July 29, 2013 9:59 PM
Nine months later....Time the Revelator Pt. III....
Through the process of time in these last nine months more revelations have come to light....God is trustworthy.....my feelings are not. Even though it may seem like family and friends leave you behind, that loneliness is your only companion, and that your hopes and dreams have died ......I am not alone...As difficult as this is for me to understand, our lives are in the hands of God. All of my feelings of being responsible in Barbara's death for all the things I should have or could have done.... are saying that Our God is not in control. Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." In my complaining to God about our circumstances, I've realized that it is more important to listen to what He has to say to me, than for me to be talking to Him about things that I will never understand this side of Heaven...
Truthfully, even though it has been nine months....I am still mourning.....not just for the hopes and dreams we had for the future...but for the loss of our children and grand children's memories that Barbara's countenance and heart will not physically embrace as their lives unfold. It is a deep wounding....but one our Father through the process of time is healing...
In His grip,
Posted in | Permalink
Still remembering Barbara and holding you all in prayer.
Posted by: Thia | July 30, 2013 7:52 AM
Although, I haven't lost my spouse I am going through intense changes in my life, with my only 2 homeschooled children coming of age, family & friends at a distance, health struggles, and trying to accept God's role in my life and his plan.
During the month of July a mother robin raised her family on my front porch as my 2nd child turned 18... the timing couldn't have been more perfect as one baby struggled to leave the nest, momma robin would fly back and squack at the young robin to move on it was still on question but soon made the flight. As the baby extended its wings the last piece of fluffy down it came into this world with fell to the ground. Amazingly the mother doesn't end her job at the nest as they all perched in the same tree for a while as she gave them the tools they would need to survive.
I guess this is my role now... although I still struggle with a sadness my journey is just changing and could never compare with the grief that you endure each day with Barbara's loss. My grief is the changing of my roll in life and somehow I see myself as that young robin not ready for too many changes but we all must somehow continue in the journey...
God bless you for sharing your journey Pappa Tripp, it has truly touched the deepest part of my heart.
Posted by: Therese Garcia | July 30, 2013 8:08 AM
Love the photo of the four still in your nest!
Tripp, though I've never experienced what you are, I think it quite appropriate that you are still grieving, mourning, even asking "why". But as you well know, God is a loving understanding Father and is still present.
I miss her, too. With tears as I type this, I tell you that not a day goes by that I don't think of her, miss her, and am so thankful to have known her and called her friend. As you, I know I'll see her again.
Stay strong in The Lord (in our weakness, He is strong) and carry on Barbara's memory for your family.
Posted by: von | July 30, 2013 9:51 AM
Keeping you and your family in prayer daily. I am not surprised that you are still mourning her loss, I would be surprised if you weren't. I would think it would take a lot longer to come to terms with a totally different life, but you seem to be making great strides and trusting in Him. I, almost a stranger, still think of Barbara frequently, especially when confronted with a problem with one of my children, or after hearing something on the news. It is only natural to miss such a big presence. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Posted by: Danielle M. | July 30, 2013 8:05 PM
I think of Barbara often, especially in my laundry room. :)
Nine months is such a short time to mourn someone you loved for so long. (Though I imagine some days are quite long.)
Praying for God's continued strength and comfort for you and your family.
Posted by: Lexie | July 31, 2013 5:11 AM
Thank you, Tripp. Your words always stay stuck in my head and the pictures of your boys stay stuck in my heart. These help me stay the path....hang in there friend!
Posted by: Eileen | July 31, 2013 2:07 PM
I echo the comments above. It is such a short time and yet it must feel like it is forever. My Mom died a little over 2 years ago and still, I mourn her. My Dad, a little over 3 years ago and I still I mourn. It gets easier day by day but, you know, I still have moments when I can break down.
I am a church organist and I include Barbara in every mass that I offer up. She is on my list.
We don't always post (well...I guess that I don't always post) but I still check in to see how you and the boys are doing. I think of Barbara with all of these changes going on in our country and I wonder what she would have said. Her insights were so spot on. She was (and is) an amazing woman.
I'm praying for you, Tripp. Even when we aren't physically there...we're there in spirit.
(big hugs, my friend).
