More U.S. Women are Childless by Jennifer Mesko, editor

'So much of our culture has made kids seem like big sacrifices and a big inconvenience.'

One in five U.S. women in their early 40s has no children, according to the Census Bureau. That's double the level from 30 years ago and a record high.

Women age 40-44 who do have children have fewer than ever -- an average of 1.9, according to the report.

"A lot of women are not having any children," Jane Lawler Dye, a Census Bureau researcher who did the report, told The New York Times. "It used to be sort of expected that there was a phase of life where you had children, and a lot of women aren't doing that now."

Candice Watters, who left her job at Focus on the Family in 2002 for full-time motherhood, said most women want to have children but may be waiting too long.

"There is the perception, perpetuated in large part by Hollywood, that you can wait until your late 30s or even your early 40s and have a baby without too much trouble," she said. But "it's really difficult for a woman over 40 to conceive."

And the culture isn't helping, Watters said.

"Women feel cultural pressure to get all of their schooling done, and much of their career-building done, before they even start to think about marriage," she said. "My advice is to make getting married and having babies at least as much of a priority as your education goals and career goals."

Watters addresses those issues in her new book Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen.

Carrie Lukas, vice president for policy and economics at the Independent Women's Forum, agreed the culture shares responsibility.

"So much of our culture has made kids seem like big sacrifices and a big inconvenience," she said. "There is something to being an increasingly secular society and being a little self-absorbed in not thinking about the legacy you want to leave."

FOR MORE INFORMATION
Candice Watters founded Boundless.org webzine for Focus on the Family in 1998 and continues to write about dating, getting married and "fitting kids into a life."

I wish people would just get it: Children are blessings, not burdens. At the end of your life, will it matter what job you had, home you lived in, car you drove? Will it matter whether your kids wore designer clothes, had the latest gaming equipment, went to the "right" school?

No. What will matter are the things you've done to affect the future. And we do that through raising children in the values we hold dear.

I'll tell you one thing - I get a certain amount of satisfaction in the increased odds of my values prevailing because I chose to have a lot of kids while others chose against them.

So I googled "Where is Michelle Obama?" and found that others are out there wondering the same thing. In fact, it's been 32 days since she was sighted. It seems so obvious that her stridency and her attempts at being down home on The View have failed in terms of people trusting her. So they've whisked her out of sight.

Where is Michelle Obama? 32 days (and counting)

And this is pretty strange - from someone else rubbed the wrong way by the famous Michelle/Barak fist-bump:

This has hit the news cycle before - now on the heels of Saddleback, Obama has stuck with the lie about the language not being quite right for his taste. But this bill went before the Illinois Senate three times and he led the opposition in voting it down - even the thrid time when the language was the same as the federal law, which was supported by such stalwart liberals as Edward Kennedy.

This is from a news report on CNN July 7:

I know Jill Stanek and trust her completely.

She just called me and it is raining, but they are wearing ponchos. As she said, "It's all good!"

She's called home a couple times a day since she left.

So has Sophia, whom I dropped off at Liberty last Wednesday.

With two boys in college for the past four years, I am not at all used to answering the phone and hearing "Hi, Mom!" I am accustomed to getting kissed goodbye and then hardly ever calling, seldom answering the phone, and rarely returning messages.

Having Sophia call and ask why I haven't answered her email from yesterday yet was a complete revelation to me -

No more Outa sight, outa mind!

I love my sons. But you gotta love the communication with daughters.

I was not even going to weigh in on the Tropic Thunder issue until I saw how hopelessly out of touch Ben Stiller and Robert Downey have been, smirking it up on talk shows and claiming their right to free speech in the name of satire. How sad.

But one thing I've learned since my son Jonny was born 16 years ago is that we all have disabilities. Those whose view is too narrow to see the gifts in every human being have the greatest disability of all - and they are deserving of compassion and prayer too.

Martha sent me this recently and now seems a good time to run it again:

Thanks to AutisticAdvocacy.org, via Growing Up with a Disability - entry on Tropic Thunder here.

See also Once Upon a Time There Was a Retard

Still, despite the controversy surrounding a movie which promoted itself with that tagline, thousands of people streamed into theaters to catch the opening of Tropic Thunder last weekend.

The movie has already spawned a new catchphrase/Tshirt slogan: Never go full retard.

Last spring I wrote about the hurtful way a vice principal used the word "retarded" as a slapdown when I was advocating for an appropriate education - rather than babysitting - for my son. The follow up? Given a teacher who believed in his ability to succeed, Daniel blossomed beautifully, and in a new full inclusion setting this summer received unsolicited kudos from the teacher and principal. Which shows just how much each of us - no matter our intellectual ability - rise to the level of expectations.

Why limit anyone's expectations by labeling them in such a hurtful way? And it does become hurtful when you throw that word around as a putdown of others. To those who think it's only a word, I would remind you that words mean things - and they pack a lot of power.

Special Olympics is building a grassroots campaign urging people to "Change the conversation . . . stop using the r-word."

