May 3, 2011 3:55 PM
Mother's Day - preparing our hearts
Published Mother's Day 2007:
I was what some people would probably call a poor white cracker girl. My dad left when I was five. In addition to scrambling for a living for three - and later, four - kids, my mother spent the rest of her life trying to fill the hole in her soul with booze and men. I spent time bouncing between relatives and a foster home, where I was abused at the age of 8. When I did live with my mom, we were so poor that we didn't own a car or TV and there was often not enough to eat.While there were some solid things going on in my 20's - my education and first two daughters - there was a lot of destructive stuff too: radical politics, serial drug addictions, divorce (my choice), welfare, sexual promiscuity.
Ironically, though better educated, at 32 I looked well on the road to turning out just like my mom.
And then God got hold of my life, even though I wouldn't quite understand how real and close He was until seven years later. In the meantime, I got off drugs and alcohol, married Tripp and began to have a lot of children. At first it was by accident (well, I say by accident, but since we were using birth control, I think it was part of a larger plan), but it became purposeful as we understood our calling. In pouring our best into our children, we built the kind of family we wished we'd had ourselves - which meant becoming the best parents we could be.
There are details I'm leaving out here - for brevity's sake - but those of you who've read bits and pieces of my story here and in my books already know the miracles involved in my life. So you can understand that to see nine children grown into people I can be proud of (still have three under 15) - especially two daughters who had to overcome their early years of my inadequate mothering to become good mothers themselves - is affirmation to me that God doesn't need a lot to work with to create something wonderful.
All He looks for is a willing heart.
To think that a mother from my background would grow up to have kids who live with purpose and meaning lets me know that in this country - and with God - all things are possible.
It's all about choice. Motherhood isn't about whether I feel up to the job or what kind of mood I'm in each day. As Doctor Dobson says, love isn't a feeling but a decision. So too, much of who we become as mothers is based on our own choice.
Our character isn't reflected in the big decisions as much as it is built by the small ones we make each day - sometimes hanging in there on a minute-by-minute basis. As I've mentioned, this stage of motherhood - with adult children who each see me in a different way - is certainly no cakewalk.
But seeing my kids' success and joy - products of their character, teachability and the choices they've made - makes me feel that by deciding way back when to put my family first, to teach my kids to read myself, to let my boys be boys, to make dinner every night, to support their choices rather than mold them into what I wanted them to be (Josh owns a construction company, Matt an actor, Ben an opera singer, Zach headed for Marine OCS this fall) was well worth it.
After all, I will take nothing with me when I leave this earth - but I can make the world a better place through the children I leave behind.
So much of Mother's Day is based on the expectation that our families will give us gifts and cards and recognize our value in their lives. But I'd like to suggest that this Mother's Day we each take some time - even if it's in the laundry room :) - to reflect on the interplay between our calling as mothers and our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
No matter how different our lifestyles and opinions here, I think all of us are committed to realizing our potential as moms. Maybe Mother's Day is a good time to ask Where have we come from and where are we going? What's standing in the way of our becoming all that God can help us to be?
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