January 11, 2012 12:56 PM
Your input needed: facebook moms
Looking for input for my next writing project:In 2007, I wrote a piece for Christian Science Monitor: Moms helping moms through blogs.
Now five years later, I want to do an analysis of the impact facebook has on the lives of mothers.
I have some ideas, but I want to hear yours. How has facebook changed your life? Has it given you more pride in the things that make up your daily living: your culinary efforts, your children's exploits, your prayer needs, for example?
Any negatives? Feelings of inadequacy? Competitiveness?
My bias is that facebook is a positive force in the lives of mothers, but I want to hear all sides.
Please share in the comments below, on my facebook page or in a private email. Let me know I have your permission to use quotes and whether I can use your name or anonymous. Feel free to share specific stories on how facebook made a difference.
Thanks!
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Comments
I was able to write my book because of the connections and support I received on Facebook. I was reluctant at first, but soon found it an invaluable tool. And a fun place to chat and learn the latest news in prolife, Catholic , moms, and politics.
Posted by: Leticia Velasquez | January 11, 2012 2:11 PM
FB is great. I link all my blog posts there. I've reconnected to literally dozens of "lost" friends, precious friends. It's invaluable just for that. We share ideas, needs, hurts, joys. On Monday night, when my son's car stalled out on a road with trucks flying by, and I could do nothing to help him, FB was the first place I thought of where I could ask LOTS of friends to pray hard for him, right now, right away. They did. Within minutes, 15 people were praying for his safety - friends who are moms with college sons like mine. It's just wonderful for communication. Plus, I have friends from various parts of the country who are now friends with each other, through me, through FB.
Posted by: mary kathryn | January 11, 2012 3:13 PM
I love facebook! (so I am thinking I share your bias)
I have been facebooking since 2007 and have always seen it as a tool to encourage and inspire my circle of friends (which is rather wide and includes hundreds of former high school students I taught who are now spouses & parents themselves, my homeschool mom connections, my business associates from throughout the country, "old" high school & college friends, fellow church parisioners, neighbors as well as my friends & family.)
Here are some amazing ways that I have been able to use FB as such a great tool:
1. Praying for people as they "pop up" on my home pages...people that have pressing needs that I may not know about if it were not for FB (or in my human condition may not remember their need)
2. Reading a post from a distraught mother of toddlers who is having a tough day and dropping by her home with flowrs & ice tea and a hug to help bring her some refreshment during this hard season of life
3. Posting positive & encouraging scriptures, quotes or funny family tidbits that will brighten others day (when you have a 2 & 4 year old you never lack for funny stories to share)
4. Sharing my passion for the unborn, adoption, purity, marriage and purposeful parenting through posting articles, blogs or pictures that may make people begin to think differently.
Ok...I could go on & on but the "littles" need my attention. Wat a great idea for an article...I may just have to borrow it for my blog. :)
Let me end by sharing a message that I just received a few days ago from a facebook friend who I have not seen in years ---
"I just wanted to say thank you for all of your great inspirations everyday on here. You have help change my life and I want to say thank you and I am in such a great place now with God and my faith it has changed everything in my life thank you"
So yes I guess you can see why I am a facebook "fan". To God be the glory!
Posted by: Beth Lambdin | January 11, 2012 4:35 PM
Mostly, Facebook has been a plus in my life. I discovered it shortly after my 2nd child was born. Since I'm a stay at home mom who homeschools, it has often provided most of my social life and helped me find support from other mommies. I do have to be careful, though, to limit my time on Facebook. I could easily allow it to be an addiction, robbing me of time that is otherwise better spent with my children or my husband.
Posted by: Kristina | January 11, 2012 7:00 PM
I guess I'll be the first (perhaps the only) voice to disagree. I thought facebook was wonderful at first. Now, I am off facebook and I don't look back.
It can provide support. But more and more I was feeling a lack of support. For example, a fb friend of mine would post that she would be up all night with a sick child. She'd have all kinds of offers for help posted soon after. "Drop all those kids off at my house so you can get some sleep!" Sounds great, right?! Well, except that it left me painfully aware that I could post a similar comment and not get 1 offer of help from my friends or my family members on fb. (For whatever reason - too far away, most work, etc.)
Some things people post I just found disturbing to my inner peace. Like when family members, who I care about and love, post things in support of things completely contrary to the teachings of the Church. You know you can try to post nice little comments to nudge them in the right direction, but they aren't looking for that. Regardless, some of their fb friends would respond back MERCILESSLY. Goodness!