Our choice of language frames how we think about others.
It is time to respect and value people with intellectual disabilities.
It is time to accept and welcome them as our friends and neighbors.

As of this moment, 6,573 people have made this pledge. I would hope parents would pass this on to their children and teachers would pass it on to their students.

Want to carry this at your site? Find the embed code here.

Thanks to the ARC of Virginia and Arc of Northern Virginia, and to the gifted and talented Will Schermerhorn, whose son is the teammate pictured in the PSA.

I am actually glad this happened because it exposed something ugly that merits public discussion. And it's offering many people the opportunity to reevaluate not only their words but the divisions their words have created and perpetuated in their own minds.

Life is full of possibilities - for every human being.

See also: R is the new n-word - time to bury it too.

I was SO PROUD of McCain. You all know I have not been an enthusiastic supporter of McCain and would not even commit to voting for him. But after seeing him last night, I have no qualms at all.

McCain showed himself to be a true leader - confident and committed to his beliefs. And he was so energetic!

Barak Obama at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 1

Barak Obama at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 2

Barak Obama at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 3

Barak Obama at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 4

Barak Obama at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 5

John McCain at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 1

John McCain at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 2

John McCain at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 3

John McCain at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 4

John McCain at the Saddleback Civil Forum - Part 5

On my way to church - will discuss more later.

To see a person seeking to become the leader of the free world refuse to take leadership in order to keep his voting ducks in line - well, it's just pitiful.

By contrast, McCain is decisive in his position - whether it costs him votes or not:

Do you have any suggestions for a gift for adoptive parents/family? We have two friends that will adding to their already large families very soon and I want to do something special and I'm drawing a blank. :o/

A quilt won't work, they both already have one for their new baby.

Any suggestions?

--
Blessings,
· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ .·´ -:¦:-Kathy
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

One way to spread the joy: a donation to Shaohannah's Hope, the organization begun by the Steven Curtis Chapman family after they adopted their first daughter from China. Shaohannah's Hope has been raising adoption awareness - and making it possible for willing families to receive the funding they need to adopt.

And I know there are a lot of adoptive families reading MommyLife who may have some ideas to share of what gifts really touched their hearts.

Here is Sophia riding down with Samson - a little lamb from her friend Morgan, named for the Regina Spektor song - wtih Samson lip-synching to the music we were playing.

Three and half hours of lip-synching later, we knew we were just minutes away from Liberty University:

We checked into Sophia's dorm, helped her unpack a little, then went to dinner. Sophia had originally planned to stay in the dorm while Maddy and I went to the hotel, but at the last minute she changed her mind - I guess because her roommate wasn't there yet.

We stayed at this AMAZING hotel on the riverfront (not as romantic as it sounds, but abandoned industrial) in Lynchburg. The Craddock Terry Hotel was an old shoe factory reinvented as a boutique-type hotel. The walls were stone - probably a foot thick - with brickwork and heavy structural supports above. This juxtaposed with the most elegant fixtures, granite shower and custom furnishings. Perhaps the softest bed I ever slept in. Just lovely.

I had spent an hour Sunday trying to secure a room - and feeling like a fool for waiting so long. Everything was booked, but this one had a cancellation just in the nick of time. Thank you, God for arranging our last night together someplace so special:

Wednesday morning we got Sophia's paperwork in order and then went back to the dorm and met her roommate. God definitely was in the details here. The two moms hit it off so well - it was like we had known each other for years. Tripp had had to stay home to take care of Jonny, but the dad and two moms and Maddy prayed for the two daughters. It was so wonderful to be in a place where people were on the same page and I was especially glad that this family also had a child with a disability - which may have been a factor in making them unusually real and authentic too.

We did some crying, then said goodbye as the moms chatting seemed to take the attention off the emotional process we were going through with our daughters.

Maddy and I took Sophia to lunch at Panera, then drove her back and said goodbye.

My baby girl, all grown up. I can see her whole life before me. So hard to believe it went by so fast.

I will miss her so!

Yes, this is a real place - I just heard the ad on a San Diego radio station (I'm streamin' Rush while catching up on paperwork) and had to check it out.

Sarah's Smash Shack - "Because sometimes . . . you just need to break something" - will sell you stuff to break or you can bring your own.

If you happen to be in San Diego and feel like smashing, give Sarah's a try - and report back on the experience :)

Franchise, anyone?

Someone's out to get your kids - and they mean business. A special PBS Frontline report named them "The Merchants of Cool" in their in-depth look at the aggressive marketing used to control how American teens spend their money.

At 33 million strong, today's generation of American teens represents the "hottest" consumer demographic ever, with far more spending power than their Boomer parents had - last year topping $100 billion.

If you missed "The Merchants of Cool," you can catch the complete 53-minute show here, along with a host of other chilling insights into how the media and big corporations target our teens by encouraging and selling to the weakest parts of their character.

Okay, so what's a parent - who needs more than a slingshot to battle the giants - to do?

