks that things didn't look good and I prayed for the best but alas, it didn't go as I had hoped. People told me to get pregnant again as it would help w/the pain of the loss. I was excited to get pregnant again soon after. But I lost that child too around 8 wks. (No one ever said what happens if you lose that next one too.) To make it worse, I nearly died on that 2nd miscarriage. But I believe that God orchestrated the events such that I was at the hospital just in time. Otherwise, I probably would have died. I was and am grateful that He watched out for me during that experience.
We buried both our children (and named them) and had a little ceremony said for each of them by our priest. That helped. But the pain and grief was so rough. So rough. And such a lonely feeling.
After losing 2 so close together, I wasn't sure I could ever try again. I was going thru a difficult time recovering physically, emotionally, and spiritually. At my husband's encouraging, soon after the 2nd loss, I got pregnant again, believe it or not. To twins! All went well (though admittedly a stressful experience - trying not to worry) and I now have 2 toddlers and 2 babies. The pain I experienced certainly isn't erased, but I am now equally blessed - 2 babies for my 2 losses. (Not to say that these babies replaced my lost babies. They don't.) They are such a blessing from God!
I still haven't reconciled the pain of the 2 losses in my mind. I'm not sure I ever will. But I can't help but look at all my babies and think - God loves me; I am blessed. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way again as I was struggling to deal with 2 losses back to back. It is a very lonely experience but you aren't alone. There are lots of moms out there who know the pain you're going thru.
I pray that God would be with you in a most special way during this time and somehow bring great good to you. I know He loves you and wants to heal you and help you.
God bless.
Posted by: Michelle | September 22, 2010 8:46 PM
My deepest sympathies to you, Chiara. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks 23 years ago, and I still think often of that child, who would have been our firstborn, wondering who s/he was. I have 3 lovely daughters, the youngest born when I was 41 after my doctor told me that it was impossible for me to have any more children due to medical isssues I had. God had very different plans. Both my sisters had children in their 40's - one at age 45 after 7 miscarriages, and the other had twins at 42 after 2 miscarriages. I think the biggest thing that helped me is remembering that, as much as I love that child, God loves him/her far beyond my ability to love. I also know that the short time I have here on earth separated from my child pales in comparison to the eternity we will spend together in God's presence. Your children are waiting to greet you on that day when you go home, and are praying for you now. I hope these words bring you some comfort.
Posted by: Melissa | September 22, 2010 8:59 PM
Chiara, I don't have a lot to say, just want to let you know that I will pray for you. I had 9 healthy, normal pregnancies and deliveries before our 10th, a little boy with Down syndrome. When he was 4 and I was 47 I conceived and carried a little one for about a month before miscarrying. I had been filled with great joy, thinking about having a new baby again in our home, and I felt so sad when the baby died. I often think of the little one who is not here, even though I have 10 children and one granddaughter. So, I guess I want to say that EVERY conceived child is so special. I am sure you are a beautiful mother because you loved your little one so much, even before you saw her little, precious face. I will pray for your healing and for the blessing of another baby in God's timing. St. Gerard and St. Gianna Molla, pray for Chiara!
Posted by: Julie | September 23, 2010 12:30 AM
I will pray for you Chiara and your great loss.
Posted by: Judy | September 23, 2010 7:10 PM
Chiara sent a reply http://mommylife.net/fastcgi/mt/mt.cgi?__mode=view&ping_errors=1&_type=entry&id=8223&blog_id=1&saved_added=1
Posted by: barbara | September 24, 2010 11:55 AM
