July 18, 2012 7:42 PM
Home, healing, and hopeI came home late Monday and have settled in to a hospital bed in what we call the music room - a parlor with our piano and baskets of sheet music. We have no bedrooms on the first floor and stairs are pretty difficult right now - though not impossible and I bumped myself upstairs on my bottom today to take a shower.
I'm really grateful for this beautiful place to heal. Across the room from the piano is a cozy red couch I bought last year at Goodwill. My bed is in the middle of the room facing a bay window which looks out on a lot of trees - typical Virginia tall, unmanicured trees like the ones that fall over during storms. We haven't had any storms since I've been home, but believe me, I will have my bed rolled out in the foyer when we do :)
In the meantime, I have enjoyed watching woodpeckers and squirrels doing what they've been doing since long before we moved into this house a year ago - but certainly never took much time to notice. I am on a different timetable now. I will be starting to write my new book Friday, but have taken the last couple days to settle in. Everything I do - the bathroom, a shower - takes so long to accomplish. I am using a walker at home as my leg is not yet ready for weight-bearing.
I am still in considerable pain from the mass in my abdomen, which I am told may take a month to dissipate. There's nothing that can be done to hurry the process - just as there's nothing to help heal a bruise. Movement helps. but my movement is limited. Yesterday a PT came and showed me some simple things I can do - like leg lifts in bed - and I can take a couple of walks around the downstairs part of the house.
They did plant a filter in my femoral artery to catch any breakaway clots. I'm supposed to go back on the blood thinners at some point because of the DVT in my left leg which resulted from the break and the aftermath. But that's on hold until the hematoma is gone.
As you can see, I have gotten back to what I love to do: communication. I am lying in bed with my leg elevated and a laptop on a pillow on my stomach, but it does take me longer than sitting at my desk with my ergonomic keyboard and mouse. I've never really replaced the traditional setup with a laptop and am using Jonny's right now. Tomorrow, Matt will bring my whole computer setup in here and we will configure a way that I can do some major writing (45,000 words in 45 days) from this not-so-comfortable position.
In the meantime, I have posted a few things here and more at facebook and enjoyed times when my kids come in to talk. I'm not a TV fan and have a hard time finding anything I want to watch. But Justin (who is 12 and has Down syndrome) is just making the transition from reading programs at school to being able to pick up early readers at home and read, so I am enjoying him reading to me.
Matt and Maddy are keeping up with the house and laundry. Obdulia - my housekeeper and friend who cleans my house when I can afford it - came today for the first time since before Sophia's wedding two months ago. We've known each other for eight years and it's hard to believe how much she has been through with our family. She brought me roses and I cried because she is such a sweetheart.
A couple of moms - one with 8 kids, one with 9 - have brought dinners. So ironic how some with the most responsibility are the first to take on more. God bless them!
I have a list of people to call - including a few close friends I intended to see while in California: Kim, Robin, Gloria. Maybe tomorrow after I see the doctor in the morning.
My adult children have all been checking in and I have all the time in the world to talk. I am a blessed woman.
Someone suggested that I may be a spiritual target. After all, I was on a pilgrimage to see the California Mission Trail and write about it for a Catholic magazine, wanting to illuminate a piece of Catholic history and interest others in seeing the sacred sites I had only begun to see. Then there was the fact that I had just signed a book contract to share - now farther into my parenting journey than I was with my last two books six years ago.
One hesitates to make this kind of claim as it does sound presumptuous. I don't see myself as that important to attract this kind of attention from the Enemy. But when my friend said it, I couldn't deny that it may very well be true. And so, I'd like to ask those of you who feel connected to me to consider becoming part of a private prayer team. If you email me, I will put together an email group (bcc) and just send you a brief message now and then when I need a little prayer support. Asking this in all humility. . .
Also, my heart is burdened for my husband. In addition to this unexpected ordeal with me. the company Tripp has so enjoyed working for seems to be going through death throes and he will probably be back to driving a school bus soon. While I don't mind the drop in income - which will be offset by the lack of stress - I'm worried about Maddy's tuition. Another prayer need.
I guess the best thing I can say is that I am truly living moment to moment. Resting. Not questioning God, but praying for His will to be accomplished in His time on His terms.
Love you and glad to be back, even if not full force :)
I will certainly be a prayer warrior for you! Thanks for the update....I've been wondering about you and hoping everything was okay.
Posted by: Wendy Wagner | July 18, 2012 9:31 PM
Barbara, I too would love to help you, but don't even know where to begin. Please email me if there is anything I can help out with. We have kids of all ages and would love to spend the day/afternoon helping you out if possible. email me to let me know. otherwise, please add me to your prayer chain. God Bless!!
Posted by: Maura | July 18, 2012 10:29 PM
Barbara, count me in as a prayer warrior. Id love to be trusted with your specific prayer request to bring before the throne. Id count it a priveledge. Take care and try to enjoy the slower pace. April
Posted by: april yates | July 18, 2012 10:55 PM
Barb! I will be praying for you tonight! I was taking care of parents for a few weeks and have been catching up on your blog....I can't believe all that has happened. love you
Posted by: Eileen | July 19, 2012 12:00 AM
So glad to know you are home. It may not be the usual writers' retreat but your "book birthing" space sounds lovely!
Posted by: Heather | July 19, 2012 12:05 AM
I would be more than happy to be on your prayer team. I have been praying for you since Maddy first posted on Facebook about your fall.
You know the target aspect of everything you are going through does make sense. Wow, I had not even considered it, but wow! Oh well, the devil can't stop us from praying!
Posted by: Heather P | July 19, 2012 2:55 AM
Dear Barbara - Noticed the Facebook posts and figured you were back to being semifunctional & glad to see this blogpost to bring us all up to date. I'm sure this down-time will be fruitful. Please know I've been praying for you and will continue to pray. You are truly a big enough target to attract attack! God love you as you carry on.
Posted by: dottie | July 19, 2012 5:37 AM
You have been, & continue to be, an inspiration and source of wisdom for me on my spiritual journey, Barbara! I will be a prayer warrior for you. Pax!
Posted by: Amy F | July 19, 2012 11:49 AM
Barbara, You and your family are in my prayers every day. I could not believe the obstacles put in front of you recently. I do understand though and know that all you can do is hang on to God's Hand. He does get you through all that seems to be too much and as you know you will come out the other side a richer and stronger person.
Posted by: Julie V. | July 19, 2012 12:01 PM
So good to hear this update. You have been on my mind and in my heart since the accident... would love to be on your prayer team! Looking forward to the new book, too.
Posted by: Kate J | July 19, 2012 12:50 PM
I will continue to remember you and your dear family in my prayers.
We have two in college, soon to be three. I know the feeling!
Happy that you are back at home! What a relief that part must be.
Posted by: Kelly | July 22, 2012 2:05 PM
Just got a chance to catch up with you, please add me to your prayer list. It'd be a honor.
Posted by: Amy | July 28, 2012 8:22 PM