February 9, 2012 10:26 PM

Facebook parenting: for the rebellious teen

[Language alert]

Love,
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Posted in Teens and Tweens | Permalink

Comments

Whoa!

Posted by: Debbie | February 9, 2012 10:56 PM

That is hilarious! Good job, Dad!

Posted by: Rachel | February 10, 2012 1:28 AM

Wow. Hope Hannah someday appreciates the difficulty of parenting. Right now I'm guessing not...lol.

Posted by: Kelly | February 10, 2012 8:16 AM

Standing Ovation!!!!


BRAVO!

Posted by: LadyLovas | February 10, 2012 10:04 AM

While I understand the dad's anger, I don't think humiliating your child in front of the whole world will get her on your side. Ever. It will only feed her anger and hatred. He may have won the battle, but likely, he'll lose the war.

A gentle answer turns away wrath. This ain't gentle.

Posted by: Kim | February 10, 2012 10:27 AM

I agree with Kim. While I understand the dad's anger, (boy do I know), I think posting this on the internet is acting just as childish as his daughter. Having a teenage daughter myself, I know they say and do a lot of things out of irrational emotion that is felt at the time. That's one of the reason my daughter does not have facebook yet because I see no good coming out of her ability to post for the world to see what she's feeling at one moment in time. I know at that age I sure had plenty of rants against my parents in my diary. That dad should have let his own anger cool BEFORE making any decisions that could forever alter his relationship with his daughter. He's supposed to be the one acting with well thought out maturity in this situation.

On a another note, I think this daughter's anger has nothing to do with chores and everything to do with something else entirely. The dad mentioned a stepmom and a much younger sibling that wakes her up early. Sounds like dad started a whole new family. Like it or not, divorced kids are angry. Of course, they really aren't allowed to be angry because the divorce was for the best, etc.

I just think this was an epic fail. This is not how you mend broken relationships.

Posted by: Maggie | February 10, 2012 1:28 PM

Sounds like he was trying to teach a lesson not just to her, but to all of her little buddies online who thought it was cool and had been commenting on it. Apparently the message had been posted there for a long time before he found it.

It also appears it had happened once before, which he DID handle "in house," but she didn't learn her lesson. I guess he figured she had taken in public, so it was going to have to be dealt with publicly to teach her not to air this kind of stuff online unless she was prepared to be countered online.

I'm not sure if I would have handled it the same way, but I understand the "natural consequence" angle of it.

Posted by: Rachel | February 10, 2012 4:17 PM

What kills me here is the real lesson. Our children model what they see. His profanity was echoed in her post. His violent hissy fit was echoed in her post.

Now, he is her authority and she should respect him whether or not he is worthy of respect, as those are God's instructions. However, parents are cautioned by Scripture not to provoke their children. I see nothing good here at all.

Posted by: Julia | February 10, 2012 4:44 PM

Whether you agree with what the dad did, or not, you really ought to check out his facebook page. It's open to the public and he has some pretty reasonable and thoughful things to say about what he did and how people are responding, including the police and social services showing up today to investigate him.

http://www.facebook.com/tommyjordaniii

Posted by: April C. | February 10, 2012 4:52 PM

It also concerns me that this dad is into guns and keeps them around the house. I just hope that family doesn't become a news blurb someday. On the one hand, I'm glad he cares enough to try to straighten her out. On the other hand, he's setting the wrong tone and it could escalate into something far worse. Her anger plus his anger plus guns in the house equals scary scenario.

Posted by: Kim | February 10, 2012 5:15 PM

NOT the most mature way to handle it in my opinion, but I think he got his point across..

Posted by: j dan | February 10, 2012 8:10 PM

Oh my gosh, I think my head just exploded reading some of the comments.

1) There is nothing wrong with having guns in the house. To draw a conclusion that this girl will do something drastic just because she's angry and there's a gun in the house is REALLY REALLY REALLY stretching it.

2) The father did not provoke his daughter. She provoked him by posting (then deliberately hiding) something very ugly. I don't care how angry she was and there is a HUGE difference in posting in a private diary then hiding it under your mattress versus posting something very public in the hopes to illicit equally childish pats on the head while deliberately hiding it from your parents and church family.

3) The father curses, so what. It doesn't mean there is violence going on in the home or that this girl is abused. There are times when a well placed curse word, said in the right tone, *FINALLY* will get a child's attention when they've gone and pissed off their parent, ESPECIALLY when that child is 15 years old (NOT 3), disobeyed a huge warning for the second time and then tried to hide her actions.

