May 1, 2014 11:54 AM
18 Months- Day 547 minus Barbara...
When Barbara died I found a book on Southern etiquette because
I wanted to find out what a gentleman like Rhett Butler would have done in my
place. I found out that a widower wears black for a year before switching to
less solemn attire in order to honor his wife.
I realized that was something that I really wanted to do---for truly hers
was life worth mourning and honoring.
Most of you, my friends and family, know by now that this Life is difficult and that trouble will find you even if it's not of your own making.....certainly death and loss constitute trouble that we usually are not prepared for. These past months have been a waiting period of my life that has been very painful, but where I have learned much about myself and the human condition. I like what Dr. Paul David Tripp says about this, "The Biblical view is that waiting is not so much about when I will get what I'm waiting for, but what I will become as I wait.
During this time, these are a few of the truths I've learned:
I can't change circumstances, but I can in how I respond to them. When I live like that, no trial or sorrow is wasted.
Every day I'm harvesting what I've sown before. If I don't like what I'm reaping, I need to plant new seeds.
I have a better grasp of what's important, and consequently have become more selective in what I value.
My interpretation is how I view life. It's important to examine my motivations.
God doesn't move parked cars.
I'm okay by myself. I don't need another person to exist.
Be careful not to let my past govern my future. Barbara is a memory and she always will be one that I honor and cherish. But she does not govern my future.
Time here is short-----grief is not forever.
It's not just grief I'm dealing with. I'm dealing with me.
Time doesn't heal all wounds-----and with those that heal, you will probably have scars.
It will be a challenge for me tomorrow to not wear my "mourning blacks," but one I know it is time for me to face. Thank you all for your prayers and support for truly I could not have travelled through this Valley without my Heavenly Father and all of you.
In His grip,
Posted in | Permalink
I am so relieved to see the blog back up. It was down when I last checked, and I feared that I would never hear from your family again.
Praying for you as always.
Posted by: Lauren | May 1, 2014 5:08 PM
oh Tripp, it is so very good to hear from you. I think of Barbara--and you and the boys, too--more often than I can count. every time I miss her, I know that the Curtis family misses her even more and I offer up a prayer for peace and comfort for you all.
Thank you for continuing to keep the site up. Barbara left a wealth of information for us all......her legacy lives on through your generations and through her wisdom and counsel to us all.
love & blessings to you all.....
Posted by: von | May 1, 2014 11:46 PM
Tripp, thank you for sharing. I am submitting Mass intentions and thought of Barbara for Mother's Day. She will be included.
As you've said before: Time does not heal wounds. God heals wounds.
In the course of human history, widows/widowers went on to remarry. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless +JMJ
PS - Very nice of you to post on the Feast of St. Joseph! Barbara loved to share how you cared for your family as St. Joseph cared for the Holy Family.
Posted by: Con Junior | May 2, 2014 3:01 PM
Thats amazing! Only this morning as I hung the laundry/ washing on the outside line I was thinking of Barbara and about how she talked about meeting God in the daily routine task of family life!
I often think of you and Barbara and your children.
I have a small book that I keep saying and things that I come across that resonate with me. This one came to my mind when I read your post..... I'd like to share this with you.....
This is an extract from a book called Now is the Time, author Sr Stanislaus Kennedy ( page 15)
Nor Hall, the American feminist and poet, said
" Letting things come of there own accord, or grow in there own time, often looks and feels like complete stagnation. but angels come out of those depths".
Waiting is not passive: if we choose to wait in a lost space, with our insecurities and our uncertainties, knowing that the time is not yet right for us, it is in fact a very active thing.
This waiting place, the land of no where, is actually the land of growth; when we feel that nothing is happening, that we are just roaming around inside ourselves, that is the time when something very important may be changing within us"
Its wonderful to read your post! Do everything it in your own time Tipp!
Love to you! Linda ( Dublin, Ireland)
Posted by: Linda McBride | May 2, 2014 4:40 PM
I only knew Barbara through her writings and I only know you and your family through your writings. You are in my daily prayers. I grew up with two uncles who had developmental challenge. One had a severe brain injury and the other one probably had Downs Syndrome. They were a great gift to our family. My cousins and I learned empathy, compassion, and patience through our two uncles.
Grief is difficult but you can (and seem to be) conquer it.
Posted by: Pat | May 3, 2014 9:18 PM
I like what you've become ~ thanks for sharing that with us in little pieces. You have our loyalty, prayers and gratitude always.
Posted by: Tiffany | May 3, 2014 10:15 PM
Hello, Papa Tripp....
You have not been forgotten! Thank you for taking the time to share again with us. I know that God is taking you on a new and different journey, one that you would not have planned or expected, but I, for one, appreciate your insights along the way and you, your boys and extended family are in my prayers. I still have an ache in my heart for your loss,(and I can only imagine what you must feel like) but have that great comfort that soon there will be no more sorrow or tears or grief, just uncontainable joy when we see our King face-to-face, as I believe, time is short! May you be abundantly blessed this day and sense the Lord's nearness in a new way.....With love and prayers....Debbie K.
