December 30, 2012 2:26 AM

Ghost in this House.....

I don't pick up the mail
I don't pick up the phone
I don't answer the door
I'd just as soon be alone
I don't keep this place up
I just keep the lights down
I don't live in these rooms
I just rattle around

I'm just a ghost in this house
I'm just a shadow upon these walls
As quietly as a mouse I haunt these halls
I'm just a whisper of smoke
I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire
That once burned out of control
You took my body and soul
I'm just a ghost in this house

I don't care if it rains
I don't care if it's clear
I don't mind staying in
There's another ghost here
She sits down in your chair
And she shines with your light
And she lays down her head
On your pillow at night

I'm just a ghost in this house
I'm just a shadow upon these walls
I'm living proof of the damage
Heartbreak does
I'm just a whisper of smoke
I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire
That once burned out of control
And took my body and soul
I'm just a ghost in this house
Oh, I'm just a ghost in this house....

This song speaks what I feel right now, but the reality is that it was always about more than the two of us...despite what my romantic heart tells me. God brought us together to bring about change for her children, our children, our adopted children, and their future. God brought us together to change history for our family....which in reality is His family.
Thank you Father for allowing us to have her as long as you did... Please allow me the grace and strength to go through this time... Father I miss her so!
Loving her still and loving you...
Papa Tripp

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God bless you, Tripp. It's so difficult to keep an eternal and generational perspective in the dark tunnels of grief. Even the knowledge that this separation is temporary does not take away the pain in the here and now.

I used to wonder why Jesus wept for Lazarus when he knew that he would be raised from the dead soon. Now I understand. We do not grieve as those with no hope, but grief is still a long, painful road.

When grief threatens to overwhelm me I sometimes take comfort in reading C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed," or Randy Alcorn's "Heaven." One reminds me that the road I'm walking is normal (I'm not not losing my faith or going crazy), and the second reminds me of the hope we look forward to, which my loved one currently enjoys.

May the Father shelter you under His wings and continue to hold you in His grip as you learn to walk this new road.

Posted by: Rachel | December 30, 2012 5:45 PM

may God walk before you during this time. i can't imagine the hole Barbara's absences has left in your family . your right in knowing the greater purpose she served. i just left a message about the roll god ordained she play in my life on her Facebook page last night. take care of each other .

Posted by: April | December 31, 2012 8:55 AM

Tripp, Remembering you in our prayers. Thanks for posting; it helps console me in my simple missing Barbara. I cannot imagine the depths of your grief, but I'm confident for you that God is right there with you every second.God bless you.

Posted by: Karen | December 31, 2012 4:00 PM

Praying now for you, Tripp.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.


Posted by: Kathy | December 31, 2012 6:24 PM

I'm glad you're posting here, sharing your journey. I miss Barbara so much. I can't begin to imagine how much you miss her.

She made such a difference in the world and so have you. I'm so grateful.

Posted by: Melodee | January 1, 2013 4:13 AM

i wish i had words that would help console you, but i don't beyond the fact that i will pray for you.

Posted by: Dirtdartwife | January 1, 2013 12:46 PM

Papa Tripp,

Over the past weeks have been asking the Spirit to give you all you need ~ strength to mourn; comfort; light in your darkness. You and your family continue to fill my thoughts and my heart and I run to the Lord in prayer for you.

Was looking out the window today and seeing a bit of sunlight hitting the tops of the trees...was asking the Lord to warm your heart ~ as it must be aching more than I can imagine ~ with His love ~ with His words of nearness and peace.

Continue to grieve for you all....especially you. I really can't tell you what a gift it is that you continue to share. Thank you, thank you!!!

Christ's Peace Upon You,
Jenny Fitzgerald

Posted by: Jenny Fitzgerald | January 2, 2013 12:41 AM

I cannot read this blog without crying my heart out every time. Heaven is sounding dearer and dearer each day. In 2012 we lost my father-in-law and a dear young cousin. Then dear Barbara is called away home as well. Thank you for sharing your grief with us and the journey God has brought you through. Hope you know how much hope it gives me. Hugs to you, and the boys, and to your whole family. Praying for you all.

Posted by: Debbie | January 2, 2013 9:42 PM

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