4) Don't mock divorce. Yes, there are times when it's needed. Kids of divorced parents might be angry but this girls anger is clearly directed at her parents for making her do chores or having a "buggy" little sibling (gee, I'm not divorced and my oldest can get bugged by her younger siblings too-- wow, welcome to regular family life). Sounds like she has some growing issues and after reading the father's updated postings, it truly sounds as if she actually isn't a bad kid but rather made a stupid mistake and he's more than willing to walk her through it. As a father should! He used a gun on a stupid computer (that HE paid for), so what. How many parents have tossed something of their child's when a child abused it?

I wish more parents would parent in a similar fashion as this father. Meaning- stick up for your dang self, don't let your children walk all over you, and follow through on your discipline threats. Too many people try to befriend their kids... be a parent. Then when your kids are older, and obviously more mature, then the relationship can start to develop more into a friendship role (although the parent/child roles are still present).

Posted by: Dirtdartwife | February 11, 2012 11:11 AM

I'm 100% with Dirtdartwife. Well said.

Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | February 12, 2012 12:35 PM

Dirtdartwife, you can stick up for yourself without lowering yourself to their level of immaturity. I've raised 2 daughters and have 2 teens in my house right now and a daughter who is very teen-like at 11. I have acted like he did in the past, overreacting to my children at times, getting on their level, and it's only produced anger in them and division between us and long recoveries. I learned many hard lessons for the advice I give now. Btw, Scripture says that fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath, so I see his actions as going against what God would have had him do. How can you cheer such a thing on?

And as far as violence and guns in the house? I live in a part of the country where guns are often involved in family disputes. Often. It's always in the local news. So I don't buy your thinking.

I understand his anger. Believe me, I do. I've been there. But there are ways to deal with her behavior that would be just as painful without the violent tone, like taking away her Internet privileges at home (obviously, she could get online elsewhere), giving her a plain cell phone so she can't text or post on Facebook, delete her Facebook account. Btw, I think destroying her laptop was a good idea, although I don't think he needed to pulverize it with bullets. That was for him, not her. There are programs parents can install on their children's computers that limit their time online. We use one.

If she is so rebellious that nothing works, it might be time for her to move out on her own so she can get a dose of reality. We had to do that with one of our daughters and it was hard, really hard. We saw her life grow very difficult out on her own, but it humbled her. Sometimes, you can't fix them on your own and you need to turn them over to the Lord to deal with the way He knows they need. Parents' jobs aren't easy, but there's a way to parent and still keep peace as much as possible while letting them learn the hard lessons.

Dirtdartwife, you said:

Kids of divorced parents might be angry but this girls anger is clearly directed at her parents for making her do chores or having a "buggy" little sibling.

How do you know where her anger is from? There may be deeper issues there than anyone outside of the family can know. We can only presume; and let me tell you, presumption is often wrong.

Posted by: Kim | February 13, 2012 9:03 AM

Well, I like what he did. This wasn't the first time that his daughter had done stupid. He did take away her privileges before and warned her that the next time would be more severe. I'd say that he got her attention. She knows that he means it.

And as far as guns go? He made it a point to be outside by himself. In my opinion, he showed great restraint. He wasn't waving his gun at the camera. He wasn't making any kind of overtures at all that could possibly be considered threatening to her. To her computer, yeah.

There is nothing here at all that would indicate that the father is not reasonable. He addressed the points from the facebook post (his daughter wrote) and he reminded her of past transgressions and what her punishments were before.

He has now got her complete attention. Her focus is laser beamed onto what she did and what the consequences are. This was all about consequences.

Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | February 13, 2012 2:16 PM

Looks like some viewers called Child Protective Services on this father. They interviewed him and his daughter separately. (I have nothing good to say about those viewers. I'm trying really hard to be charitable about them. Not easy).

The police came out too. (Laugh!!) They gave him kudos for doing it!!!
Here's the link to the article:
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/news/local/youtube-dad-who-shot-daughters-laptop-gets-visit-a/nHbcR/

Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | February 13, 2012 5:38 PM

Sue, I do agree with you that those calling CPS went overboard. I didn't think that situation warranted it at all. My concern wasn't with the dad, but the daughter's anger toward her family and possible access to his guns. Hopefully, he keeps them in a gun safe like my father does.

I found this part of the story you linked to amusing:

Jordan's post also said if he had to do it again he would, "Not be smoking a cigarette ... not have used the word "ass" in my comment directed at my daughter ... would have worn my Silverbelly Stetson, not my Tilley hat if I'd known that image was going to follow me the rest of my life and I'd probably have cleaned my boots."

And this is nice. I hope she learns humility from this, takes the job, and moves on:

If there is a bright spot for Jordan's daughter, it appears she has at least one job offer from an ice cream shop in the town of Stanley. The offer was posted on YouTube Friday after Jordan's video went viral.