You can counter the pressure of consumerism by helping your teens understand how susceptible we all are to advertising. Take product placement, for instance (type those two words in google and you'll find a heap of information). Product placement took off in 1982 when the movie E.T. portrayed the irresistible little alien following a trail of Reese's Pieces. Sales for the candy shot up immediately.

Now it's a rare film that doesn't add cash to its coffers with product placement contracts for everything from Huggies diapers to Starbucks coffee to DeLorean dream cars. Rates are structured depending on how the product appears. A can of Coke sitting on a table might cost the Coca Cola Company a certain amount, but if Tom Cruise picks it up and opens it, it costs a whole lot more. And if he actually brings it to his lips - well, you can imagine!

The more our kids know about the inner workings of the advertising world, the less susceptible they will be to such subliminal manipulation.

Here's a family discussion starter:

When it comes to TV: What is the product being sold? Who is the customer?

Your teen probably thinks as she watches TV that she's the customer, and that the ads she watches display the products being sold.

Not so! For television networks, the customers they serve are the advertisers. The product being sold is the viewer.

That's why the cost for a commercial can vary from $19 for a 30 second daytime spot on a local cable channel to $2,000,000. for the same amount of time during the Super Bowl, which attracts the largest television audience every year. The price paid by customer/advertiser is based on the number of viewers during that time slot - the same way we buy meat by the pound.

Encourage your kids to look at commercials with a critical eye, identifying what factors underlie the message: guilt, greed, manipulation, fear, flattery, status-seeking

And one final thought: Teens cannot learn to control their impulses for more, more, more if we say yes, yes, yes. Even if you have the money -or borrowing power - to buy your child everything he wants, it's really not the loving thing to do.

[From MommyLife archives September 20, 2005. Since I began blogging, I have logged over 3000 entries here. To find more any subject, please click Categories in the header.]

Australian Report Says Babies Harm the Economy

by Devon Williams, associate editor

Family advocates argue, 'Babies are blessings, not burdens.'

Australia's fertility rate is at its highest in 25 years, but the nation's Productivity Commission warned last week that more babies may harm the economy.

Nearly 300,000 babies were born last year, and the commission said new mothers leaving the workforce will weaken the economy, aggravate the aging-population problem and deplete the taxation base.

Steven Mosher, president of the Population Research Institute, called the report a gross exaggeration. In fact, he said, people typically contribute hundreds of thousands of dollars more to the economy than they consume in a lifetime.

"Babies are blessings, not burdens," he said. "People come into this world not just as stomachs, not just as consumers -- they come with brains and hands, and they make contributions."

Mosher said the only way to counter an aging population is to have lots of children.

"Since children become workers, any reduction in the tax base would be short-lived, soon to be offset by the increased numbers of young workers," he said.

Jenny Tyree, associate marriage analyst for Focus on the Family Action, said marriage and parenting play a vital role in the success of the economy.

"Married mother-and-father families tend to use economies of scale and the division of labor in highly efficient ways," she said. "Children contribute positively to the economy -- and society as a whole."

Many nations are experiencing below-replacement fertility rates because of population-control programs. Tyree said Australia is in a unique position to demonstrate the value of life.

"The leaders of most European countries and Russia would love to have Australia's so-called problem of a high rate of fertility," she said. "Australia's leaders have an opportunity to show the rest of the world how to capitalize on a country's greatest natural resource -- the next generation."

You know those moments when you feel like you got this mother thing right - as opposed to those many when you fall short somehow?

I don't know whether it's because of my own early lack of nurturing, but taking care of sick children has never come naturally to me. I find myself more like the mother cat who leaves the runt of the litter in a corner to see if it's strong enough to survive without her. Yeah, so I exaggerate. The point is I never feel like those moms who just love to bustle around a sick child.

Well, you would be so proud of me taking care of Jonny. I mean, it wasn't easy to have him virtually on one foot and having to learn to use crutches (remind me next time to practice that in advance) and to have even getting up to go to the bathroom a 45 minute ordeal.

And the smell of a 16 year old boy who's been sitting all day - well, let's just say I realized I had to get him up and moving and we had to do sponge baths.

And so - for the first time - I felt like Florence Nightingale. So glad that life gives us so long to get these things right.

All in the midst of the never-ending move. And making sure Sophia will be ready to go off to school.

Which she will tomorrow.

I will first get up and drive Jonny to Fairfax for a post-op with his doctor. In traffic, that's 90 minutes away. And this doctor - bless his heart - has a strategy of lining up six appointments at 10am and then taking them in order of their appearance. We once waited an hour and a half for him. But he's a pediatric orthopedist, so worth it.

After I bring Jonny home, I will help Sophia load up and we will drive down to Liberty, where she will check into her dorm and spend the night while I go to a motel. The next morning we will go through registration/orientation/final farewells. Family members are taking bets on whether or not I'll repeat the involuntary - and embarrassing - wail I belted out in the parking lot saying goodbye to Ben four years ago.

But this is my third time, so I expect to be better behaved :)

I'll take a picture to show you when I come home.