July 28, 2011 7:18 AM
Moving Blues - so many moves, so little time!
My history of moves:
birthplace: Kansas City, Kansas -> Fort Smith Arkansas -> Atlanta, Georgia -> Rockford, Illinois -> Fairbanks, Alaska -> Long Beach, California ->
Those were all before I was six years old. Always dodging bill collectors, my dad would pack his family up and leave by night. No one ever told me in advance. I remember being carried out to lie on piles of stuff in the back seat and my parents passing an old-fashioned thermos - the kind with the lining that could shatter into a million pieces - between them in the front. One black and stormy night my mother spilled the hot coffee on my baby brother. As she pulled his clothes from him, she became hysterical as his skin peeled away too. I remember my father trying to find a hospital. I don't remember anything else.
My dad left when I was six, immediately following the birth of my second brother. He left for another woman, but she would not be the last. I know I have at least four half-siblings from that first other woman, but there were more women after her and probably more kids. I've only met one when he was a baby and I was 10 or so. Never heard from any - but wouldn't mind it if I did.
My mom must have been devastated. A poor uneducated girl from Missouri who'd been taken away from her roots and never anywhere long enough to put down more, she headed for Washington DC to look for a job. My brothers and I were sent to live in a foster home in Camp Springs, Maryland (in those days, people could advertise homes for kids and moms sent money - like the Thenardiers in Les Miz).
When my mom found out about the abuse there, she brought us home to live in Washington DC, where I went to school at Barnard Elementary. Then sent me to live for a year with my dad in Oklahoma City. Then home to Falls Church, Virginia where she had managed to buy a house by marrying someone and divorcing him. In between she gave birth to my youngest brother.
I went to school at Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh for a semester, then came home to work in DC (I finished my degree at George Mason University 1970-72 and San Francisco State University 1983).
Things haven't gotten much more stable for me as an adult:
Rockville, Maryland -> Alexandria, Virginia -> San Francisco, California (5 different addresses) -> San Rafael, CA (3 different addresses) -> San Anselmo, CA -> Petaluma, CA -> Novato, CA -> Petaluma, CA (after 7 years, we were able to buy back the ranch we almost immediately regretted having sold) -> Philomont, VA -> Waterford, VA -> Bluemont, VA -> Lovettsville, VA.
So it looks like this will be my 29th move. There it is in black and white, the trail I was trying to piece together as I fell asleep last night after tumbling into bed after my second heavy day of packing. I mean, I've been dabbling in packing for five weeks, but now as M-Day nears (Sunday we pack the truck and Monday drive it from Bluemont to Lovettsville) we are going full bore. And every cell of my 63-year old body is screaming No! You can't do this!
I mean, if I were a normal 63 year old grandma, living a quiet life with my husband and a few visiting grandchildren, it would be one thing. But we still have four kids at home - plus two college girls whose stuff stays with us until they have homes of their own. Actually, Sophia has a whole separate suite of furniture for college since she lives off-campus and that is also part of what we have to deal with since it comes home with her for the summer.
We tried something new this time - rented a POD which we will finish filling tomorrow and have dropped at our new address Saturday, thus making room for the truck in our driveway. It was one way to keep the pressure from building inside our house, which is covered with boxes and bubble wrap and butcher paper - all courtesy Craig's List and a dozen trips to buy them from those who've emerged from the other side of Moving Hell alive and well.
Which gives me hope. . . .
I am trying to get rid of everything we don't need, but finding it so difficult. I mean how ridiculous is it when my mind says, "Oh, maybe you will need/get around to using (fill in the blank)" when I know that I have moved it two or three times and never unpacked or thought once about this oh-so-very-important artifact in the years between?
And now - crunched for time - I'm at the point where I'm throwing things into boxes, putting off making decisions until after we move. What sense does that make?
But what sense does any of it make? If my body weren't aching so badly to remind me otherwise, I'd say I was having an out-of-body experience as my life - as well as the entire universe - has begun to take on a surreal aspect. I feel like a teensy weensy ant scurrying toward my destination while dying from the load I'm carrying around. Pretty existential.
In fact, I think that the best thing about going to Heaven may be no longer being responsible for THINGS. Like, just me with no encumbrances. What a glorious feeling to be free of the collection of THINGS I've carefully picked to entertain/delight/reflect me. Nothing like a move to remind you the price earthly attachments exact.
No, I will not go off to be an ascetic. Unfortunately, my family needs me.