Posted by: Kim | February 14, 2012 9:37 AM

Kim, for God's sake have you read anything that he posted in response to this video?

I also find absolutely no need to defend myself, as that's clearly NOT what I was doing in my previous post. To draw that conclusion is actually quite humorous. I'll raise my brood in the way myself and their father see fit and to be honest, we feel absolutely no need to explain ourselves nor our techniques to anyone.

You seem to be stuck on the Scripture that tells parents to not provoke their children but yet fail to see the COMMAND for children to honor and obey their parents. Parents are to teach their children and if a child is too stubborn or proud to learn, well, the parent has every right to come to a conclusion they feel is best to get their attention. You kicked your kid out of the house. Guess what, someone might consider that abandonment. You made a choice in dealing with your child, again, what works for one family doesn't always work for another and to assume that your ways are right or will always work is assuming that others are too stupid to parent.

As for guns in the house...*sigh** He CLEARLY explained that NC CPS saw that he's in complete compliance with NC state law regarding guns in the home with minors. So since he's in compliance, the deputies, the police department and CPS have all validated this... YOUR opinion is moot, unwarranted and I guess you can now sleep better at night. It's horrible that you live in a place where people would use guns in family disputes. Sounds like you should go talk to your neighbors, eh? Maybe they could benefit from your illuminating parenting skills. :)

This girl isn't some drugged out, raging against the machine, violent, psychotic girl. This father isn't some drugged out, raging against the machine, violent man. To draw either conclusion is just plain stupid and to assume this girl is SOOOOOOO angry and SOOOOO violent that she'd use a gun against her father is just... uggg... I can't even describe my contempt at such an accusation! That's like saying because I have freakin' cold medication in my house that my children will suddenly, without warning, turn into drug addicts.

I'm not the one that brought up alleged anger issues in divorced kids. Someone else did and I wanted to point out that while none of us know the "root" of this girl's anger issues, for all intents and purposes, it appears it stems from her pissy attitude about having to do chores around the house, not from something deeper. That's not presumption, it's called observation.

So just to recap:
1) I don't care about anyone's opinion of mine and my husband's parenting skills, ergo nothing to defend. (We also have more children than you so while I respectfully read your "advice" (agree/disagree is moot), I'd expect the same respect in understand that my husband and I aren't all exactly "flying blind" like you'd like to assume)

2) Guns in the house does not make a family violent. 8 minutes of an unique, albeit working, parenting technique doesn't illuminate deep family problems that warrant presumptuous attacks on the intelligence of said family.

3) Divorce and anger don't always go hand in hand when it comes to petulant teens. Not dismissing either but there are times when a teen needs to be held accountable for their own anger and not find a convenient excuse on which to blame it.

Kim, feel free to disagree about parenting, but don't put yourself on a high horse as if you're better than those of us that use differentiating parenting techniques. Pride goeth before the fall, kwim?

Posted by: Dirtdartwife | February 14, 2012 10:58 AM

I'm sorry, I haven't had time to read these comments thoroughly.

I have to say, I'm very surprised at the seriously negative reaction on behalf of some people.

As a person who tends to be too serious and sincere, I admire families who handle things with more humor than I might. I've known families like that. And when I saw this video, I assumed the best of those involved and thought it would be a teachable moment that would change the family for the better - with humor.

I want everyone to know that after years of being anti-gun I realized how stupid my position had been. We have had guns in our house for at least 12 years. I have taken shooting lessons and I sleep with a gun nearby when Tripp is out of town.

To my mind, a gun can level the playing field for any woman and is a skill that is well worth having. Guns are good. Criminals are bad.

Posted by: Barbara Curtis | February 14, 2012 1:38 PM

Dirtdartwife, you can stick up for yourself without lowering yourself to their level of immaturity. I

DDW, my apologies if you thought I was referring to you when I said this! I was speaking in generalities, but I can see why you would take it that way. I'm horrified that it sounds that way! It was not my intention! No wonder you were angry with me. Please forgive my carelessness in phrasing things. I have blind spots and miss things like this sometimes.

Honestly, I should've kept my thoughts to myself and my mouth shut. I shouldn't have stirred things up. I really didn't realize I would get the reaction I did. I still have a lot to learn.

Thank you for pointing my faults out to me. As painful as it is I am thankful for your honesty.

I will bow out of this conversation now and say no more.

God's blessings on you all.

Posted by: Kim | February 14, 2012 10:37 PM

Kim, no harm no foul. :) I appreciate your honesty but most of all, I do appreciate your perspective. {{hugs}} God bless you and your family!

Posted by: Dirtdartwife | February 15, 2012 4:27 PM

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