Posted by: Debbie Kierstead | May 4, 2014 12:46 AM
I come here often and think of all of you nearly daily.you will forever be in my prayers just as the things Barbra taught me over her time here on earth will forever be appreciated.
Posted by: melita | May 6, 2014 7:27 AM
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on being a widower. Would love to read a post about the four boys.
Posted by: Marie | May 6, 2014 4:48 PM
Wow. Thank you for sharing with us, Tripp. You and your family are still in my prayers. I love what you write.
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | May 8, 2014 10:26 AM
Like others, I think of Mrs. C, you and the children often. I check in every once in awhile but after the post of Mrs. C as a child smiling at the sun, well, that post and picture had me crying for days. I found it hard to check in. When I first found Mrs C I argued with her a lot. But her grace and love was the one of many that God has used to transition my heart. I'm so thankful for her!
I can not imagine how much you all must miss her considering I miss her so much and I'm not apart of her family. She certainly was a kindred soul of sorts.
I'm so glad you posted. I know we have no rights to the Curtis family so it is appreciated to hear how you all are doing. I personally miss seeing the little ones smiling faces. Much love to each and every one of you.
Posted by: Ouida Gabriel | May 17, 2014 11:15 PM
It is really good to hear from you Tripp. I check back periodically to check in and see how you are an your family.
Thank you for sharing your valuable suffering. I really mean that. It helps me in my walk. My Mom has suffered since 2002, continues to greatly, and the graces she has brought upon our family keep me drawing closer to our merciful God and in awe at times.
Posted by: Eileen | May 22, 2014 10:13 AM
Thank you SO much for sharing your update, and for ministering to our lives through yours! Barbara meant so much to me, and I think of your family often...Please know that I am still praying for all of you... I have shared a bit of this before, but I wanted to let you know that we share something in common. Tommorow is memorial day. I know that it was also Barbara's birthday.
My family and I lost a precious baby 2 years ago on Barbara's last birthday. This child was barely into the 2nd trimester. We lost another one later that year, at about the same point in the pregnancy. It was just a few weeks before Barbara's own passing, and she was quick to send me an email and ask if she could buy me something to bury the baby. I did not take her up on the offer, but will forever be grateful for her generosity. Shortly after that, I wrote her an email telling her that I had no idea what God wanted from here on out. I had been through a lot of loss. Barbara sent me a sweet email and said she would pray for me... How little did we both know that she would be meeting my heavenly babies about 2 weeks later.
I am so grateful for Barbara's prayers.... After some good counsel from our wise doctor, we were blessed to welcome a little rainbow baby late in 2013. This baby was born the same day that our precious little one was buried the year before....
I just wanted you to know that Barbara's prayers carried on beyond her lifetime here on earth...
I am SO thankful for her influence that still speaks into my life. THANK YOU for sharing her with us during her life here on earth, and now that she has past. I know that our heavenly Father has a plan for you and your family... Yes, there is still more life to be lived and more blessings to come.
God bless the Curtis family...
Posted by: L | May 25, 2014 9:45 PM
Thank you, Tripp, for continuing to share with us. I can really appreciate what you've learned and I, too, find it valuable. I will continue to pray for you and your family. We love all of you.
Sue from Buffalo
Posted by: Sue from Buffalo | May 28, 2014 1:44 PM
Yes, thank you, Tripp. I too, check back from time to time and so often think and pray for all of you...and think so wistfully of those days when Barbara invited all of us to be part of your family - to share in your triumphs, your trials, your fun times & your openness to all that is good in God's good creation. I still feel the bond to all of you and to sweet Barbara who has gone before us.
Posted by: Judy | June 6, 2014 3:52 PM
Thank you for the update. I also think of Barbara and miss her perspective. Hope the boys are doing ok.
Posted by: Julana | June 7, 2014 9:50 PM
Thinking about you and your beautiful family. Be assured of our continuous prayers for you.
Posted by: Con Jr | July 7, 2014 12:36 PM
It's hard to believe we're getting closer to two years since Barbara went to Jesus. I think of you and your family often and pray for the younger boys especially.
Posted by: Melissa | July 29, 2014 11:24 AM
Barbara came to mind today. I only had the privilege of knowing her through her writings, please know she often comes to mind. She is not forgotten. I will continue to pray for you and your family. God is steadfast.
Posted by: Roberta | July 31, 2014 5:18 PM
I check in, too, Tripp. We care about you and your family. Thank you for thinking to update occasionally.
Posted by: Holly | August 27, 2014 12:30 AM
I had not stopped by in awhile. I just read both of the last two posts and have been brought to tears. I continue to pray for your family.
Posted by: Amy | September 26, 2014 10:56 AM
Tripp, I check-in frequently to see how you and the boys are doing. Barbara and your family are in our family's prayers. I also dig into the archives to refresh myself on Barbara's common- sense teachings. I often thought of her as my older, wiser big sister, sharing her knowledge. Thank you so much for keeping her blog up and running.
Posted by: Marie | September 30, 2014 2:39 PM