And then there's the issue of the washing machine - an integral part of my battle against chaos around here - which seems to be on its last legs, straining and refusing to thoroughly wring the excess water out of the clothes I have entrusted to its care. I spend my days running back and forth between boxes and the laundry room, where I turn the lazy machine back on. Usually this strategy - and if I don't forget to keep going back to coax it along - can get a load done in three hours. The appliance repairperson our landlord sent - a really nice guy - checked it over and said it was a mystery to him and he would consult with a more experienced colleague. That was a week ago and I haven't heard back.
Oh, and then there are the endless phone calls/arrangements. And the dread that my Internet service in the next rural area will be lousy. And the ideas scampering in my head about the things I want to write as soon as I have time.
So what am I doing here, when I should be packing more boxes? Because a communicator has to communicate. I just can't help it. I was talking to my writer friend Ann last week and she says she has the same experience: for writers, there's the story we live and the stories we tell.
And there are the friends we make along the way.
No matter how much I move, this blog is a home for me. Thanks for making it feel that way!
Comments
You can do it!
Oh, the burden of things. But I encourage you to take your opportunity here!! Perhaps don't put off a decision on some of those things you haven't touched in years, just for practice, and see how it goes! Just change the framework a little. Perhaps don't even look and "make a decision" -- what if?! The burdens of asking "What if we need this?", wanting to be a good steward, and even of treasuring family memories are all good, appropriate and responsible to some extent, but they so easily morph into a self-reliance bondage. Speaking here from both past experience with freedom and current again- bogged-down situation, out of which I need to motivate myself!
What if, 2 years down the road, I end up really needing one of the 50 things I choose to get rid of? If so, is God not able to provide it then (and was He able to bless someone else with that released resource in the interim)? Ask: What's the worse case scenario? Having to replace an item here or there new? If so, what would be the cost? What is that cost compared to the peace and simplicity of being de-cluttered (for all that time before even needing ONE of the things!)? Time, decreased mental burden, etc have a value, too. It feels so GOOD to let things go sometimes, and to trust! Even sentimental items sometimes-- they're important, but it's about the memory not the thing. Though sometimes they help bind our family together in the present, sometimes they inhibit us in the present with the drag and guilt they create. And the present is all we really have.
I pray it goes smoothly for you.
Funny: I just read a brief post from Dorothy over at Urban Servant (mom to 11, all under 13 or so, all but 3 adopted with special needs like FASD and autism) who is living in a teensy tiny rental, and next week faces a 3rd move in less than 18 months. She said that she's researching the perfect pair of winter boots and contemplating going window shopping for them. So funny. I do the same kind of denial phase sometimes! We moms do what we need to do to cope!
Posted by: marian | July 28, 2011 9:37 AM
Oh I feel your pain! I have lived through much of what you described. We have been in this (rental) house for six years and it's a RECORD! lol But we may move again, or we may find ourselves having to move for reasons yet unknown. But my complete empathy and prayers go out to you today. And that your new location will be sweet and you will love it, in all it's transitory glory! Because I guess all earthly homes are transitory anyway.
Posted by: Kelly | July 28, 2011 9:40 AM
"If I were a normal 63 year old grandma"... I often have a similar thought, altho I'm 51. My friends with the smaller families are becoming empty-nesters and grandparents, and I too have 4 school-agers still at home (plus the revolving door of 4 young adults coming and going). Life would certainly be different if I were "normal"! One of my single friends' parents always says, "Well, you'll never be lonely."
About the washing machine - with our heavily used 30 y/o Maytag, I have periodically noticed the spin cycle not wringing the water out efficiently, and I just run a cycle of rags with a jug of vinegar, and that seems to clear it up. For us, I think the machine was just getting gummed-up. Also, I alternate between powder and liquid detergent (whatever's on sale), and the liquid seems to gum it up quicker. I also stopped using any fabric softeners and that has helped.
Love & hugs...
Posted by: Kate J | July 28, 2011 10:20 AM
Hang in there Barbara! Just do what you can as you can, it will all get done somehow. Here's a nice article I ran across this morning, maybe you can take solace from it.
Peace to you Barbara.
http://www.catholicdigest.com/blog/colleen_duggan/139
Posted by: Tammy | July 28, 2011 11:48 AM
I have moved a lot too (not as many times as you, though) but I most confess something: I think I have Gypsy blood running thru my veins, because every time we move, a few years later, I begin wanting to move again....there has never been a place that I can say "I want to stay here forever"....even after moving into a house, driving around the new neighborhood, I find myself looking at other houses and saying "I like that house...I want to move again"
Anyway....I do wish I as there helping you, chatting away while working alongside you!
I do hope this is the year I come and meet you all personally! I feel like traveling!!!!
