June 8, 2011 5:26 PM
Ben and Anna's exciting Rochester adventure!
No matter how long the road stretches, motherhood is so fulfilling sometimes I think I could burst. I know my perspective is different than most since my oldest child is 41 and my youngest is 11. I still get up and put children on the bus each morning and worry about teaching them to tie their shoes and pick up their clothes and have good manners. Still screening their movies. Still making dinner for 7 most nights.
But I have six other children whose lives are unfolding and filled with adventure and I'm blessed that they want to share those adventures with me. If anything, my life is even more active than when they were all little and within the boundaries of our home. I still pray that God will make up the difference between any ways in which I fell short and all they need to fulfill the plans God has in store for each of them. Because he so graciously filled in the holes in my life, I have confidence that He will fill theirs too.
I share about my older kids because this is a joyful phase of motherhood and - as so many of you have mentioned - when you are in the throes of raising toddlers and just learning to let go and let God mold you into the parent He knows you can be, it's easy to get discouraged. When I look at each of my children, my vision goes all the way back to when they were babies and all the years between. Those memories are a treasure. And sharing in their lives today is a privilege worth every sleepless night, trip the the ER, misunderstanding and spiritual crisis.
All by way of saying, I want to share another family milestone: Ben - our #3 son - going off to grad school.
Ben and Anna married two weeks after graduating from college (he from Liberty, she from VA Tech). They didn't have jobs or a place to live, but they were committed to sharing their adventure together. I suppose most people would think that was very foolish - that they should have waited until they were financially secure, established in their professions, etc.etc.
And yet, they had waited for five years to be together. And don't you think it's asking a lot of young Christian men and women to remain pure well into their 20s when God built our bodies with a different timetable in mind? Don't you think that remaining pure and committing themselves to each other 100% is a stronger foundation than any material one you could imagine? And don't you think that trusting God to guide them as they build their life together is not at all out of synch with our faith? (For more, see In praise of early marriage)
Although we never really discussed this beforehand, I think it showed a lot of trust on Anna's family's part to allow her to marry our son. I'm only now realizing how similar our values are in that way. Scrutinizing a suitor's financial condition would not be a priority for me with my daughters. But his character, kindness, and faith would be key. I'm grateful Anna's family appreciated Ben as much as we appreciated Anna.
And a little food for thought: I once had an article assignment from a magazine called Plain Truth: interview couples married more than 50 years to find out the secrets of their success - see Golden Secrets. Every single one of them married with next to nothing and built their lives together. Most married after knowing each other a very short time. And they didn't have big fancy weddings - sometimes it was just them and their parents and the preacher.
But back to Ben and Anna. They lived in Charlottesville, worked hard at their jobs while Ben studied with a private music teacher. They lived simply and frugally with a priority of paying off Ben's student loans. They succeeded and before their second wedding anniversary Ben began applying to graduate school to continue his study of opera.
He was asked to audition at Peabody, George Mason and Eastman and then accepted by all three. He chose Eastman because it is reputed to be the best music school in the country and also because he admires the teachers he's met.
Once the decision was made, everything fell into place. Anna flew to Rochester for a job interview with a Montessori organization and while there found an apartment and signed a lease - all by herself. Ben was able to get a transfer, and they gave notice on their lease for the end of May.
So last weekend was the big move. Ben and Anna had been here in northern Virginia to visit their families. On Thursday, Matt drove down with Ben to pack a rented U-Haul and drive it 2 hours north to our house. Anna's mom and sister dropped her off. Tripp made dinner and then a pancake breakfast the next morning.
Then we were on our way:
The only hitch so far was that when Ben went to pick up the truck, U-Haul did n't have the size they had reserved for him. They only had a smaller one, which meant he had had to leave Anna's bike and other items behind in Charlottesville. He and Matt had driven up in the truck and Benanna's car (that's our family name for them)m packed to the gills with stuff. Ben was twisted like a pretzel behind the wheel of the truck and we had to help him straighten his body back out :)
To ease the strain, we took the benches out of our 12-passenger van and loaded it with the overflow. So there were three vehicles - the truck, their car, our van traveling up 91 and 15 to Rochester, NY. Ben drove the truck, Anna the car, and I the van. Matt and Sophia switched off whenever we stopped.