I will admit I am a sensitive person and take things to heart too much though.
This is not to say there weren't any positives. I did like reconnecting with some of my old school friends. That was nice, though admittedly many of them were rarely posting on fb anyway. Or when I needed info on nursing twins, for instance, a fb friend was able to connect me w/someone she knew who could help.
Posted by: Michelle | January 11, 2012 9:47 PM
I'm going to agree with Michelle on this one. FB is OK for finding old friends & distant family members. But I never thought of it as a place to get support. I consider it a billboard on the www - anything I post there is public. So many folks post such daily TRIVIA of their lives - I really don't care if you're stuck in traffic in another state and bored. I'm sorry but I can't help if you can't sleep tonight, so you're posting.
For support, I turn to my husband, family and close friends. The ones I can contact via phone, email, or in person and share details with.
Posted by: Debbie S | January 12, 2012 8:15 AM
Some of the fb is positive. I've made better connections with other Catholic women that I find very encouraging.
The bad side is that I had to defriend my brother and his wife because they were mortally offended that I thought they were wrong on an issue. They told me off in spades. I wasn't un-charitable when I posted to them.
I was having a polite discussion with their son (about the Wall Street protesters) but all heck broke loose when I said the horrible words, "___, I love you but I think you're wrong on this issue."
Who knew those words were so bad? Not me. I hear them all the time and don't take it personally.
Now my brother is starting to post on another family member's fb page in response to my posts. (We are both friends of this other family member so brother can see what I post).
I guess the problem is if people find out what you really believe, are they going to be ok with it? If not, you're going to run into problems and that's what happened to me.
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | January 12, 2012 9:30 AM
I actually like blogs better. Call me an old fuddy-duddy (I'm 51), but I think more thought goes into blog postings than what I often see on fb or twitter. And I value my privacy more than the ability to track down people I used to know. One recent incident that really soured my view was when my mother unexpectedly passed away. It was posted on fb before all of the immediate family knew. That was a harsh and impersonal jolt for some of the grandchildren.
Posted by: Kate J | January 12, 2012 11:06 AM
Sue, I had a similar situation. I had a family member disown my husband and me over something I "liked" on fb.
And fb does share so many things with and without your knowledge. So definitely forget privacy, which I value.
Posted by: Michelle | January 12, 2012 10:53 PM
I do not post for support on the main area of facebook. Things I need support for tend to be too personal for the impersonal nature of facebook. I belong to two private groups of mothers on facebook and I sometimes post there for support. Even that isn't common.
I find that the support I receive on facebook is shallow compared to someone talking to me face-to-face or over the phone. Unfortunately, people think that posting words is enough and then forget to pick up the phone or get in the car. When I had two miscarriages in the last year most of my friends found that posting, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Praying for you," was enough. I don't remember much of the specific words posted, but I do remember the phone calls and the visits from friends. If anything I think facebook made me feel more alone during those losses.
It also can have the effect of alienating people. I see pictures people post of their outings to the park with several other moms from Church--only I wasn't invited.
I'm also not a fan of the "facebook-as-bragbook" moms. I try very hard to not compare my children to others. But that's hard when I have one friend posting about her 4-year-old teaching herself to read and other friends posting about whatever new accomplishment their children have done.
It's a good way to know what is going on in the lives of far away family and friends (pregnancy announcements, etc), but I don't find it good for much else.
Posted by: Bree | January 13, 2012 12:07 PM
I find FB tips into the negative for me often. I am a SAHM, and so I do appreciate the social aspect of it and I have been encouraged through prayer and advice from other moms.
But I do find it unnatural the number of relationships you need to "keep up" via FB. It makes me feel overwhelmed--just knowing everyone's business and thoughts about everything.
I also find feel tempted to comment on every website or news article that people post that I disagree with. I get in arguments on FB much more often than in real life. If I don't comment on something, I often feel unsettled.
It is also difficult when other moms post about all the activities they are doing with their children. Due to my personality and circumstances, we stay home most of the time and don't do a lot of outside activities. It would be okay if it was one mom friend posting, but it's more like a dozen--so I see a dozen fancy activities that other mom's are doing with their kids and I feel like I'm not doing enough with mine.
Whether or not FB is an overall positive or negative I think depends a lot on a person's personality and how they tend to be tempted. For me, it's often difficult.
Posted by: Jamie | January 13, 2012 12:07 PM