Sue from Buffalo
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | August 5, 2013 8:17 PM
Thank you for sharing the photo of your boys . . . and your birds. How wonderful for you to see the connection between the two. I really enjoy reading your posts about Barbara and your family. Please keep posting.
Posted by: Marie | August 6, 2013 1:06 PM
I always appreciate your posts, and they minister to my own heart. I hope you know that your authenticity is helping others.
I also miss Barbara...Hang in there and let the Lord continue to speak to you...
Just as a side note...My maternal grandmother passed away a few years before I was born. I never knew her, and have been sad about that... I must say, though that her memories live on in others who have taught me who she was and what she believed. Barbara can still have an influence on your future grandchildren. There is plenty of her that lives on in her writings and in her children.
Many blessings to your lovely family...
Posted by: Lisa | August 7, 2013 8:08 PM
Tripp, I don't know if you've seen this, you probably already have, but if you google "Forte" and it's on an "America's Got Talent" episode. It's three guys that came together to sing a powerful song. During it, I hear the Latin "Dona eis requiem" which means "Give us rest.". I was thinking of so many other things but then as the clip on youtube winds down, I hear the song Halleluiah, and I think of Maddy. which made me remember how Barbara was with her during her American Idol tryouts. My young girls saw this on TV and from there, my second daughter has REALLY blossomed in singing because of Maddy. I sit here trying to not cry and only hope and pray I can be as strong as Barbara as a mother. Barbara gave so many of us hope, encouragement and a perspective on HOW to trust God. Thank you for all you do, not only with your boys but for also keeping up with the blog. Barbara was blessed to have you by her side.
Posted by: Dirtdartwife | August 13, 2013 12:06 AM
I am still praying for you and your family.Still missing Barbara.Still coming to read and learn along this journey.Still and always amazed at your love ,passion and spirit of honesty."that loneliness is your only companion and that your hopes and dreams have died"I understand that so well.I also know like you we are not alone but feelings are a hard foe to fight.
JUST PRAYING AND BELIEVING FOR PEACE.
Posted by: melita | August 15, 2013 5:03 AM
Prayers for you and the boys.
Posted by: Elissa | August 21, 2013 7:04 PM
I've had you guys on my mind a lot lately......missing Barbara.....praying for you and the boys.......hope you're finding peace and joy in the memories, and hope in seeing her again.
Posted by: von | August 26, 2013 12:35 AM
I am new to this site. I stayed up late last night reading Barbara's Catholic conversion posts. I am a mom of 6 boys, my youngest who is six months has Down syndrome. I will be coming back here to read from this woman who so obviously was close to God. Just as she spoke about the Saints and how they guide us, she is helping others with her humble, faith filled words in this life. My heart goes out to you. None of my children ever met my mom, she lives for them in my stories of her. They all look forward to meeting her some day in heaven. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. The photo of the four boys home with you is just awesome. Warmly, Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | August 27, 2013 10:25 AM
Tripp, still praying for you and family. I miss Barbara so much, and I never met her. I read her blog for years on a daily basis.
Do you still benefit from he Amazon link? I'm taking the chance and ordering anyway. Hope it helps.
-Sara in Georia
Posted by: Sara | September 9, 2013 7:42 PM
Thank you Sara for your prayers....Yes, we still benefit from the Amazon link and really appreciate kind folks like you that still use it. We are going through rough times financially. Peace be with you and yours.....Papa Tripp
Posted by: Barbara | September 10, 2013 9:57 AM
Thinking of Barbara today! Praying for you all! Hoping you have peace in your hearts!
Love Linda in Dublin
Posted by: Linda McBride | October 14, 2013 4:36 AM
... thinking of Barbara & all of you
Posted by: Melanie | October 23, 2013 1:13 PM
Thinking of you. God be with your family as you near the end of the first year since Barbara passed away. Hope you're doing ok.
Posted by: Julana | October 25, 2013 10:03 PM
Praying for you all this week.
Posted by: thia7278 | October 27, 2013 5:51 PM
Keeping you in our prayers, here, too. God bless you all.
Posted by: Karen | October 28, 2013 9:04 AM
I hope and pray that you and your beautiful family are healthy and doing well. Please let us know if you need anything. You are all especially in my prayers at her 1-year anniversary and All Soul's Day on Saturday, too. God love you. Stay strong. God is good. +JMJ
Posted by: Connie | October 28, 2013 4:40 PM