January 10, 2013 8:08 PM
Day 72.....Rolling into the mountains of Tennessee at sunset....1/8/13
"My tears are the words with which I tell God of my pain."
Our lives go on through my tears. Responsibilities clamor for attention. The hearts of children and family need to be comforted. Friends need to be consoled. Planning for present and future is constant. The roles of father and mother need blending to achieve balance and meet family needs....and yet in spite of all the needs, the pain is always there. Like the truth Marius sings of in Les Miserables when his friends are dead and he is left...."There's a grief that can't be spoken....there's a pain that goes on and on."
Our old dear friend Sandy has written to me a couple of times now saying of God and Barbara dying, "Lord, what were you thinking?" I don't know what He was thinking either, but through all this pain, He has walked with me each step.
Henri Nouwen said in Bread for the Journey, "When we lose someone we have loved deeply, we are left with a grief that can paralyze us emotionally...When they die a part of us dies too." Having been together for over thirty years never going a day without speaking to each other, sharing everything, knowing each others strengths and weaknesses, agreeing on all the big things, arguing over the stupid ones, knowing the same emotions as we experienced our life together, becoming one flesh, raising all these children, encouraging the grandchildren, and looking forward to the future where we might get to travel together I can't help but feel that part of me is gone. And yet as always through my life, even when I didn't know Him, but He knew me.....in my weakness and brokenness I am made whole and given the strength to carry on.
Took the picture above as I was running a mission into Tennessee the other night wanting to share what I was seeing with my babe. Whenever either of us would travel we'd spend a lot of time on the phone either talking to each other or our children...(mostly each other.) The sights she's seeing now are probably spectacular beyond belief. God just gives us tastes of the beauty in store for us topside. But, I sure wish she had been there for me to talk to....
Man knows not his time...so be true and cherish each other and the times you have.
In His grip,
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i keep putting my husband in your shoes and i can't imagine your difficulty . i am sure family and god is your strength . take care of each other and yourself .
praying for you from the laundry room,
Posted by: April | January 11, 2013 9:53 AM
I continue to pray for you and yours.
Posted by: Judy | January 11, 2013 11:02 AM
I just went through some of Barbara's books and I cherish her signature and message on the inside covers. In our new house I made the laundry room my favorite room, just in honor of Barbara. I continue to pray for you all Tripp.
Posted by: Imajackson | January 11, 2013 12:16 PM
That's a beautiful picture, Tripp.
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | January 11, 2013 3:36 PM
You lift me up through your suffering trip...you are an good soul....I am praying for so much for all of you
Posted by: Eileen | January 11, 2013 5:28 PM
I continue to pray for you and the children. It's one thing to bite off more than you can chew and chew it (as you've both said many times!), but now you have to chew it alone. When I think on your family, I honestly too sometimes wonder what the Lord was thinking. But, "who has known the mind of the LORD or offered him any counsel?" and "Your ways are not my ways, says the LORD". And the Lord is good and true.
Barbara used to say that in hard times, she just "did the next thing". I think it came from Elizabeth Elliot? But I clung to that during my valley of the shadow of death, and still do at times. I just kept doing the next thing, step after step, until the pain ... was there...but didn't threaten to overwhelm me every second.
Prayers and love in Christ.
Posted by: Jill | January 12, 2013 5:09 PM