May 17, 2013 12:09 AM
Opening our hearts.....
As you can see Mother's Day was a hard one for us as I had forecast. On a day where we had always gathered together as a family, we were fragmented....Other children had gone earlier to her graveside and I came later....Daniel had said he wanted to go, but when we got there he lost it and just Jonny, Jesse, Justin and myself went up on the ridge where Barbara's grave is.....Though it has been six months, the grief is still fresh and actually more real....especially since now we all realize more fully the reality of the loss that death brings.
We have learned some things as a family over this stretch of ground..... We know it is important to be honest about our pain. It is okay for us to express our lamentations and complaints to God with frankness and honesty...just like David did in the Psalms and Job did....I've learned that as Dr. Paul D. Tripp says, "Grief blocks my ability to see God, but I shouldn't conclude He is absent." Just because we are in the darkness of grief doesn't mean the Son isn't shining.... We've learned to not just look at our life horizontally-----but to look upward... To look at our suffering from His perspective and to understand that each day we are harvesting what we've sown ourselves before...
Jesus told us in the Gospel of John that "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Our time here is short, and we have all been told that grief is not forever...but to receive Our Father's comfort, we need to allow Him to come alongside and shepherd us to Hope.....sometimes that path is dark, treacherous, and filled with sadness.
Something to share with you from Barbara.....She was always
asking me to put music on her mp3 player. On her last trip before she died she
asked me to put this on for her journey , which I never listened to until after
she died....but listening to it now is what she was saying to all of us.... "I want you so much to open your eyes....cause I need to look into mine..."
In His grip,
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Continuing to pray for you and your family.
Posted by: Deborah | May 17, 2013 1:05 AM
Tripp, thank you for being willing to open yourself up to us and to share. I've wrote this many times since last November, but I'll tell you again--know that I think of you (and all the Curtis') often each day and pray for you all. I'm praying now for your strength and for those sweet boys peace and understanding.
And I miss her, too!!! Really, really miss her.
With much love and continual prayers.....
Posted by: von | May 17, 2013 7:44 AM
Thank you for continuing to share. I think of and lift your family in prayer. You are blessing others by sharing your pain as you demonstrate how to cling to the Father and rest in His grip.
Posted by: Jennifer | May 18, 2013 9:32 PM
From the website of Dallas Willard, who very recently passed away:
There is nothing that can replace
the absence of someone dear to us,
and one should not even attempt to do so.
One must simply hold out and endure it.
At first that sounds very hard,
but at the same time it is also a great comfort.
For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled
one remains connected to the other person through it.
It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness.
God in no way fills it but much more
leaves it precisely unfilled
and thus helps us preserve — even in pain —
the authentic relationship.
the more beautiful and full the remembrances,
the more difficult the separation.
But gratitude transforms
the torment of memory into silent joy.
One bears what was lovely in the past
not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within,
a hidden treasure
of which one can always be certain.
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I am so sorry for the boys.
Posted by: Julana | May 19, 2013 12:52 PM
You and your precious kids minister to my heart-truly. As you walk through this painful loss you still have an amazing faith. Thanks you for letting God work through you.
This picture speaks so many many words to me.
Posted by: Eileen | May 19, 2013 4:30 PM
Thank you, Tripp. My heart is too full to write except to express thanks.
I miss her, too.
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | May 19, 2013 9:13 PM