Posted by: LadyLovas | July 28, 2011 11:54 AM
The title of your post today caught my eye as I linked from Michelle Obama's Mirror's blog. Thank you so much for putting into words so much of what I'm feeling now as I'm facing a cross-country move that I really didn't want to make. We've only been here 4 years and it was finally starting to feel like home. They say a move is as traumatic as a death in the family, so your life is a testimony to how strong and resilient you are. My hat is off to you, and best of luck!
Posted by: PortiaElizabeth | July 28, 2011 12:55 PM
Well, I find myself in the same situation as you are. We are moving tomorrow, and instead of packing while the little boys are sleeping, I've found myself reading and then commenting on your post! I've always needed the "added pressure" of waiting til the last minute to get myself really motivated (this was oh-so-fun for me during finals!).
I have also been somewhat of a nomad. Which is funny because I only lived in 2 houses growing up (but only really remember 1), but have moved 14 times in the last 10 years, with 4 of those moves being cross country. We are hoping this home will be one we can stay in for a long time b/c my darling 9 year old has been dragged along on 13 of those 14 moves. He's never been able to live anywhere more than a year and has been in a new school for each grade he's been in. I pray this new situation works well for us, and I say the same prayer for you and your beautiful family!
Posted by: Kimberlie | July 28, 2011 6:42 PM
Good buddy Barb...perhaps I could match your # of moves in my considerably more years than you have on your bod' and many of them were overseas to various countries while in mission work.
Loved your nostalgic blog and blow by blow account of how we all feel when we move. Decisions--decisions! In those pix those weren't REALLY your cars on the road and in the driveway loaded with stuff!?! Stock photos, huh?
I've been praying for your move for sure!
Seriously,I'm switching washer and dryer (4 yr old Kenmore set new when I moved here) with one of my sons because he is moving "again" to a place where he doesn't need them now, and his set was somewhat of an upgrade for me. He really needed to sell my set but I might twist his arm to let me give them to you if you need them and could come and fetch them. Didn't consult him yet, waiting to see if you might want them?
Your Winchester buddy.
Posted by: leona Choy | July 28, 2011 7:31 PM
Love this post!! LOVE IT! You're gifted with a great attitude! Thanks!
Posted by: Rose | July 28, 2011 9:09 PM
Thinking of you and lifting up prayers as you make your move this weekend!
Blessings,
Amelia
Posted by: A Mac and a Mug O' Joe | July 29, 2011 8:52 AM
Good luck with your move, Barbara. Hope everything goes beautifully for you. Thanks for still posting articles even though you're so busy. :)
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | July 29, 2011 6:12 PM
I am grateful for your blog, Barb-really grateful. Your writings and pictures seem minister to me things I can say and things I can't seem to put into words at times. When you said your life has taking a surreal aspect-I can so relate. I feel that with my body and mind. I have made your blog part of my home now.
We left our house 2 years ago and have moved four times in the last two years. Another one is coming due to this current rental being foreclosed. But, the pleasure I take in all this moving is the purging of so many things. My life that I have kept in boxes that I can't seem to hang on to anymore.
Mother Therese always seems to be in the back of my mind when I want to hang on to things.
Thanks again, Barb! I can only imagine what you go through... writing this blog, moving, raising your family, being a wife, and a million other things you don't have time to write.
Posted by: Eileen | July 30, 2011 12:26 PM
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers on your moving day. May you not forget anything important, have any truck related troubles or stress related arguments. Peace be with all of you and best wishes in your new home !
Posted by: Cynthia | July 31, 2011 10:12 AM
Thank you, Cynthia.
Funny you mentioned stress-related arguments because Tripp and I had one this morning. Thankfully, we let it go in about 10 minutes :)
Things are going smoothly. Many of my children are here to help.
Your prayers obviously are being heard!
Posted by: Barbara | July 31, 2011 10:53 AM
Why is it that when you regurgitate your past you exclude Joe? Is he not part of your beloved past? You must not realize what a positive effect you had on him. How sad for you and especially for him.
Posted by: Sillyhpj | July 31, 2011 4:52 PM
Barbara, I've thought about you and your move all week. I do wish our family lived close enough to help! There have been, and will continue to be, prayers over your move and settling at your new home.
Having only moved four times (one of which I don't remember) in my 50 years, I confessed over and over to my children after our last move 6 1/2 yrs. ago (and their only move) that I'm just not good at some of the logistics of moving and that I needed forgiveness and help staightening it all out. Funny......I think we're STILL straightening some of it out. In light of eternity, it will all be okay :-)
I'm especially praying that the Downszers (did I spell that right?) adjust and settle well.
Rest when you can and blessings on your new home.
Posted by: von | July 31, 2011 8:30 PM
