December 15, 2010 8:17 AM
Why forgive? How to forgive
For Christians, forgiveness is not optional. God commands us to forgive, because - as Jesus said he came to set the captives free - God knows that unforgiveness is a state of bondage.
While we may delude ourselves that we can get away with nursing this or that particular grudge, the fact is that our resentment hurts. And it hurts us even more than the one we cannot forgive.
I first reviewed this book in March 2007, but I want to bring it up again for anyone new to MommyLife who needs a little pep talk on why we must forgive - and Advent is a great time for this kind of self-reflection:
Seven Prayers That Will Change Your Life Forever
is one of those very pretty gift books with short chapters. But Stormie has made every word count. There's no fluff here - just good solid advice to revolutionize your Christian walk.
[And right now, there are new hardcover copies at Amazon for 1 cent!]
I was especially struck with Chapter Three - The Prayer of Release. I'm going to excerpt some bits here, because I think it will resonate with some of you. If it does, you may want to read the whole book.
Stormie begins with a mercifully brief account - less than 150 words - summarizing her mother's sins against her. It's brief because it's not where Stormie chooses to dwell. She wants to share her healing:
Many years later I sat in front of Mary Anne, a Christian counselor, who told me I needed to forgive my mother if I wanted to find complete wholeness and healing. Forgive someone who treated me with hatred and abuse? Someone who has ruined my life by making me into an emotional cripple? How can I? I thought to myself, overwhelmed at the prospect of so great a task. I had already confessed my sins, and now my counselor was asking me to forgive my mother - all in the same counseling session."You don't need to feel forgiveness in order to say you forgive someone," Mary Anne explained. "Forgiveness is something you do out of obedience to the Lord because he has forgiven you. You have to be willing to say, 'God, I confess hatred for my mother, and I ask your forgiveness. . . .
As Stormie, in obedience, prayed for God's forgiveness for her own sin of not forgiving, then prayed "God, forgive my mother," she says she felt God's love as never before.
It was the beginning of a process - especially since Stormie's mother's abuse continued and increased toward her.
For Stormie, the turning point came when she prayed, "Lord, help me have a heart like yours for my mother," and in accepting God's answer to that prayer,
I could see how her life, like mine, had been twisted and deformed by circumstances beyond her control. Suddenly I no longer felt hated her for it. I felt sorry for her instead.[my emphasis - this paragraph is worth memorizing, don't you think?]Being in touch with the heart of God for my mother brought such forgiveness in me that when she died a few years later, I had absolutely no bad feelings toward her. In fact, the more I forgave her, the more the Lord brought to mind good memories. I was amazed there were any at all.
Forgiveness leads to life. Unforgiveness is a slow death. Forgiveness is ongoing because once you've dealt with the past, constant infractions occur in the present. None of us get by without having our pride wounded or being manipulated, offended or hurt by someone. Each time that happens it leaves a scar on the soul if not confessed, released, and dealt with before the Lord. Besides that, unforgiveness separates you from people you love.
Though a lack of forgiveness does not change our status as born-again believers, Stormie explains why a broken relationship limits our relationship with God and with our own children.
And I like the way she urges us to take responsibility:
Forgiveness is a two-way street. God forgives you and you forgive others. God forgives you quickly and completely upon your confession of wrongdoing. You are to forgive others quickly and completely, whether they admit failure or not. . .Forgiveness is a choice we make. We base our decision not on what we feel like doing but what we know is right. I did not like forgiving my mother. Instead, I chose to forgive her because God's Word says, "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)
There are both spiritual and psychological reasons to forgive. The spiritual reason is that we desire to obey God. . .
The psychological reason is to free ourselves. . . .When we forgive, we make a choice to no longer allow other people's sin to dictate how we feel or what we do. Forgiveness gives us the freedom to truly live our lives as God intended.
It was hard for me to understand that God loves my mother as much as he loves me. He loves all people as much as he loves me. The most important thing to remember is that forgiveness doesn't make the other person right, it makes you free.
In a production I once saw of Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the ghost of Jacob Marley was covered with larger-than-life chains. I can think of no better picture of how it feels to carry around bitterness and resentment. The fact is that it's our choice to let our anger and resentment weigh us down rather than to let it go.
Each of us has been wounded in some way. And each of us faces the challenge of forgiveness and learning to love those who hate us. It's hard at first, but it does get easier with practice. And it does set you free!
Posted in Advent, Inspiration | Permalink
Comments
Hi Barbara,
If you haven't watched it yet, Amish Grace is a tear-jerking, heart wrenching movie about true forgiveness. Based on the true incident that happened a few years ago in PA. The Dove Assn. puts an age limit of 12yrs and up on it because it is quite traumatic. What an excellent teaching tool, though.
Posted by: Linda | December 15, 2010 10:25 AM
Beautiful! And truer words were never written than these. God's timing is amazing! I've been struggling to let go of some past hurts that I've carried around for far too long. This post serves as a very good reminder. The book is definitely going on my Amazon wish list.
Posted by: Chrissy | December 15, 2010 11:36 AM
There are four copies available at Paperback Swap. I just ordered my copy this morning.
(Thanks, Barbara)
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | December 15, 2010 1:44 PM