It was a great trip. Beautiful day, beautiful scenery, not many cars on the road. I think we stopped three times - not too bad - before arriving at their new apartment, which Ben had never seen (lotta trust there):
We found the key and without further ado, Ben carried Anna over the threshold:
Here's what the truck looked like - all their stuff in the world:
The neighborhood was so beautiful with older construction homes - I'm talking 30s and 40s, maybe earlier - some of which had been turned into apartments, and big shade trees. The air was cool and crisp. Anna had chosen well.
We were joined immediately by Josh and Jess. Josh is Ben's friend who also graduated from Liberty and began attending Eastman for opera this year (and has the distinction of having been chosen to sing with Renee Fleming last year!). Jess, his sister, was a nursing student in Rochester and still lives there. We all got busy putting the cleaning, unpacking:
Sophia knows how to work the camera even when she's working! When we were exhausted and it seemed like Ben and Anna would be comfortable for the night, we walked out just as were were and joined the young people streaming toward Park Avenue, where there is a row of all kinds of restaurants with outside tables. We chose Thai and ate every plate clean. Then we walked Ben and Anna home and Jess and Josh went back to their apartment and Sophia, Zach and I headed for the hotel where Ben had gotten us a discount reservation (he works for a hotel chain).
The next morning we assembled to take up Josh on his offer to give us a tour of Eastman, which will be Ben's other home for at least the next two years and where he will learn amazing things about his voice and himself. Rochester is a region which at one time had a great concentration of wealth. Eastman of Eastman-Kodak was a major benefactor, as was Kodak. A few shots inside the Kodak Theater in Eastman School, where Ben will eventually perform:
Directly upstairs are practice rooms, where students spend a lot of time. My kids asked why I was taking a picture of a humble practice room and I said because many of my readers might never have thought of or seen what it's like to study vocal performance:
Here's the money shot:
Josh had to leave for a rehearsal for a concert that night - which would be in the Kodak Theater and for which Ben and Anna and Jess scored student-priced tickets - so Jess took us to the Rochester Market - which I think is the oldest one in the country and huge and crowded and full of everything from roosters to sunglasses:
Oh, did I mention it was raining? But not too much.
I have to say this was one of the richest experiences of my motherhood and one which I will always remember. It was so satisfying and beautiful to share the beginning of this new adventure in Ben and Anna's life. I was so grateful they wanted me to be part of it.
Saying goodbye, I felt confident in their future:
God is surely smiling on them!
Oh, and btw, when Ben returned the truck, they said it was free, that U-Haul's promise is to have the size you ordered when you come to pick up. Thats $500+ for school!Update: this was a misunderstanding. U-Haul did charge them for the truck and Ben has filed a complaint.
the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
Comments
What a bursting big grin I have on my face. I LOVE this story.
Thank you for sharing it with all of us. And you know, Ben and Anna's story gives me a lot of hope ( in God) for my own children who are nearly all adults now.
Praise His Name. He does all things well.
XOo
Posted by: Cynthia | June 8, 2011 6:29 PM
very cool story! My best violin teacher (a professor here at USM School of Music) is a graduate of Eastman. Their motto is Meliora (which means 'better'). Several of the teachers and performers in the southern Maine area are from Eastman. He sure picked a good school!
I can also relate to having younger ones still while having older ones. Mike is 28 while Meira is 10.
Posted by: Marye | June 8, 2011 8:13 PM
AWW-This is so great! Best of luck to them!
My husband and I got married when I was 22 and he was 27 in 1993. We've been through an awful lot but we are still hanging together. So maybe there's something to marrying young! ;-)
Posted by: Heather | June 9, 2011 12:10 AM
LOVE it...delightful story. I just LOVE God's whimsical gifts (think free truck) that He bestows on us, His kids.
Posted by: Cathy | June 9, 2011 12:15 AM
I love this story. Thanks for sharing it w/ us. The pics are great, too. I love it because it reminds me that there is so much more to raising kids than my own efforts. God loves them so much more than I do. And the part about early marriages (to the right person, of course) I will tuck away in my mind for when I need that advice. Thanks! Blessings to you today!
Posted by: Debbie | June 9, 2011 11:33 AM
As I was falling asleep last night, I thought about the happy images and good news of this post, and thanked God that I had something good and lovely to ponder, to counter all the Weinergate trash and bad economic news..
My husband and I started out similarly, in the early 80's. I remember my dad saying he was glad he wasn't just starting out in those bleak economic times, but that we had one thing - youth, with its energy and time on our side! It helps now to have had the experience of struggle and making it together, to face the present difficulties.
Posted by: Kate J | June 10, 2011 4:19 PM
