Mommy Life

November 22, 2010 4:41 PM

Devo101 - love always

I have some very special people I want you to meet - three other 1/2 trolls (like Eric) who are fixated on me and my blog - and one newcomer to the scene.

I spare you their comments because they are personal attacks - a phenomenon which seems utterly strange to me. I can't imagine spending my time tracking someone with whom I disagree politically and writing regularly to tell her what a horrible person she is. Can't imagine railing against someone - judging/accusing her of being full of hate - and all the time missing the irony that it takes a lot of hate to fuel that kind of obsession.

And yet I have three scattered individuals - from Maryland, Pennsylvania and Colorado - who've made it their life's work to monitor and scold me (plus a newcomer from Round Hill/Williamsburg). Do they really think someday I will see the light: "Oh, my goodness! How can I ever thank you? I once was blind but now I see! And all because of your loving devotion to my spiritual condition. God bless you for showing me the truth!"

Believe me, if that were to happen, I wouldn't hesitate to let them - and you - know. My life is all about hope and change (as anyone who's read my story knows :)

But though I haven't come around to their point of view that I'm a despicable person consumed with hatred, through the years of their unfailing devotion to my site, something truly amazing has happened: In the past year, God has opened my heart to a steadily growing love for them - so that today when I see their names I in my comment box, I smile and am glad.

I think of them during the day and pray for them. I can't explain how this has happened - just as I can't explain how 18 years ago when I realized Jonny had Down syndrome, my first thought was "God must love me very much."

Part of it may be the familiarity - hearing from them on a regular basis. Even though their comments are negative, I am gratified to know that they read me every day - and since I know how much I hated and misjudged Christians before I became one, I am ultimately trusting that God is using the time they are spending on my site to good purpose.

And a big part of the affection I feel for them now is the same we feel about anyone who has touched our lives in a positive way. Though they hate and misjudge me, they have been part of something truly profound God has done in my life: teaching me what it means to love your enemies those who regard themselves as your enemies.

In the end, they reinforce that feeling that God must love me very much to provide me with what I need to grow and change.

"But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Luke 6:27-36

Dr. Dobson says love isn't a feeling, but a decision. I decided some time ago to see these special people the same way God sees them and to ask Him to help me love them the same way He does. Does that mean I have to change my politics? Not at all. But that's their problem to deal with: will they continue hating or decide to love? Will they keep dividing or will they look for common ground?

I hope someday they will take me up on my offers to come and visit my family and get to know who I really am, rather than the straw woman they would like to burn. But since I don't know if their addresses are real (they've never replied to emails), I've decided to address them publicly. Also, I'd like you all to think of them as friends and pray for them too.

The first is Devo101 whose IP addresses indicate that he lives in Montgomery County, MD and works in or near Gainesville, VA (so he actually reads and writes me when someone is paying him to work). I know little about him personally except that he once referred to having children and he saw The Screwtape Letters last winter at the Shakespeare Theater in Washington, DC. The following was in reply to his comment about my post on government waste - which proved to him for the gazillionth time that I was full of hate:

From: Barbara Curtis
Date: Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 4:18 PM
Subject: hello, dear friend!
To: devo101@xxxxx.com

Hi Devo -

Although I think it's weird that you ignore my thousands of hopeful, loving, nurturing, encouraging and inspirational posts to focus on anything you possibly can find to paint me as a hater, I can't tell you what it means to me that you read my blog daily. I really love you for that!

Also to be in such good company with World magazine!

btw, I think you know I'm talking about bureaucratic white collar workers who are the ones making over 150,000 a year. Your rants indicate that you may be the real hater, becoming obsessive and searching for any crumbs you can grab to try to put me down. Do you really think it matters? I am getting 10,000-19,000 visits/day. I have the incredible opportunity of helping women personally through an unseen email ministry. I also raise kids with disabilities and try to make the world a better, more accepting place for them.

I hope you have found a way to make your own personal contribution other than berating me on a regular basis.

My disdain for our president and well-founded concern over creeping shariah are the marks of an intelligent human being whose orientation toward life is care for the most defenseless and for the future of America.

Please know I smile with delight whenever you leave a comment. You will never persuade me that I am the person you desperately want to believe I am. But as I said, I delight in knowing you continue to read my blog.

and btw, after losing all we had materially, my husband is a school bus driver who loves being able to minister to children each day. He makes less than 35,000/year as a government employee. He and others like him - who truly serve - deserve every dollar they are paid and more. But you knew I wasn't talking about them, didn't you?

love,
barbara

Devo -
I can't say enough how grateful I am for your continued readership - as well as the miracle of the complete and utter love I feel for you. Please know that there are now many more people praying for you and your family. May God bless and keep you always!

I will be introducing my other trolls in the next few days . . . .

Love,

Posted in My life | Permalink

Comments

Good for you. You've mentioned HillBuzz a few times here...I wonder if they read you? They also get more than a few trolls and it seems to have upset them considerably at times. When I read things like this, I can't figure out why people write nasty e-mails/comments regularly like that. There is plenty that makes me angry on the Internet, but if I don't like a site I generally stop reading it. Too much energy and effort to track someone and, what? try to make their life a little more miserable? What's the point?

Posted by: Jennifer | November 23, 2010 6:04 AM

Love it Barbara!! I often wonder why some folks care so much that they become so fixated on certain blogs. There are other popular blogs that I read, where they don't even discuss politics or spiritual matters, and there are folks are out to "get" them. An odd thing ideed...However, the command to love our enemies is perfect advice in such situations. I'm working with someone who, for reaons unknown to me, strongly dislikes me. We are at very opposite ends of the political and spiritual spectrum but I thought we always had good, respectful conversations. Anyway, I was getting all upset about her behavior one day and the thought that I need to love her came to mind. It's been a delight to see her ever since! I think it makes her twitch a bit when I welcome her with open arms but God has been good to encourage my heart and hopefully it will be noticable to her...Who knows how God will work in her heart... :-)

Posted by: Kim Schofield | November 23, 2010 8:15 AM

Barbara, I've never met you, but I truly know after reading this that Christ is shining through you and having a domino effect on other people.
When my husband was struggling with people like this who would drive him crazy, a very wise priest counseled him to look at these people as God's angels. While that sounds crazy to look at people that are hurtful to you as angels, he came to see why that priest had given him that advice. He came to love those angels just like you are doing because they actually started helping him work on flawed virtues of his that needed strengthening:) Consequently, it strengthened our whole family/household and drew us together also. Little Therese is so proud of you right now--may we all reflect her "little ways". In Christ, Linda

Posted by: Linda | November 23, 2010 9:14 AM

I'm really sorry you have had to deal with such ugliness. God truly is using it for His glory: you are witnessing the best of Christian charity and forgiveness. Their vitriol is blessing you - may your response eventually bless them with healing.

And may all of us provide such witnessing to Christian charity in our disagreements, great and small! You've given an important reminder as we enter a season that is often quite stressful, and Christian charity goes lacking as a result...

Posted by: Denise | November 23, 2010 1:26 PM

you are fantastic! I want to be you when I grow up! (and I need to remember to come here, *then* go to Amazon!)

Posted by: Cecilia | November 28, 2010 4:26 PM

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